Page 22 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World

Tamsin’s smile didn’t waver. “After you ran off yesterday, Sunil told us so many fascinating things. Is it true you wear diapers?”

My face heated as I struggled to hold her gaze. “No, it’s not.”

A spark of malice glimmered in her pale eyes. “Really? Sunil said everyone on the sixth floor knows that you do.”

“I wouldn’t trust everything Sunil tells you,” I snapped, mortified and furious in equal measure. “He’s a sleazeball who assaulted me. And the woman who started that diaper rumor? I threw her into the Stygian Maw.”

Tamsin studied me warily. “I doubt that. Sunil says you’re a loser.”

“Hey, Crocodile Dundee? We’re working here.” Lex met her stare with a blandly hostile gaze of their own.

“Yes, I can see that. Fascinating stuff, too.” She picked up a book from the table and read the title embossed along its spine.

“Ein praktischer Leitfaden zur Kindesentführung für diejenigen die keine Erfahrung mit Menschen haben. ‘A practical guide to child abduction for those inexperienced with humans.’ ” Letting it fall back to the table with a loud thump, she asked curiously, “What are you working on, I wonder?”

“None of your business,” I replied defensively.

Lips curving into a superior little smile, Tamsin rested her hands on her hips.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’ve got big plans of my own, you know.

Sunil and I have made a deal—we’re going to take those two positions in middle management for ourselves.

If you’re smart, you’ll keep your head down like a good boy and let the grown-ups win. ”

Before I knew what I was doing, I’d bolted to my feet, fists clenched so hard they quivered. “I’ll kill you both first!” I snarled.

“Whoa, hey, let’s not get blood on the books,” Lex cautioned, rising to their feet as well.

Tamsin’s smile widened a little. “Okay, champ,” she said, lip curling with a hint of sneer. “Careful you don’t wet yourself.” Then she turned with a ripple of hair and walked off.

I stood there for a while, shaking with rage and embarrassment until I managed to bring myself under control. When I turned to Lex, they were watching me with an unexpected mixture of concern and sympathy.

“This isn’t about getting a corner office,” I told them, a little hoarsely. “This isn’t even about saving the world. It’s about getting to the top, and kicking people in the teeth on my way up.”

“People like her?”

I nodded mutely.

After a moment, Lex nodded as well. “That’s the kind of ambition I can get behind. Okay. I’m in.”

There wasn’t much to say after that. Lex promised to keep researching, which was nice of them, and we exchanged numbers before I returned to the thirteenth floor.

For the rest of the afternoon, I seethed at the thought of Tamsin and Sunil snatching those positions in middle management away from me. I couldn’t let that happen.

It was my turn to win, and if either of them got in my way, I’d make them regret it.

When Ms. Crenshaw reappeared, she ran me through a series of minor incantations while I struggled and sweated.

I didn’t burst into flame, which was good, but I did liquefy a chair, which was less good.

As we watched it twist and slump into a chunky pool on the floor, Ms. Crenshaw remarked, “You’ll need to do better than that if you want a spot in middle management. ”

“Yes, ma’am,” I sighed.

“Is that starting to eat through the carpet?”

“I think so.”

“Let’s get Janitorial Services up here, then.” Her hoop earrings swayed a little as she shook her head. “Your pronunciation is terrible, your intentions are unfocused, and your will leaves much to be desired. It’s going to take some serious work for you to reach basic competence in the dark arts.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

Embarrassed, I returned to my desk and put in a call to Janitorial Services.

Not long after that, my phone buzzed with a text from Eric: I’m in Midtown.

Up for a walk after work? My mood bounced instantly from shame to ecstasy, and I agreed to meet him a couple of blocks from the office.

Then I settled in to wait out the clock, counting the seconds until I was free.

“Tell me something no one else knows,” Eric said.

The sidewalks of Midtown were not the most romantic of locales, perhaps, but we were occasionally bathed in late-afternoon sunshine and it wasn’t yet hot enough for the city to smell like garbage, so it could have been worse.

Besides, Eric made any location wonderful, especially when he smiled over at me and clasped my hand in his.

I furrowed my brow. “That no one else knows?” I repeated. “Okay. Hmm. I still have a stuffed Kermit the Frog doll that I got when I was one year old, and sometimes, when I’m feeling down, I hug him at night until I fall asleep.”

He burst out laughing. “I wanted a dark secret and you gave me wholesome cuteness.”

I laughed as well. “I don’t really have any dark secrets,” I said, before remembering that, in fact, I did. My laughter died.

Eric didn’t notice my sudden somberness as he grinned, dimples dimpling. “That’s okay. Dark secrets are overrated.”

We walked a little farther, hand in hand, before I said, “Your turn.”

He turned his head to watch a couple of taxi drivers shouting at one another. “Sometimes I wish I had a different job,” he said at last.

I studied his profile. “Why?”

His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I used to love it. Lately, though, it feels less and less fulfilling. It’s taken me all over the world, but I’m always at someone’s beck and call, doing what I’m told.” He let out a long breath. “It’s starting to feel a little exhausting.”

“You haven’t told anyone you work with?”

“Not yet, no.” His hand squeezed mine. “You’re the first.”

Warmth trickled through my chest. “So let’s say you decided to do something else. What would that be?”

He glanced sidelong at me. “Promise not to laugh?”

“I promise.”

“I’ve always wanted to open a little shop that sells Korean delicacies. Things like chapssaltteok, gyepi-manju, gonggal-ppang—the stuff I grew up eating in San Francisco.”

“That sounds wonderful,” I murmured, leaning closer so my shoulder bumped his.

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” The smile he gave me was wistful.

“It’ll happen, someday. I’m sure of it.”

“You are?”

“Absolutely. Didn’t I tell you? I can see the future.” Just as soon as I figure out what those teeth are trying to tell me.

He laughed quietly. “Well, that’s reassuring. Thanks.”

“Hey, anytime.”

We walked for a while in silence through the usual press of harried pedestrians before Eric’s hand tightened on mine. “Tell me more about your job.”

I floundered as I tried to think of a suitable response. “There’s not much to say,” I finally replied. “It’s just a job.”

“Do you like your coworkers?”

“Our office can be pretty cutthroat. It’s hard to make friends with people who would happily send you to Hell.” I caught myself, then laughed in a weird, strained voice. “Just kidding. No one is sending anyone to Hell. That’s just an expression we use sometimes. Around the office.”

“And the bank you work for? Are they decent, do you think?”

I hesitated. “Decent?”

“Do they do good things?” He looked over at me. “A lot of banks do shady stuff.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t know if—I mean, good is a relative concept, isn’t it?”

“Is it? Okay.” He shrugged and gave me a smile. “Your turn again. What else do you want to know?”

Desperate not to talk about my job, I asked impulsively, “How did your last relationship end?”

“Badly,” he replied, tone rueful. “You?”

“I’ve never really had one.” My face heated with embarrassment. “Not a real one, at least.”

“How come?”

I shrugged uncomfortably. “Never found the right person, I suppose.” Trying to keep my tone light, I said, “I bet all of your past boyfriends have been models, or European royalty, or dashing men with attractive scars and mysterious fortunes.”

Eric laughed. “No. I’ve definitely never dated anyone like that.” Pausing, he added thoughtfully, “I wouldn’t mind a couple of attractive scars, though.”

I tried to laugh as well, but nothing happened beyond a nervous grunt.

I had no scars, attractive or otherwise.

In fact, I had nothing to offer at all. The idea of Eric jet-setting around the world, meeting an endless parade of hot men in far-flung locales, made my insides shrivel.

Why had I asked about his past relationships?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, breaking the strained silence that had fallen between us.

“Nothing,” I muttered with a shake of my head.

“Hey,” he repeated, more softly this time. He came to a stop, tugging me gently to stand next to him, forcing people to veer to either side. “Did I say something wrong?”

Staring fixedly at his shoes, I shook my head again.

“No. I’m sorry. I just—” My throat closed around what I wanted to say.

For a moment, I stood there, struggling.

Then he wordlessly took my other hand in his, and that made me look up into his face.

“I don’t know what you’re doing here with me,” I said, words tumbling out of me in a rush.

“On a scale of one to ten, you’re…I don’t know, a forty-three?

You’ve traveled the world. You have, like, actual biceps, and probably a set of washboard abs as well.

And I’m literally the most boring person in the world.

I’m wearing a cardigan, Eric. You can see this cardigan, right? ”

“Yes,” he said seriously, “I can see your cardigan. I think it’s very nice. The color suits you.”

“So what are you doing here?” I asked helplessly.

A faint line appeared between his eyebrows. “Why would I want to be anywhere else?”

I stared at him.

Gripping my hands in his, he pulled me even closer. “Colin, this isn’t a pity date,” he told me as he gazed into my eyes. “I’m not stringing you along.”

“But—”

“I think you’re super cute,” he broke in gently, “and funny, and sweet. And if you can’t believe that, at least believe that I want to be here. Because I do.”