Page 57 of Covert Affections (Shadow Agents/PSI-Ops #5)

Chapter Forty-Three

Lindy

Lindy fought the urge to be sick as she thought about the horrors the women endured. Not only that, but Robert had been a witness to the aftermath. She rubbed Robert’s forearm, ignoring the fact he was in his full uniform with a clear raincoat over it and a plastic covering over his hat.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that,” she said, keeping her voice low. “And I’m sorry for those girls and their families. But I know you, Robert. You’ll catch who did this. You’ll make them sorry they ever lifted a finger toward those women. You’ll get justice for the victims.”

Robert lifted his chin, his dark gaze landing on her face. “If I find the bastards who did this, I’m going to fucking kill them—to hell with the justice system.”

Lindy didn’t bother to hide her smile. “Good.”

“While I was freaking out about finding your phone but not you —I called my aunt,” he confessed, playing with the edges of his hat, letting a long moment of silence stretch between them.

He ran his finger over the rim of his hat again, seeming so uncomfortable in her home all of a sudden.

“She told me your succubus side isn’t into me anymore.

And that you’re not feeding it at all. I mean, I kind of figured you weren’t feeding it, but I didn’t know it stopped wanting anything to do with me. ”

Instantly, Lindy regretted confiding in Teresa.

She should have known Teresa would tattle on her.

While Lindy didn’t want to ever put Robert at risk again when it came to her succubus side, she never intended to be cruel to him.

Flat out telling him that what lived in her didn’t want him anymore seemed harsh.

She wouldn’t have put it that way, yet it was the truth.

“Is she right?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

This was a chance to fix the damage Teresa had done.

She opened her mouth, fully intending to soften the blow in some fashion.

The words wouldn’t come. Instead, her head filled with thoughts of the highly detailed and downright amazing sex dream she’d had which, had centered on the hot blond guy from the man-meat market.

Her skin tingled with remembered pleasure in every spot Jesse had kissed her in the dream.

Heat prickled in her as the very darkness Robert wanted to discuss let her know it was still there, still lingering below the surface, and still only wanting Jesse.

“It’s not personal. I swear. I’m sure it’s nothing.

I’ve gone so long without feeding that it’s probably confused or something. ”

“You should have told me,” he returned, lifting his gaze to meet her.

“How?” she asked.

The silence returned, as did his toying with his hat. He expelled a long breath, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly. “I don’t know. I just didn’t… I didn’t like hearing it from her. Not you.”

She placed her hand over his on the hat. “I get that. And I really am sorry. Hurting you isn’t something I ever wanted to do.”

He gave the smallest of nods, swallowing hard.

“Robert, I mean it,” she stressed, squeezing his hand. “You’re one of my best friends, and I’ve hurt you so much.”

“Lindy,” he whispered, taking a small step toward her. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You had every right to say something.” She slid her hand from his. “I need you to know something.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

She teared up. “I’m glad it’s stopped pushing at me to seek you out.”

He tensed.

“I killed you, Robert. I get that doesn’t seem to bother you in the least, but its haunted me,” she confessed. “I never, ever, want to go through that again.”

His jaw tightened. “It won’t ever happen again. I know what to expect. I’m prepared.”

“Really, so you can guarantee I’d never hurt you again?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” he said, as his right eyelid twitched. It was something that happened when he tried to lie to her.

“Robert, don’t. We both know that isn’t true.”

He was quiet a moment. “Teresa said something about it taking an interest in a man from that man-meat thing you hosted for Charley.”

“Your aunt has a really big mouth,” replied Lindy, intending to give Teresa a piece of her mind when they spoke again.

“That’s a yes then, right?” asked Robert. “It did take an interest in one of the men?”

She nodded, and bits and pieces of her sex dream floated back into her head.

“What kind of supernatural is he?” questioned Robert, his voice hardening.

Lindy’s brows drew together. “What do you mean? He’s not one.”

“Did your darkness try to latch onto any of the other men?” he asked, a knowing look in his eyes.

She licked her lower lip. “It liked the sexual energy in the room, but it only had an interest in the one guy.”

“Lindy, has it ever wanted one man and one man only before?” he questioned.

She sighed. “No.”

“Tell me about the man,” he said, his voice tight. “Like his name, social security number, and where I might find him. I think he and I need to have a little chat.”

She yelped, fear for Jesse rushing over her.

All the man was guilty of was catching her attention.

He wasn’t responsible for her succubus’s behavior or the fact it wanted him and him alone.

He didn’t deserve to have Robert gunning for him.

“Um, his name is… erm… Give me a minute while I think up a good name to give you. It will be totally false, know that.”

“Nice. Thanks.” He snorted, the edges of his mouth twitching as his expression lightened. “I’ve earned the right to worry about you. I get we’ll never be a couple again, but I’d like to think we’ll still be friends.”

She caught his hand in hers. “Always.”

“Thank you,” he said, his voice off.

“For what?” she questioned.

He turned his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. “For showing me I was capable of opening my heart to someone. That I’m not as broken as I thought I was.”

“This sounds like goodbye,” she admitted, her chest tightening.

“I think things are going to be changing a lot, very soon,” he confessed. “That’s just my gut talking, but it’s gotten me this far. I need to get back out to the crime scene. I just needed to check on you.”

“Want me to make a pot of coffee first?” she asked, easing her hand from his. “I can fill a thermos for you?”

“No. I should go,” he said, his voice monotone.

“Will you be back in the morning?” She already knew the answer but wanted to hear him say it.

He stepped closer, kissed her forehead lightly, then left, never saying another word, yet speaking volumes.

She didn’t need to be told that whatever had just happened was a turning point for the two of them—that Robert had finally accepted they wouldn’t be rekindling any romance.

She just hoped they’d still be friends. She didn’t let many people into her inner circle and past her emotional walls.

Losing him in her life as a friend would devastate her.

She stood at the door, looking out at the driveway, watching the taillights from Robert’s SUV as he pulled out and onto the road.

She tipped her head, resting partially against the open door, filled with nothing but regret and second thoughts.

If she’d have just kept him in the friend zone to start with, none of this would have happened.

She wouldn’t have gone too far and killed him while feeding her darkness, and she wouldn’t have hurt him now.

“I’m toxic,” she whispered, the words carrying out into the night. “Everything I touch, I break.”

Not everything , her darkness pushed as it shoved images of her hands on Fluffy’s wounds as she channeled energy from around her, using it to heal him.

Her throat tightened, and her eyes stung as unshed tears filled them. “Fine. Every person I touch, I break. Happy now?”

It thrust more images at her, these from her erotic dream about Jesse.

Lindy jerked slightly and shut the door, locking it before stepping back and taking a large, deep breath.

She put her hands up, staring at the closed door as she spoke to her succubus side.

“I’m going to need you to chill with all of that.

Your obsession with him is starting to freak me out. ”

If she didn’t know better, she would have sworn it was laughing at her.

That couldn’t be a good sign.

It took Lindy a second to remember she wasn’t alone in the house. She had a visitor. A huge, giant one with fur.

“Fluffy!”

Lindy pivoted and hurried back toward the bedroom.

She tossed the door open and froze. Fluffy wasn’t there.

The room was a decent size but not big enough for a mountain lion the size of him to get lost in.

She went for the closet. He wasn’t there either.

She turned toward the window and found it was wide open.

“Fluffy?” she asked, running toward it. She stuck her head out and spotted huge paw prints in the mud.

He’d opened the window and left?

How?

Why?

And where did he go?

Numbness filled her extremities as her vision narrowed as the harsh reality that both Robert and Fluffy were gone. An emptiness settled over her, and she nodded, accepting the harsh truth. She was toxic, and it was better if she kept everyone and everything at arm’s length.

Turning, she headed right for her bed, leaving the window open wide to help with the smell of body spray in the room.

The night air swept in, carrying with it the scent of rain and wet grass.

She put her glasses on the side table and flopped onto the bed, doing something that had been overdue.

She broke down in tears and had a good, long cry.

While she’d felt energized after waking from her sex dream about Jesse, she now felt like someone was draining her batteries rapidly. Between healing Fluffy twice in one night and having every man in her life walk out on her minutes apart from one another, she was done.