Page 24 of Corrupted By the Shadow King (Hope Runs Deep #3)

Alex

T hese last weeks I have lived more than I ever thought possible for someone like me.

I often find myself questioning what I did to deserve her, thinking of my life and grasping at straws to find even a tiny shred of decency for proof.

I’m not worthy of her, and I know that. I’m a killer—the leader of one of the most ruthless cartels in Mexico—being kind-hearted and forgiving isn’t who I am.

Nikki is all of those things and more. She’s the embodiment of hermosa .

She is selfless and considerate. She brings brightness into my life by simply entering a room.

But when she smiles at me, a hopeful light reaches depths of my soul that have only ever known darkness and pain.

I’m a horrible human being. The worst. I should have never pursued her and should have let her leaving be the end of us.

But I’m a rotten mercenary born to fill a malevolent role, so I didn’t.

I selfishly sought her out repeatedly, knowing from the beginning that if I don’t ruin her, the lies that fracture through the foundation of our relationship could.

I want to tell her the truth about me. But how?

Countless scenarios of how to approach explaining the subject to her flash through my mind as Ricky pulls the car in front of the hospital.

My jaw tenses, and I blow out the breath from my nose.

I could change every detail of the delivery, but in every instance, there is a common factor.

The ending. The only outcome I can see is her leaving me.

I’ve never cared for anyone like I do her.

It’s selfish to want a life with her, because it might one day mean asking her to give up the life she’s made for herself.

Doing that isn’t fair to her, but to protect her, I would do anything.

If she leaves, it will destroy me, but I have to be honest with her. I’ve known that all along, but tonight after our date, I intend to lay it all out for her. If that leads to my own self-destruction, then so be it. I would rather be the cause of my own damnation if it means sparing her wreckage.

“Hey! It’s Alec, right?” The man who wouldn’t accept Nikki turning him down intercepts me, running out of the sliding doors of the emergency room. His hand wraps around my shoulder, and I glare at him, considering dropping him on the pavement where we stand.

“It’s Alex,” I sternly correct him with a tic of my upper lip as I pronounce my name properly.

“Oh, right. Sure. Nikki asked me to tell you that there’s a trauma upstairs and no visitors are being permitted on the floor. We’re on lockdown. You’ll have to wait for her here. She shouldn’t be long.”

“I see.” The urge to shove past him and look for Nikki is my first instinct.

I already don’t like him for being pushy with her and wouldn’t lose a bit of sleep murdering him for that alone.

Of course, he doesn’t know this and is being a helpful coworker.

I don’t care. He’s standing between my queen and me.

I decide to play nice, silently nodding my head. “Thank you,” I say, my gaze never leaving him.

“I can wait with you, if you like. It can get interesting here at night. So, if you’re uncomfortable being here—” He is too involved and is trying too hard to be nice. I don’t trust him.

“I’m fine,” I cut him off, walking past him and into the waiting area of the emergency department.

Nikki must be tied up with the trauma. She’s never stopped me at the door, much less sent a messenger to do it, especially someone from another department.

It’s weird. I check my phone in case I somehow missed her text.

Nope. The last text from her is timestamped twenty minutes ago. Strange.

Once I’m inside, my eyes scan the room for an empty seat.

A filthy man with greasy hair has his head on one of the chairs and the rest of his body in a wheelchair.

He might be unconscious. None of the workers seems a bit concerned by his state, so perhaps he’s sleeping?

I really don’t know. A half-eaten chicken wing is on his chest, and there is a Styrofoam container on the floor next to him, beside a urine specimen cup.

I’ve been in some questionable situations in my life, and even I’m questioning this place.

Balancing on the tips of my toes, I step over the mess on the floor and take a seat.

The floor has dried blood spatter, and something clear is pooled in the chair beside me.

It looks sticky. This isn’t for me. I’ll take the bloodiest of scenes any day over this hospital scene.

Although our doctor has dealt with most of my family’s medical needs, I had been in hospitals prior to meeting Nikki.

They’re supposed to be a place people come to for healing, not to catch something.

As soon as my phone chimes, I’m on my feet and back out the door. Even though I didn’t need it, I’m happy to have a reason to leave the area.

Nikki: Where are you?

ME: The Emergency Department, waiting for you.

Nikki: Ok. I’ll be down in a few.

Without a conscious thought, I smile. My queen will be where she belongs soon. When I reenter the waiting area, I steer clear of the spot I chose before, deciding to stand until she arrives.

“ Hermosa ,” I greet her, kissing her cheek.

My hand wraps around her waist as she smiles.

I missed her and need more time with her, even though we saw each other last night.

I pull her into my arms, melding our mouths together, and I’m instantly hard.

I don’t want to let her go, but I do. She slips her hand into mine as we walk toward the exit.

I’ve never questioned my place in the world at any age. El Lobo is the role I was born for, and it suits me, but as a sense of peace swells within me, walking hand in hand with her, I question everything.

“ Mierda! El Lobo,” a voice seethes. I’m on point, and my guard is up immediately. My hand releases hers, and I dart in front of her for her protection.. Anyone who calls me by that name either knows of my whereabouts or is not someone I want around her.

My eyes glare at the vato , and my peace vanishes. “Mateo,” I growl.