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Maeve must be in Hell.

She wakes up on Sunday morning with a start in a sweaty furnace of her quilt, her stomach twisted, and stumbles to the bathroom. She flicks on the light, but then groans when it’s way too bright, and immediately turns it off again. She sits on the floor before the porcelain throne, clutching at it.

Adriana’s words from last night echo in her mind. ‘This isn’t the Maeve I know. This isn’t like you.’

What is happening to her? Her throat feels dry and rancid, her head feels like someone forcibly removed her brain with a spork from how hard it’s pounding and how unable she is to think clearly. And her t-shirt smells like… tequila?

As Maeve sits on the cold bathroom tiles, still wearing her t-shirt and pants from the previous night – she had the sense to take her jeans off to sleep at least – memories from last night start to surface in hazy bursts.

Kira cornering her in Adriana’s cottagecore kitchen about how she needed to cool down.

Adriana fighting with her on the side of the street, telling her off for how she’d been mean to Kira.

And, worst of all, Kira dancing in the club, looking like an archangel fallen to earth.

All Maeve had wanted to do was kiss her, right there, in front of everyone, and forget everything else.

But Kira had made a point of ignoring her whenever they were in front of anyone.

It’s fair enough, Maeve supposes, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting.

To have Kira’s golden eyes looking down at her, not up at her from the locker room floor.

To have Kira laughing with the other members of the team, people who were meant to be Maeve ’s friends and seemingly not care that Kira has just swooped in and taken her place.

Kira just staring at her as if proving over and over, again and again, that Kira could do everything Maeve wanted to do and be better at it than her too.

The truth was that although they appeared to fight on the surface, Maeve had felt drawn to Kira in a way she’d never experienced before, a way that felt even riskier than their secrecy and terrified her.

Maeve dry heaves.

Afterwards she slowly gets up from the floor and thinks what she would do if she was looking after Adriana in a similar hungover state.

She makes herself a berocca and drinks it, wincing at the frothiness.

She fills her personalised water bottle and sips from it.

She makes dry toast and nibbles at it delicately.

She showers, and puts on her softest pyjama-like clothes, her hair up in an old cow-patterned towel, another gift from Adriana.

Adriana is everywhere in her flat, ghosts of their closeness.

Maeve picks up her phone to check if she has messages from Adriana, hoping she has checked she got home okay even if they did have a falling out.

She finds nothing from Adriana, but Maeve has six missed calls and a string of messages from an unknown number.

She clicks on it first, trying to work out what the emergency is.

Hey May, it’s Jess ;) x

I’m at the bar what would u like?

Hey?

Where did u go?

U still here?

Hey again we r just leaving the bar u still up? ;) x

And then this morning:

Missed saying goodbye to you last night, text me if u wanna get hungover coffee xx

Maeve groans and puts her phone back down to have some more toast before replying. She feels bad, but honestly, it’s the kind of bad she’d feel about letting any admin task slip, like forgetting to reply to a time sensitive email.

Maeve’s not used to kissing strangers and she doesn’t know the etiquette of how much or little to say to someone she doesn’t want to see again.

There’s nothing wrong with Jess, she seemed like a very lovely person, but then, what does Maeve know?

It’s not like they chatted much. Maeve saw someone making eyes at her when she was near Kira, and seized her chance.

Kira should have been proud of her, for making a bold tactical move in the heat of the moment.

Maeve knows now in the cold light of day it was a pathetic attempt to try and make Kira jealous, which just makes her feel stupider than she already did.

The perfect person to ask would of course be Adriana. But, even though Maeve, for the life of her, can’t remember exactly what they fought about, she knows that they did have cross words.

She picks up her phone and sees with a jolt that she has had another message too – from the contact she has saved as just CHOKSI.

i don’t want to hook up any more

Maeve reads it, and feels her face go immediately scarlet.

She feels the punch of rejection, shame, and loss, right in the pit of her stomach.

She reads it and re-reads it, feeling the panic bubble up inside her before realising she’s actually going to be sick again.

She runs back to the bathroom, and throws up.

Flushing the toilet and feeling worse than when she’d first woken up, Maeve brings her phone with her to the sofa, where, despite the summer heat winning the fight with her air con, she hides under her own blanket to read the message again.

In the time between her reading that message and going to the bathroom, Kira has already sent another one.

i don’t want there to be any confusion over what we are doing or who we are to each other you have made it clear that you only care about being captain no matter what so fine, have it your way

Under the blanket, Maeve reads the message over and over, each time feeling like another wrench on her heart.

In the heat of the moment, angry and ashamed, Maeve types back with loud taps,

Fine.

And before she can stop herself, sends it with a swoosh.

She goes back to bed and buries herself into a cow-shaped pillow.

When Maeve wakes up, unsure how much later it is, her throat like sandpaper and her eyes like lab rats being tested with toxic eye drops. She manages to compose herself enough to put Mr Milkalot aside (he’s now damp from her tears) and makes herself another piece of plain toast.

Maeve should be happy about Kira’s message! She can be more ruthless if there isn’t any – as Kira put it – ‘confusion’ about what they’re doing. Maybe this is a sign that Maeve is on the right track, that she’s successfully getting to Kira. So why doesn’t this feel anything like a win?

Adriana is the only person who could understand right now. Or maybe Maeve could pretend she’s heartbroken about someone else – this Jess person from last night?

Maeve, still sniffing, goes to check Adriana on Find My Friends to make sure she got home okay. That’s when Maeve sees Adriana isn’t at her flat.

She isn’t at her family’s, or anyone else in the team’s.

Maeve’s pulse quickens, but it isn’t like this is completely unusual – Adriana must have gone home with a man last night.

And now Adriana is at – Maeve zooms in as much as she can – what might be one of the new luxury studio complexes by the waterfront?

Maeve sends a quick message to check in on her. It doesn’t matter if they left things in a weird place, she just cares about whether her friend is okay.

Sat nursing her hangover alone, embarrassed, and rejected, Maeve can’t help thinking her friend is likely having a much better time than she is…