Page 44 of Conviction

I stare at her blankly for a few seconds. It’s not so much the inappropriateness of my friend’s words, it’s that I have so many emotions swimming through me, along with a fair amount of alcohol that I can’t seem to form a sentence.

“He’s still got it. He’s still fucking hot. I’d totally do him, even if he is fifty.” I smile and shake my head at Sophie as she moves to the music. “Reed looks good too though, you’ve gotta admit it, Neen.”

I look back down on the stage. He does look good. He looks like he’s doing what he was born to do and an immense feeling of pride washes through me.

No wonder he was feeling nervous about performing. Marley Layton was his absolute hero when we were younger, and Carnage, the band Marley was in, was our favourite. We’d been to see them together a couple of times, and now, here he was, living his dream up on stage with his idol.

My heart’s racing as the song comes to an end. The crowd quiets as Marley addresses them, thanking everyone for coming and all that had been involved in making the event happen. He then thanks, Conner and Gunner Vance, Shift’s drummer for performing with him and then he moves to Conner’s spot, while Conner moves to the front of the stage.

“People,” he shouts into the mic. The crowd goes wild.

“This is a little song that I think you all might know. This is a song I wrote about someone very special to me.” My stomach breakdances around my belly, and my heart feels like a hand has punched through my chest and is squeezing it tight. I can’t stand here and listen to this. If he’s going to dedicate a song to his girlfriend, I have to leave, Ineedto leave. But I don’t. I stand gripping the ledge that travels along the edge of the balcony and wait for his words to flay me.

“This is for you, Nina, and no matter what, you’ll always be my Amoeba.”

“Fuck. Me.” Sophie says from beside me.

The crowd erupts again as the band rocks out to, ‘Where I Are.’

“Holy fucking shit,” are the words that come out of my mouth, while my brain digests the lyrics of the song being sung by the man that has owned my heart for so very, very, long.

It's moments like these when I stare at the stars, when I look at the moon and wonder where you are.

Do you like the same things, and do you ever think of me?

Do you ever think of me, and wonder what could've been?

Do you ever look at the stars and think of me?

Do you ever think of me, and wonder where I are?

Where I are.

You hated tomato sauce on your chips and marmite on your toast.

You didn't like your feet tucked in bed, but loved extra gravy on your roast.

I knew you inside out, but would I know you now. Would I know you know?

Would you pass me in the street like none of it mattered?

Would you just walk by, like what we had wasn't real?

Please tell me it mattered, I need to know that it mattered.

I can sometimes go for days but then a smell, a sound, or the words of a song.

It brings it all back, reminds me that it all went wrong.

You hated marmite on your toast.

Loved gravy on your roast.

Do you have moments like these when you stare up at the stars?

Do you ever think of me, and wonder where I are?

Do you ever think of me, and wonder where I are?