Page 20 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World

Before I could respond, we arrived at the cafeteria, a huge space filled with the muffled cacophony of silverware and conversation.

Most employees tended to self-segregate by floor when they ate there, so each circular table was a little island inhabited by a particular culture.

The people in Client Services, for example, wore expensive suits, talked exclusively in corporate jargon, and literally never looked up from their phones, while the freaks who worked in Research and Development sketched plans on napkins and tinkered with objects of unknown (but probably sinister) function while everyone else kept their distance.

I hurried to collect a tray ahead of Deborah—yesterday I’d watched her hold up the line for five minutes while she asked the cafeteria employees questions like “Was this meat slain in battle?”—and, once I had my pierogies, I walked toward the table where Lydia was already sitting with two other people.

She gave me a smile as I set down my tray in front of an empty chair, then returned to blotting a dark stain out of the frilly cuff of her blouse with a napkin.

On the other side of the table, a white woman with long blond hair smiled as well before taking a dainty bite of the fruit on her plate.

Next to her slouched an Asian man of about my age scrolling endlessly through his phone.

“Colin, this is Tamsin and Jianguo,” Lydia said in her low voice, nodding to each in turn. “Tamsin is the executive assistant for Ms. Obiakaeze in Transportation, and Jianguo works for Mr. Venables in the Repository. Colin is Ms. Crenshaw’s latest assistant.”

I smiled shyly at the others as I sank into my chair. Jianguo grunted without looking up from his phone, but Tamsin gave me a considering look. “So you’re up on thirteen,” she observed in what I thought was an Australian accent.

“I am, yeah.”

“I’ve heard that Crenshaw is seriously scary.”

I thought about it as I speared a pierogi on my fork. “She is,” I agreed. “What’s Ms. Obiakaeze like?”

Tamsin swept her hair back over one shoulder.

“Fine, I suppose. I thought there would be more travel, working in Transportation, but all I do is draw up schedules.” Her lips curved into a moue of displeasure.

“It’s not very exciting unless a visitor goes on a rampage or accidentally engulfs someone.

Even then, I just end up doing a ton of paperwork. ”

Nibbling a pierogi, I tried to look sympathetic.

“Take last week, for example. Two idiots from Human Resources fell through a gateway to the Stygian Maw.”

I choked a little and reached for my water.

“I have no idea what they were even doing in Transportation to begin with, and then they fall into literally the worst realm in existence.” Tamsin rolled her eyes.

“I had to submit a ton of paperwork after that. Plus, Kettering’s assistant kept calling me and demanding answers, as if I would have any. ”

A shiver went through me, a hint of foreboding, just before she looked over my shoulder and added sourly, “Speak of the devil.”

With a hint of familiar cologne, Sunil sank into the chair next to mine, teeth bared in a wolfish, unfriendly smile. My fork fell from fingers gone suddenly numb, clattering onto my plate.

“Look who it is,” Sunil said. “Harris, the CEO’s bitch-boy.”

Tamsin’s pointed features lit up with something like glee as her gaze flicked from Sunil to me and back again. “You two know each other?”

“Oh yeah,” he agreed without taking his eyes off me. “I was his boss until a couple of weeks ago.”

“You weren’t my boss,” I mumbled, staring at the table.

“What’s that, Harris?”

Trying to calm the butterflies raging in my abdomen, I turned to look at him. “You weren’t my boss,” I repeated, more clearly. “Ms. Kettering was.”

Sunil snorted and turned to his plate. “Whatever, bro.” Grabbing his chicken sandwich, he took an enormous bite and then chewed while looking around the table, somehow managing to look attractive and confident while doing so.

“Hey, Tamsin,” he said around a mouthful of food, “you ever find out what Abbott and Friedrichs were doing on the fifth floor?”

“For the last time,” Tamsin replied, sounding irritated, “I have no idea. They were your people. Maybe keep better track of them.”

Sunil swallowed and then sat back in his chair with a scowl. “Well, it’s really fucked things up in HR. And on top of that, I have another analyst who keeps screaming whenever anyone walks up behind her. Kettering is riding my ass.”

A vicious, deeply inappropriate reply bubbled up from somewhere inside me, but before I could speak, Lydia said, “Oh, there’s Deborah!” and lifted a hand to wave the other woman over.

“What are you doing?” Tamsin snapped softly. “We’ll have to listen to more stories about her years in the Abyss. I don’t know about you,” she added, turning to me, “but I find her so boring now.”

Boring was not a word I would have applied to Deborah.

Turning my head, I watched as she caught sight of Lydia and veered in our direction, dropping her tray onto our table with a bang before slinging herself into a chair.

Her eyes darted from one of us to the other, then to the rest of the room as she hunched over and started eating ravenously.

The rest of us watched in an uncomfortable silence, apart from Jianguo, who had yet to look up from his phone.

Unspoken, though probably foremost in all our thoughts, was the understanding that any one of us could suffer the same fate she had, or worse.

The life of an executive assistant was not without its perils.

Shuddering delicately, Tamsin popped a cube of melon into her mouth and chewed as she studied me. “So how did you land a spot with Crenshaw?” she finally asked, clearly doing her best to ignore Deborah. “I’d do anything to work for the CEO.”

I shrugged uncomfortably and kept my gaze on my pierogies. “Just lucky, I guess.”

“C’mon, you can tell us,” Sunil said, leaning toward me with a feral grin. “Who’d you blow to make that happen?”

From his other side, Lydia murmured disapprovingly, “Language.” Then she licked the napkin she was holding before scrubbing vigorously at the bloodstained cuff of her blouse.

My face heated until I was certain it was bright red. “Shut up, Sunil,” I said. “I didn’t do anything like that.”

His grin widened maliciously. “Yeah, right. Was it everyone on the executive board? Is your jaw still sore?” Tamsin touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip as she watched, obviously enjoying herself.

My hands gripped the edge of the table until they ached.

“It’s going to take more than a couple of quickies in the executive bathrooms to snag one of those spots in middle management.”

Fury boiled through my veins, white-hot. “That’s more your style, isn’t it? Making sleazy offers in bathrooms?”

“You little shit,” he spat, eyes narrowing.

“Don’t talk to him like that.”

We all turned to Deborah. Even Jianguo looked up from his phone. She was staring at Sunil, scarred face expressionless but eyes burning with dislike, hand clenched around her knife so tightly that her knuckles had gone white.

Sunil hesitated. Then his lips curled into a faint sneer. “I should have known you’d rush to the defense of a loser like Harris, Debbie. Takes one to know one.”

Deborah bared her teeth in a snarl and rose to her feet, but I did as well, holding out a hand as if to restrain her. “Don’t bother. He’s not worth it.” Next to me, Sunil was watching Deborah warily, but at my words he flicked a contemptuous gaze in my direction.

“I’m not worth it? You’re weak and scared and pointless, Harris. You’re less than nothing.”

As I heard him give voice to things I secretly feared, something inside me gave way, like a wall crumbling.

I expected an avalanche of shame and humiliation to pour through, but instead, there was an icy clarity on the other side.

Slowly, I leaned down until my face was inches from his, until I could see the contempt in his hazel eyes replaced by a flicker of uncertainty.

“Gerald and Andrea didn’t accidentally fall into the Maw,” I told him, very quietly. “I put them there. And I’ll do the same to you if you mess with me.”

I straightened and grabbed my lunch tray. Deborah was still standing on the other side of the table, knife gleaming in her fist. I met her gaze and she nodded. Then I turned and walked away.

“You’re a dead man, Harris,” Sunil called after me, voice lifting over the jumbled murmurs of two dozen different conversations. “You hear me? I’m going to end you.”

Sitting behind my desk in the anteroom outside Ms. Crenshaw’s office, I listened to the faint screams drifting in from the hallway while I considered my situation.

I’d relaxed a little after reaching the thirteenth floor, as if the hard part was over.

But if anything, I was in more danger now than I’d ever been in in Human Resources.

I’d seen the calculating looks Tamsin had given me, and I had no doubt whatsoever that she would happily engineer a fatal accident if it got her my job.

On top of that, Sunil wanted to end me, my boss was determined to break me, and the faceless Thing was out there somewhere, snacking on unsuspecting people.

Accruing power is a lot of work, I thought irritably. I should have been smarter and asked to be emperor of the world, or maybe a literal god. But no, like an idiot, I’d decided instead to ask for something reasonable. The next time I was promised my heart’s desire, I’d make smarter choices.

Nonetheless, I had a foothold on the path toward unimaginable rewards, and that was better than nothing.

All I had to do now was impress Ms. Crenshaw along with the rest of the executive board, neutralize any employees who came after me, and figure out how to stop the world from ending.

Oh, and also hang on to the handsomest, sweetest, most amazing man in New York.

Why did achieving all of my dreams have to be so hard?

I don’t know what woke me that night—a change in air pressure, maybe, or a faint sound.

Lifting my head, I peered groggily around my bedroom.

Sulfur-yellow light from the streetlamps outside wormed its way through the blinds over the window, striving in vain to dispel the deep gloom that cloaked the rest of the room.

Nothing there. Or…wait. Was there something in that corner?

I leaned forward a little, trying to pierce the shadows with my bleary gaze.

The darkness moved.

Hello, Colin.

My response was immediate, a nauseating rush of adrenaline that kicked my body into frenzied motion.

I scrambled backward in bed, mouth open, trying to scream with lungs paralyzed by fear.

Huddled against the headboard, I watched as a tall, emaciated figure drifted slowly out from the corner of the room.

Did I wake you? the Thing asked with false solicitude. Stripes of lamplight climbed across its spindly limbs as it drew closer.

“Wha—” Heart pounding, I took a deep, shuddering breath. “What are you doing here?”

I wanted to say hello. It stopped two or three feet away from the bed, forcing me to look up into…nothing, a pulsing blackness as vast and empty as the void between the stars, silhouetted against the paler, lesser darkness of the room. We’re old friends now, you and I.

My initial terror was subsiding a little, but my hands still shook as I gripped the duvet and pulled it closer. “Are you here to eat me?”

No, no. I promised I would save you for last, and I’m an entity of my word. Consider it…an expression of gratitude. Its narrow body tilted toward me. I can smell the blood on your hands. You’ve been busy. How many lives have you ruined since I granted your wish?

“I don’t—”

I knew you had a vicious streak, Colin, buried under all that self-loathing.

I didn’t know how to respond to that. “You said I was destined for greatness.”

And you’ve achieved it, by releasing me. You should be proud.

Curled on top of my bed, I stared up at the Thing. “You’re really going to devour everything, aren’t you?” I whispered.

Oh yes. I’ve been hungry for such a long time, but I’m determined to savor the experience.

A nibble here, a taste there. I’ll speed up eventually—I won’t be able to help myself—but for now, I’m sampling the buffet you’ve laid out for me.

Its slender form shifted in the darkness, turning to face the rest of the apartment.

There’s a little snack just down the hall, isn’t there?

“You stay away from her!” I growled, my terror washed away by a sudden fury. Without thinking, I started to rise from the bed.

The Thing turned its attention back to me, blackness pouring from the collar of its shirt and coiling restlessly through the air of my bedroom. Maybe I’ll save her for the end, too. Would you like that? You can watch while I devour her, and then it will be your turn.

My clenched fists shook at my sides. “Leave her alone.”

Slowly, it drifted backward. Oh, she’s going to die. You’re all going to die. But not tonight. Hands clasped in front of its chest, it retreated into the shadows, sinking from view. Sweet dreams, Colin. I’ll be watching you.