Page 132 of Consumed By You

I’m envious of the love they shared. Over fifty years of admiration, loyalty, trust. Her words struck a chord within me, the one I’ve been trying to silence.

I step out onto Benjamin’s large balcony. No one is outside since it’s practically an uninhabitable temperature, but I want nothing more than to be alone.

I sit down on one of the seats facing the skyline, trying not to think about how high in the sky I am at the moment.

It really doesn’t matter how much I open up to him. It doesn’t matter if he knows every part of me, because until he accepts what he feels, he’ll never be able to open his heart to me. I can tell he wants to…but something is holding him back.

And it’s going to destroy us.

About fifteen minutes later, someone places a warm blanket on my shoulders. I don’t have to check to know it’s Benjamin.

“Doris just saw you out here. She’s worried.”

“She’s always worrying about everyone but herself.”

“It’s a good and bad quality,” he says, sitting down beside me. “I’ve been worried since we arrived, I just haven’t known what to say.”

I purse my lips. “Me either.”

“I know why you’re upset and I understand. I do.” I look over at him. His lips turn up sadly. “I only began to really know him when he got sick. I wanted to be there for Doris. I wish I had been around them when I was growing up. I don’t see how someone can fake what I saw today. I see what it is that you want.”

I stare down at my feet. “Could we ever have that? Even a small piece of what they had?”

“I have trust issues, I know. I’m cold and I put my business before everything. I don’t speak to my family. There is something inside of me that is resisting, that is scared to be with you. All I know for sure right now is that it would kill me if you were able to have that with someone else.” He reaches across to move a strand of hair from in front of my eyes. “It would kill me. Just saying it out loud is making my heart race. I hate that you’ve been with other people. I hate thatI’vebeen with other people.” He cups my face and my breath catches, my hands quivering against my thighs. “I just wish I had met you in grade school. I wish that it had only ever beenus.”

“But it hasn’t. That doesn’t change the fact that Ilove you, Benjamin. You’re the only man who’s ever made me feel safe. When we’re together, I’m not alone anymore, but when you pull away from me, I’m completely lost. I don’t know what to do…how to make you understand.”

My lips have begun trembling, so I bite down on the flesh to keep the tears at bay.

“Just give me some time, Darcy. This is all so new to me. I’ve never thought about someone other than myself. It’s daunting to realize someone else is depending on me. Justplease, tell me you won’t give up on me yet.”

My head is resting on his chest, his arms tight around me. I nod and clutch his dress shirt.

“I’m here, Benjamin.”

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FIVE

Benjamin

“What are you still doing out here?” Doris asks softly, closing the sliding doors to my balcony. “It’s three a.m.”

“Can’t sleep.” I move my poker through the small fire in the fire pit, trying to keep it alive.

“Where’s Darcy?” Doris is swaddled in a blanket, so I figure she’s come out on a mission. She’s not leaving for a while.

“She’s sleeping in the bedroom.”

“She stayed…that’s good.” She smiles. “I’m happy you two are finally together. You deserve it.”

“No. She deserves better than me. I don’t deserve anything,” I mutter bitterly.

“How can you say that?” Doris snaps. “You are one of the most generous people I know, Benjamin. Just look at what you’ve done for me.”

“Ihateit when people say that.” I shake my head, knowing she’s completely wrong and being blinded by my money.

“Why?”