Page 62 of Crown of the Dunes (The Ballan Desert #2)

Part of my brain urged me to hesitate—to ask more questions.

I was still so new to the ways of politics, and tricks and deceit lay around every corner.

But the louder part of my instincts screamed at me to accept the grain—that feeding the people of Kelvadan was springing any trap.

I had promised to make this a safe haven for the people of the Ballan Desert, and I would abandon caution if that’s what it took to make it so .

“My word is good,” I started. “I would be willing to send an advance payment to assure our trade.” I suppressed a wince as I said it, knowing such a promise would earn me a fierce argument with Malachi, the Archon of Coin. But little gold discs did not concern me when people were starving.

Now it was Calix who grimaced. “I have observed that this is not the way of things here in the Ballan Desert, but beyond the mountains, alliances and agreements are bound by something a little more permanent.” He took a deep breath.

I bounced on my toes, trying to avoid rushing him, having learned how politicians avoided getting to the point even more if they were pressed.

“Marriage.”

I blinked as if I had been kicked in the ribs by a horse. “Whose marriage?”

“My marriage. Or more accurately, ours .”

An odd blankness overtook my body, followed by a spreading cold.

“You want to marry me?” I asked, my voice sounding very far away to my own ears.

Calix’s lips twisted in something between a wry smile and an embarrassed grimace.

“I would never say I don’t find you companionable…

or beautiful.” Calix coughed. “But it would be a political marriage. I know that isn’t exactly done here, but my father insists.

He says he will send ten wagons of grain as soon as we announce our engagement. ”

The world spun around me as I struggled to keep up with his words.

I clutched the stone railing so hard it cut into my palm, as if the feel of something so solid might make the sudden twisting of my reality settle.

It seemed as if I stood outside my body as somebody else had this conversation.

The tether in my belly lay heavy, keeping me grounded even as it gave me a pang of distress.

“What does marriage have to do with politics?” I asked.

A startled laugh burst from Calix. “It’s refreshing for somebody to ask, considering that seems to be the way of the rest of the world.

But if I am here, ruling by your side, then you have assurance that my home country will want to aid you where possible for my sake.

And I will be able to serve here to ensure Viltov’s interests represented in Kelvadan’s decisions as well. ”

“You would rule with me?” I asked. My brain ricocheted around wildly, from horror at the thought of having an outsider rule Kelvadan, to relief at having somebody at my side who had a better idea of what it meant to be royal.

Calix huffed in amusement, turning and leaning his elbows on the railing and looking out over the city below him.

“Believe me, as fourteenth in line for the throne of Viltov, and moving further back with every child my siblings have, I never expected to rule anything. And I certainly never expected to pledge my life to a country where I can’t even see the ocean.

But life is like the sea, in that sometimes its currents take us in unexpected places. ”

“I never dreamed of being a queen either,” I admitted.

“You told me once that riding a horse was like sailing, in that you have to work with the wind to reach the best outcome. Maybe life is the same way,” Calix observed.

I looked at his profile. I tried to look at his high cheekbones and his windswept hair, but all I saw was Erix’s silver gaze.

“I…” My mouth went dry, and I couldn’t seem to form words. The whole idea seemed so akin to madness that I couldn’t even summon a response.

“You don’t have to say anything now,” Calix said. “My father wouldn’t expect a deal like this to fall into place so quickly anyway. I just wanted you to know that the grain is waiting for you the moment we should give him the word.”

The mention of the grain slapped me in the face, bringing me out of the state disbelief I had been swimming in since Calix had brought up a marriage.

That is what brought us to this discussion in the first place.

The meager piece of bread that had been my meal—would be the meal of everybody in Kelvadan until I did something—churned uncomfortably.

The familiar demon of hunger breathed down the back of my neck, and its shadow chilled me with fear more with every passing hour.

And that was the impossible choice I was left with: throw my trust and Kelvadan at Calix’s feet—murder the woman inside me and turn my back on the rapidly dwindling possibility of a future with Erix—or save my heart and hope for some other solution while hunger devoured the people of the desert from the inside out.

I shivered despite the heat of the sun.

“I’ve given you much to think about,” Calix said politely as he pushed from the railing. “I’ll leave you to consider.”

I managed to nod as he bowed politely and then retreated from the terrace.

Despite the fact that I was now alone with my own thoughts, my head spun faster than ever.

Months ago, I had promised myself that I would do what it took to protect the people of Kelvadan.

Now, it struck me with overwhelming force how na?ve I had been to think I would find their answers on horseback with a sword in hand.

I stared out at the horizon, looking for answers, and only seeing Erix’s silver eyes in my mind.