Page 134 of Consumed By You

I rub the back of my neck. “The other day, we were fighting. I was being a complete asshole as usual and she just wanted to help. I ended up practically throwing her out, Doris. I told her to go. I should have let her, but I couldn’t. I don’t know what’s changed. I see a possibility now where I can imagine being happy with her, and—”

“Let’s just cut the bullshit now, Ben.” I look up at her in shock. Expletives from Doris? This is unheard of.

“You arehead over heelsfor that girl. I don’t care how many times you deny it, how many times you say you don’t know. You are probablymorein love with her than she is with you! What you’ve been telling me right now confirms that, so why don’t you just put aside your fears and this lie you’ve been telling yourself all your life and justgive in to it!”

“Doris, it’s not that easy.”

“Loveis easy!” she exclaims, flailing her arms. “I know a thing or two about it, and let me tell you if you just let it happen, it is the easiest, most wonderful thing to experience. Can you honestly sit here and tell me you can imagine your life now without her in it?”

No.

“Can you see her with other people and not feel your heart sink to your gut?

No.

“Can you imagineyourselfwith other people?”

No…

She lifts her arms in anI-told-you-sogesture.

Holy shit.

I think my heart has dropped next to my feet. The world is spinning around me.

“I-I can’t tell her.”

Her eyes bloodshot and swollen, Doris insists, “Why not?”

“Because she won’t leave me after that. She’ll stay.”

“I don’t get it,” she says, confused. “You don’t want her to leave.”

I think about Darcy’s past. She can’t be thrown to the public…it’s too dangerous. With all the police surrounding us, she could be discovered.

Doris stands. “Darling, all I can say is that she looks at you like I looked at Arthur. And most people never get the pleasure of knowing that look.” She leans down to kiss my cheek. “You do deserve love, Ben.Take it.”

I’m suddenly alone in the dark, the fire burned out.

I don’t know how long I remain there, but by the time I reevaluate where I am, dawn is breaking. My hands go into my hair, tugging. I’ll soon be bald if my life continues spinning out of control the way it has been.

The only safe place to bring me back to reality is the thought of Darcy in the next room.

She’s fine. Nothing’s happened yet. Icantake care of her. I can figure out a way to keep her from the police…I have to. Since I can’t let her go,I have to.

I stand up, knowing I have to go tell her everything.

Right now.

I can’t wait any longer.

I need to tell her that I’ll keep her safe.

I need to tell her that she matters above all else, that I won’t ever let her go.

I need to tell her…thatI love her.