Page 46
Story: Couple Goals
‘But do you not want to be Captain, darling?’ her mum asks.
Adriana has heard back from Coach Hoffman, an email inviting her to meet for a conversation to address her concerns whenever it suits her, but also saying that she should take all the time she needs away from training to recover. Adriana had shown her family the emails, and is now regretting it.
‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ Adriana says simply, like it’s obvious – it is to her.
Her family exchange a look.
‘Uhh,’ says Felix. ‘Yes it does, you weirdo?’
She just shakes her head. Her family know and love Maeve – how can they not understand it’s like she’s stealing from her?
And then there is the whole gross possibility of Jacob getting the position for her, which she is too ashamed to tell them about.
Her paranoia of being proven to be unworthy of the promotion has taken all the joy of playing away from her.
If she thinks about it too long, the breathlessness in her chest starts to return.
She knows her family means well, but she can’t bear how nice they’re being to her at the moment and it’s only making her feel worse for not telling everything that’s been going on for her.
‘I think it’s time for me to go back to my own flat,’ she says.
After trying to persuade her to stay for a while longer, they insist on at least calling her a taxi rather than her getting public transport back to her flat.
‘If you change your mind, we’ll drive over and bring you right back to ours if you ever want,’ her mum offers, when the taxi arrives. ‘Any second, we’ll be there, okay?’
‘Make sure you eat,’ says her dad, tapping the pile of tupperware food they’ve packed for her, all the family favourites they’ve been trying to coax her with: generous rectangles of lasagne, way too spicy chilli, the ginger noodle soup that Adriana’s dad always makes when she’s sick.
Adriana mumbles more thank yous and feels guilty they’re having to run around after her like this.
Felix just wraps her in a big, tight hug, giving her a noogie, and she pulls away, laughing in surprise, and notes her family all look relieved to hear that brightness coming back.
‘Thank you, I’m fine, honestly. I’m just going to be resting.’
Now finally alone in the taxi, Adriana sighs deeply.
She even feels glad that she doesn’t know this taxi driver, and for a rare time in her life, Adriana doesn’t try to make conversation or set him at his ease.
She just allows herself to sit quietly, the wind from the window in her face, the sounds from the radio washing over her.
She checks her messages from Jacob. He had sent a reply to her break-up message.
I’m sorry it’s so hard, Addy, and I’m sorry if I shouldn’t be replying here, but I also personally feel it would be good for us to talk more once you’re feeling better. But it’s up to you. Please could you at least let me know how you’re doing? X
She can’t resist texting him now. Maybe she’s a fool, but she tries to think if their roles were reversed, she would definitely want to know that Jacob wasn’t in hospital or anything.
I’m ok. Family were looking after me and now going back to mine, going to rest some more before returning to training.
He replies immediately: Thank you, Addy xx
Adriana closes her eyes and sits there for the rest of the journey.
Arriving at her flat is a relief, especially as it’s particularly quiet and restful today, in the September sun.
She takes it in, trying to breathe deeply, trying to let go of the tension in her.
So much so that she doesn’t notice that there is someone else there in the courtyard with her.
There he is on her doorstep holding a huge bouquet of sunflowers.
‘Jacob,’ she whispers, stunned.
Jacob leaves the flowers on the step, and walks over to her.
‘Addy,’ he says, seeming unsure of how to greet her. ‘God, it’s so good to see you. How are you feeling?’
She shrugs, teary. ‘I’m– I’m okay.’
‘I know I’m being cheeky with making a loophole from your message asking me not to text you… if you want me to leave, please tell me, and I will.’ He speaks as if this is something he’s practiced saying to her.
She finds his loveliness hard to bear. She feels herself welling up, and looks away, wiping desperately at her eyes to try to stop it.
‘No, it’s… you know it’s wonderful to see you. I love seeing you, I just… it’s hard. Hard seeing something I want and can’t have.’ She admits.
‘Could I come in?’ he asks gently. ‘I’ll leave whenever you want, I promise. But I have some things I would really like to talk to you about, and I…’
He gestures to the doorstep where, Adriana hadn’t noticed, there is a large takeaway bag from Honey, with a drink in a holder.
‘Your mocha might be a touch cold, but the brownies should still be good.’
Adriana’s eyes well again in pleasure and gratitude. And then she laughs, thinking of how much of Emily’s baking she’s been consuming recently.
‘You and my family have the same tactics,’ Adriana says, wiping her eyes as she lifts the Tupperwares she’s carrying. ‘You better come in.’
Her body still feels heavy as she heads up the stairs to her flat, Jacob in tow. In her kitchen she gets them two glasses of water, feeling embarrassed at how much of a state of chaos her open plan studio is in the first time he’s seeing it.
‘May I?’ Jacob asks, and lightly takes over setting up their teatime plates of brownies and pastries, and pouring her mocha over star-shaped ice from her freezer, into one of her chunky pink bubble glasses, with a metal straw.
‘Iced mocha for Adriana?’ he calls, like he’s her barista.
Adriana raises her hand playing along. ‘That’s me!’
He hands it over and sits on the armchair opposite her on the sofa, bringing the smiling cloud shaped pillow from his back onto his lap, seemingly unconsciously stroking it softly.
For a moment Adriana has a vision of the two of them, just being able to be silly like this, having these gentle, mundane moments together, sharing tea and cake.
She wants it so much she starts tearing up again and the thought it can’t be like this.
Jacob sits leaning forwards, arms on his knees and she wonders if this is how he looks when he is preparing for one of his big pitch meetings.
‘Can I tell you something, Addy?’
She nods.
‘When I got your text saying you didn’t want to see me anymore, I was in the middle of having a big conversation with my dad.’
Adriana’s head jolts up, watching him. Jacob’s face is serious but calm.
‘I had asked him to meet with me a while ago, and he had finally, begrudgingly I might add, found the time to fly over from – I can’t even keep track of where in the world he was–’ he shakes his head, makes a gesture of trying to get himself back on topic.
‘It doesn’t matter. What matters is, I had wanted to talk to him to formally step back from my position as club director. ’
Adriana’s stomach flips, and she blinks her big eyes at him.
‘You’re resigning? But… But why?’
‘Getting to know you has made me believe for the first time that I really am not like my father.’
Adriana’s heart swells. She can’t stop herself from reaching out and squeezing his hand in support.
‘It made me realise that in order for me to be proud of myself,’ he continues, ‘and to have any chance at happiness at work, or indeed outside of it, I needed to stop working for him. I told him I wasn’t the right fit for the job.’
‘But I thought you were… I thought you found it satisfying? Being so good at it?’
He shrugs, lines crinkling at the side of his eyes. ‘My heart wasn’t in it.’ He hesitates for a moment, then meets her eyes. ‘My heart was elsewhere.’
‘Oh,’ she’s nervous to hear what this means. ‘Go on.’
‘I don’t want you to think that I resigned just because of you, because of us. I want to be clear that I also have been feeling this way about working with my father for a very long time, you just helped me realise it was untenable.’
He sighs, unclenching his jaw.
‘But it would be a lie to say that it wasn’t a big factor for me.
You. Us. And I don’t mean this in any kind of pressurised way, I honestly don’t believe I’ve given up a job for you so it has to work.
I just want to be honest that I haven’t felt this excited about someone before.
I haven’t felt that it’s so right. In the end it was the easiest decision I could make.
If the job was getting in the way of us developing our relationship even further and causing us to have to keep it a secret when I want to tell everyone how mad I am about you. I want to give this a proper shot.’
Adriana launches herself onto his lap, and snuggles up to him. She tucks her head onto his broad chest, and his long arms clasp round her giving her that feeling of safety and home. He strokes her hair, kissing the top of her head, and for a moment, she feels completely blissfully happy.
But then she remembers about her side of things. About her doubt of whether Jacob had a role in getting her the captaincy.
‘I emailed Coach,’ Adriana whispers, scared to break their happy bubble. ‘Turning down the opportunity to be captain.’
She feels Jacob nod slowly above her.
‘Ms Hoffman did inform me of your email,’ he says. ‘I think her exact words were “what the hell has gotten into you quitters this week?”’
They both chuckle a little.
‘She was very concerned about you,’ Jacob says, Adriana hearing his low rumble from his chest. ‘She really did feel terribly responsible, and I know how much she wants to learn from this and improve the experience for players now. Before I resigned, I’ve signed off on new mental health guidelines and free therapy for any player who wishes it with budget ring-fenced for it. ’
Jacob strokes Adriana’s hair. She is breathing easily, finds it almost hard now in this state of peace to remember, the crushing tension in her chest that had been coming and going with terrifying unpredictability these last weeks.
Table of Contents
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