Page 31 of Crown of the Dunes (The Ballan Desert #2)

“I asked them to do it, so I wouldn’t hurt anybody!

” I snapped, baring my teeth at him. “The queen and I tried to break the blood glass to get the Heart, and it killed her. We tried to retrieve it ourselves because you weren’t here to help, and I had to be locked away so I wouldn’t tear down the whole city around me.

And it all happened because you wouldn’t make peace.

You could have come for me or sent a message, but instead you arrived with an army at your back.

We could have gotten the Heart together, but you chose to lead the clans against Kelvadan after everything we fought for. ”

My hands shook and lightning danced across my skin as my voice grew louder and louder.

I wanted to snarl and snap at him like a wild animal, lashing out at the fact that he insisted on remaining my enemy after making me love him, and now he had the audacity to make me believe he cared.

I hated myself for wanting to believe it.

His eyes blazed, and his voice dropped deathly low as he responded.

“Every fiber of my being wanted to come to you—to tear apart the entire desert to get you back.

But you were the one who made me want to be more—not a sword, but a man again.

A leader. So, I tried to be that man and help the clans when they needed me most.

“And you were the one who sent back all my messages unanswered. Despite all of that, when I couldn’t feel you anymore, not even the walls carved by Kelvar himself could keep me from getting to you.”

Breath rushed out of me in a torrent even as a tiny fire sparked in my chest—this time the warmth of hope instead of an inferno of rage.

“You sent messages?” I asked, my voice dropping from my previous shouting to barely more than a whisper.

“I sent Zephyr again and again. And every time he came back with my letters unanswered, leaving me to believe that either the desert didn’t want you to receive my messages or you didn’t care to respond.

” His voice was raw and sincere, and his gaze was so intense that it drew me forward. I took an unconscious step closer.

My mind raced. He could be lying, but there was no deception in his voice nor uncertainty in the feeling pulsing down the tether between us. Only the raw desperation that was so quintessentially Erix that it made my eyes burn .

“I thought—” My voice came out embarrassingly thin. Not the voice of a queen or a warrior but one of a woman whose heart had been on the edge of shattering for too long. “I thought you had abandoned me too.”

A wave of heat crashed through the room, and I was forced to squeeze my eyes shut against the power of it. When I opened my eyes again, Erix’s wooden cell was aflame, all but crumbling to ash as if it had been burning for hours.

Erix stepped through the disintegrated bars, tongues of flame brushing over him harmlessly as he closed the space between us in two large steps.

“I would sooner carve my own heart out than abandon you.” The words were a growl, rumbling in the scant inches between us.

There wasn’t even a second for me to respond before he was on me. His fist closed around my braid and wrenched my head back, his other hand coming up to cup my jaw as his lips crashed into mine.

Every ounce of exhaustion was scorched from my veins in the fire that burned through me at his touch.

I felt more alive than I had in months, even as I melted into him.

Sparkling cinders fell around us like rain.

My hands came up to fist in his leather tabards, and I whimpered desperately into his mouth.

He swallowed my sounds whole and demanded more as he held me there, devouring my mouth with the intensity of a man possessed. And I was just as greedy.

I raised one hand to tangle in his hair, digging my fingers into the curls that were as soft as I remembered, nipping at his bottom lip. He still tasted like blood and ash, but he smelled like salt and sandalwood, and I wanted to drown in it.

He grunted and pulled back, and I made a noise of protest, only to be quieted as he moved his lips to my neck, still keeping my head arched back with a hand in my hair. His breath tickled my skin as he brushed his lips across my hammering pulse.

“Only you could compel me to let myself be a prisoner in the city I swore to destroy. That is the kind of power you hold over me.” The words were spoken into the hollow of my throat, their vibrations making me shiver.

But the words themselves brought me back from the edge of madness Erix’s touch was rapidly driving me toward.

I tugged on his hair, and he grunted in protest as his tongue and teeth were forced to abandon their conquest of my throat. His grip on my hair loosened, and I lifted my face to look at him, silhouetted by the still burning remains of his cell behind him.

“Where do we go from here? Am I supposed to keep you prisoner forever? Clearly you can’t be held.” I jerked my chin at the utterly destroyed cell.

Erix’s hands drifted from my hair and cheek to hold my arms, and his forehead fell forward against mine.

“I attacked this city to get to you and to get the Heart. I’ll let you hold me prisoner if that’s what it takes to stay near you.

It’s what I deserve after betraying the clans who misplaced their faith in me, although I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again. ”

I sagged against him, the exhaustion of the past days hitting me with the force of an avalanche all over again as the reality of our situation crashed down like boulders around me.

“The queen in love with the prisoner who attacked her city? The archons are sure to have strong opinions about that. They already want me to execute you to solidify my power.”

“I always knew you’d be the death of me.” Erix sighed.

I shook my head. “I’m not going to do it. I’ll… I’ll figure something out.”

He lifted his forehead from mine to peer down at me. “The Heart—”

A banging at the door cut him off. Before I could register what happened, he leaped backward, the withdrawal of his touch after months of missing it leaving me reeling as the door slammed open.

“We smelled smoke,” one of the guards shouted as he jumped in front of me, saber drawn. The other advanced on Erix, who stood calmly with his hands at his side, although it somehow didn’t make him seem any less threatening as embers still drifted around him in lazy whirls.

I raised my own hands trying to signal the riders to halt. “I’m not in any danger,” I insisted.

They looked back and forth between us skeptically, and I tried to stand tall, imagining the way Queen Ginevra did— had held herself to command the obedience of men who towered above her.

Instead, I think I stood more like Erix, like a predator held at bay by a thin human veneer.

Either way, the riders seemed placated, but they did not lower their weapons.

“Take him to one of the empty rooms in the palace and lock him in. He will not resist,” I ordered.

I met Erix’s gaze to nonverbally ask him not to fight them, and instead saw a flicker of something dark in his eyes. I swallowed thickly.

“Make sure the room you take him to has a window,” I amended.

The riders both looked at me warily, but I stood firm. “He will not try to escape either.”

Cautiously, they grabbed him by the arms and hustled him toward the door. I didn’t watch them go, although I ached to keep Erix in my line of sight as long as possible. The wild thing in my belly paced irritably.

If I was truly the queen of this city, why should I hide the truth of myself and my heart? Words Queen Ginevra had spoken to me on a terrace what felt like years ago, but had really only been weeks, came back to me now.

To be a queen is to murder the woman inside you again and again.

I wasn’t sure that was the type of leader I wanted to be. But I wasn’t sure what other kind there was.

I stared down at my loose pants and cropped vest feeling distinctly shabby. Queen Ginevra had always taken her meetings in flowing silk dresses that draped effortlessly over her slight frame.

By comparison, my clothes were those of a rider, and although I was sure Neven would be happy to provide me with more regal clothing, I knew it would only make me feel even more ill-suited to my current responsibilities.

While the clans would look up to a warrior as a leader or Lord, the Great City was different, leaving me feeling like I was trying to run on shifting sands.

Washing up with a basin of cold water before dressing, I had scrubbed over scraped elbows and skinned knees from when I had thrown myself at the walls of the stone room beneath the mountain.

While the linens I wore were as light as air, the thick embroidery made them lay heavily over the remains of my injuries.

Every time I moved, it drew attention to my wounds, raw and aching.

The fine clothes didn’t change the fact that less than forty-eight hours ago, I had been screaming and feral with grief, having to be locked up to keep the city safe from the magic that raged within me.

The contrast between the soft cloth and the cracked skin of my knuckles as I tied my sash around my waist only made me feel less prepared to face the archons.

I stared at the two sabers lying on the chest at the foot of my bed next, wondering which one I should strap on or if I should bring one at all.

Lying next to each other, they only served to remind me how Erix was so close—within these very walls—but still somehow beyond my reach.

He was supposed to be my prisoner, and if I were to be the leader Kelvadan needed, I couldn’t throw myself into the arms of the man who had been attacking them and beg him to kiss me until I forgot my own name.

That’s what the woman inside me wanted.

A scuffling and angry whispering in the hallway saved me from my contemplation.