Page 39 of Covert Affections (Shadow Agents/PSI-Ops #5)

Chapter Thirty-One

Lindy

Lindy finished wiping down the last of the tables in the bar and then put the chairs on it, seat-side down, and stepped back, taking in the sight of the bar ready for closing.

She was proud of what she’d accomplished, especially with most of her staff still being out sick or, as in the case of Irwin, totally missing in action.

The day had started with her waking from a bad dream but ended with Charley finding help for the horse rescue and a packed bar when it had opened for regular operating hours.

The new mechanical bull had continued to be a big hit among the patrons.

The hot Scottish twins had taken turns riding it, making the crowd go wild.

Typically, her darkness would have leaped at the chance to bang the men—probably at the same time.

She should have spent the entire evening fighting to control her darkness—to keep it at bay while the hunks took turns mounting the bull.

That hadn’t happened.

Her darkness hadn’t shown any interest in any of the hot guys at the bar.

Bill had taken it upon himself to go back into the kitchen and cook for people.

She still wasn’t sure how he’d avoided burning the place to the ground.

When he was finished, he’d made a massive batch of chili that patrons swore was delicious.

Lindy didn’t have the nerve to try it. She had looked it over, making sure he’d not included anything freaky in it. If he had, he’d hidden it well.

Lindy didn’t want to leave the bar without a cook much longer and would start running ads for a replacement soon.

The only plus side of her current cook being gone was the weird artificial cleaner smell in the kitchen had lessened.

There were only faint traces of it remaining.

She wasn’t sure what the man liked to use to wipe things down, but it reminded her of fake pine trees, and she hated its smell. Plus, he was a heavy smoker.

Gross.

At some point in the night, Bill had challenged Teddy to a bull riding competition. That somehow ended in an arm-wrestling match instead of either man getting on the bull.

Bill had done his best, but basically held onto the Teddy’s hand and arm with both of his hands, his feet lifting off the floor in the process. It wasn’t until one of the twins grabbed the man’s arm and assisted that Bill won. It wasn’t fair, but Bill didn’t seem to care. He accepted the win.

Lindy took the rag she’d used to wash the tables down into the kitchen, rinsed it and then put it off to the side to dry.

She’d run towels and rags through the wash tomorrow when she came in to open before lunchtime.

The washer and dryer were in the basement and weren’t anything she trusted to run overnight without supervision.

She was pretty sure the washer was one load away from dying and that the dryer would burn the entire place to the ground at some point.

If the bar kept being as busy as it had been, she’d be able to get a new washer and dryer and maybe, at some point, be able to afford to replace the stove in the kitchen. Right now, Irwin needed to get his butt back to work, or she needed to hire another cook.

Lindy’s cell phone rang, and she smiled, already knowing who would be on the other end.

Teresa.

“Right on time,” she said as she grabbed her cell off the bar top.

“Hey, Kitten,” Teresa said. “Tell me all about the man-meat market. Was it like I thought it would be? A sausage fest?”

Lindy laughed loudly, the sound echoing through the bar. “I cannot believe you said that.”

“Oh, believe and get to the juicy details,” said Teresa with a snort. “Did it go off without a hitch?”

“I wasn’t sure it was going to happen,” admitted Lindy. “There was some issue with traffic and road construction earlier today. But it got sorted. When I finally got to the bar, the parking lot was packed already.”

“Good. How did Charley take it all?” asked Teresa, her voice saying she knew Charley well enough to already know.

“She was less than thrilled with me for most of it, but she ended up hiring three of the men.” Lindy resisted telling Teresa that two of the men that Charley had hired were anything but prime pickings.

In fact, Lindy still wasn’t entirely sure the pair hadn’t escaped the circus.

Teresa would probably love both Bill and Gus. They were different—like her.

Then there was Jesse. Every time someone entered the bar tonight, Lindy looked to see if they were Jesse.

Sadly, they weren’t.

The thought of him made Lindy’s darkness take notice and rise slightly within her.

From the second she’d locked gazes with him from across the parking lot, Lindy’s succubus side had been obsessed with the man.

She couldn’t remember a time when it had ever wanted a man more than it wanted him.

Had she been feeding that side of herself regularly, she might have given in and taken him for a sexual spin.

As it was, she was a walking weapon and any man who dared to be with her was putting his life on the line.

That wasn’t a risk she was willing to take, so she’d held firm to her darkness all through the job fair, trying to think of anything except how much she wanted Jesse.

“You went quiet on me. You all right?” asked Teresa.

Lindy smiled. “I’m good. Just tired. I didn’t sleep great last night.”

“Worried about the man-meat market?”

Lindy shook her head, despite knowing Teresa couldn’t see her. “No. I had another nightmare.”

Teresa was quiet for a moment. “Was it about from when you were little or the grocery store? The men in white lab coats or the dickwad were-coyote guy?”

“Grocery store—I think. I’m not sure. I couldn’t remember much from it, but when I woke up, I could almost smell the man,” answered Lindy, ashamed of how much that incident still rattled her to this very day.

“Saw a coyote this morning on my drive to the bar and it left me so rattled I nearly hit a disabled truck. I understand he’s long gone.

That he won’t ever bother me again, but I’m still scared of him.

It’s embarrassing, especially since I’m something everyone with a brain and a penis should be scared of. I’m a walking sex-driven killer.”

“Kitten, if you think I won’t hop on a flight just to come up there and slap you for saying that about yourself, you’re wrong.

And I didn’t tell you the truth about what dickwad was to scare you for life,” Teresa said, regret filling her voice.

“I told you so you’d know the truth and always be vigilant.

You’re a magnet for certain types of things.

No fault of your own. It has everything to do with what you are. ”

“A murderer,” said Lindy, shame filling her voice. “Maybe he should have done what he wanted to me that day. Maybe I deserved it and so much more.”

“You stop that this instant!” Teresa shouted, jarring Lindy from her pity party.

Lindy couldn’t stop the tears from starting. “I killed Robert. I know he’s okay now, but for a few minutes, he wasn’t. He had no heartbeat. He was dead. Gone. I did that, Teresa. I’m a monster.”

“My nephew knew the risks of being with you,” the older woman said, her tone gentle as if afraid of sending Lindy into a deeper spiral.

“He understands how powerful you are. Before I ever introduced him to you, I told him how powerful I think you are. He’s not as young as he looks.

You know that. He’s seen some shit in his life.

We both have. He’s had run-ins with succubi before.

You’re nothing new to him, Lindy. Except, he developed feelings for you.

Robbie went into the relationship with you with his eyes wide open.

You both had a void and filled it for each other. ”

“His heart stopped,” Lindy said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Not the first time his heart has stopped in his life and won’t be the last. What he does is dangerous.

You don’t see it the way I do. You don’t know all the things he’s had to do and survive in his life.

You didn’t know him when he served in the military.

He’s done things he’ll never tell either of us about, not to mention, he’s been in situations he’ll take to his grave.

He’s hardy stock, Kitten,” the older woman coaxed.

“He can take what you dish out…if you feed regularly.”

Lindy remained quiet.

“I don’t push him at you in hopes the two of you will rekindle a true romance or anything.

I know that ship has sailed…if it ever held water to begin with,” said Teresa.

“I push Robbie at you because he has needs too, Lindy. Needs similar to yours. He won’t die without having them met, but he does run the risk of losing control of his shifter side and doing something he’ll regret.

The two of you need somebody and until your perfect ‘somebodies’ come along, I think you can help one another. ”

“I’ve not fed that side of myself since that all happened,” Lindy admitted reluctantly. She expected Teresa to yell and start booking a flight home.

“I know,” Teresa responded with no shock evident in her voice.

That caught Lindy off guard. “You do?”

“Kiddo, I know you better than you know yourself,” Teresa said, the rasp in her voice deepening.

“At your root, you’re a good girl, Lindy.

Your heart is true. The last thing you ever wanted to do was harm Robbie.

I know it, and so does he. That boy blames himself for up and dying on you.

Doesn’t matter that he wasn’t actually dead and gone, seeing as to how he’s a shifter and can heal from a lot of shit.

He sees it as a weakness. He blames himself for your sexual hunger strike too. You know what that means.”

Lindy cringed. “No. What does that mean?”

“That when , not if , you lose control and things go sideways, he’s going to blame himself for that too,” said Teresa before clearing her throat. “But the truth is, when it happens, it will be on you. You’re who ignored one of my golden rules.”

Until last year, Lindy adhered to Teresa’s Golden Rules for being a Succubus: Never put too long between feedings, never feed from the same person more than once if they’re human and three or four times if they’re supernatural but not her mate, never let her inhibitions down fully, and always be on guard.

It was a set of rules Lindy took to heart and had been vigilant about, even with hiding the truth of what she was from others.

Charley would often joke about Lindy’s aversion to any kind of real relationship, assuming that was why Lindy behaved the way she did when it came to men and sex.

She saw Lindy as sexually promiscuous. Not that Lindy was trying to protect others.

That if Lindy dared feed from a human male more than once, she’d risk killing him.

That was the real reason that before Robert, Lindy hadn’t dared have anything close to a relationship.

Confessing the truth to Charley would mean having to be totally transparent about supernaturals. Lindy wasn’t ready to have that conversation just yet.

And Lindy knew she was running on borrowed time. That her darkness would overpower her sooner, rather than later. She knew she’d be powerless to stop it and she knew someone would die because of her.

But she couldn’t try to feed it safely now.

She was too far past the point of return to do so now.

Trying would be too risky, especially with how long it had been since she’d last fed it fully—or at all.

If she did manage to somehow keep it from draining the life from another, she’d be right back in the same boat within minutes or hours.

It had grown in strength to the point it never seemed satisfied.

For every inch she gave it, it tried to take a mile.

But Teresa was right. Going too long between feedings was dangerous.

If the darkness managed to get out now, someone would die and it would be Lindy’s fault.

She’s who decided to forego feedings. “I don’t know how to fix it. ”

“I think you do,” said Teresa.

Lindy gasped. “I can’t feed from Robert again. Even if I could, my darkness doesn’t want…erm, never mind.”

Her darkness picked that second to slash through her, causing her pain as it pushed images of Jesse into her head. It wanted the blond, not her ex-boyfriend.

“Were you about to say it doesn’t want Robbie anymore?” asked Teresa.

Lindy cringed. “Yes.”

“When did it stop wanting to feed from him?” questioned Teresa. “Did it stop after what happened…the whole him daring to die for a few measly minutes?”

Lindy let out a partial laugh even though she didn’t find the conversation amusing in the least. “It was fine with the idea of using him this morning when I woke up to find him in my house, making me breakfast after he’d apparently covered me with a throw blanket and fixed my locks, all while I’d been sleeping. ”

“Did you happen to meet a man it took an abnormal interest in today?” asked Teresa, something off in her voice.

“No,” Lindy said, a little too fast to be believable.

“Right,” responded Teresa. “Oh, fiddlesticks. Boat Guy is headed this way, waving his hands around like a crazy person. I’m not sure what he wants.

The man should be out cold until morning.

I fed from him and zapped his energy. Whatever blue pill he’s taking needs to be studied. I’ll call you back in a bit.”

Teresa disconnected the call.

Lindy stared at her phone for a minute, trying to erase the mental image of Teresa feeding her sexual lust with anyone, let alone some random dude in the middle of the ocean.

She put her phone in her back pocket and finished up with the dishes before heading toward the back door of the bar, where four large trash bags sat waiting for her to take them out to the dumpster.

Irwin usually handled this part—hauling them out to the dumpster at the far end of the parking lot.

Since it was just her tonight, the task was hers.

She lifted one of the four bags and groaned at how heavy it was. The corner of something poked through the bag. When she saw it was one of the scorecards from the man meat market, she chuckled. For all of Charley’s grumbling, she’d gotten three new hires from the event.