Page 100 of Creatures Like Us

“Hey.” Ethan nudges closer to me, trying to hold me, but I remain unresponsive to his embrace, so he pulls back.

I hide my face in my hands, trying to stifle my cries. I had no idea I had this many tears inside me, this much pain just waiting to burst out. Sometimes, it feels good to cry, but not now. I don’t think I’ll ever feel good again.

I want to tell the truth to my brother, but I can’t. What Noah did is the kind of stuff you get arrested for, and even though Ethan doesn’t care about me, he’d care enough to call the cops on the man who robbed me of my freedom.

Aside from that, I don’t think I could tell him the truth even if I tried. Words don’t obey me, and my mind is shattered and torn.

“Are you having the junkie sweats or something?” Ethan asks. “Is that it? Are you in withdrawal?”

I look up at him, sniffling, wiping my nose with my sleeve. “Yeah,” I choke out, relieved at the excuse he dumped into my lap. “Yeah. I am.”

“So you’re trying to quit?”

I nod miserably. “Yes.” I wish that were the extent of my troubles.

Ethan sighs. “Well, you’re doing the right thing. I just wish you hadn’t started that shit in the first place.”

“Me too.”

If I hadn’t started doing drugs, I wouldn’t have ended up with Noah in the first place. My life could have taken a different trajectory if I’d just been better. A better student, a better son. A better brother.

“Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson,” Ethan says. “Just smoke weed like the rest of us. Stay away from that other shit.”

I nod, wiping my face again. His sternness makes me want to dry my tears and square my shoulders. I shouldn’t have laid myself bare in front of him like this, but I couldn’t help it. In the past, when I was on drugs, I could easily pretend nothing was wrong, that nothing affected me. Sober, it’s another story.

Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that I’ll always be a fuckup; I just have to become better at hiding it from others.

“Hey.” Ethan reaches out to ruffle my hair. That single affectionate touch makes me want to start crying again, but I press the tears back down. “There’s a party tonight at Joshua’s. I’m meeting some of my buddies there. You should come. Might make you feel better. No junkie shit, though, just booze and some weed, tops.”

I stop sniffling and look up at him. “Okay.”

Ethan wants me to join him at a party. He wants to hang out with me. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.

If I can keep to just drinking and a bit of weed, maybe I can show him I’m not as hopeless as he thinks. I can do it; I have to. It’s the only shot I have at feeling better.

He smiles and pats my thigh. “We leave at ten.”

Chapter 27

Noah

AfterAsherleft,Iheld out hope for hours that he would return. I even made dinner for us in case he’d be hungry when he came back. But he never did.

Today is the day after he left, and now that I’ve accepted my fate once more, the numbness is back—the numbness that used to be my constant companion before I found my Goldilocks. It’s better to be numb than to feel the crashing waves of horrible emotions that would otherwise be there.

Regardless, the truth is the same.

If I can’t have Asher, there’s no point. I’m back to where I was the night I found him. Alone. Estranged from the world.

I’ve always lived on borrowed time, ever since my middle school bullies nearly buried me alive. That time is running out, and I’m fine with it. I’ve always waited for something to change, but that change will never come.

No wolf will arrive in the nick of time and save me from my burial. No Asher will return and alleviate my miserable thoughts. It was foolish to think he could do that to begin with, but desperate people do desperate things, I suppose.

I just wanted to live.

I just wanted a reason.

But now I have none.