Page 38

TOM

A fter a grueling week of practice, during which I barely saw my son, I was ready for a day off.

Sadly, that meant I had only one full day before Callie and Crew went back to Boston, leaving me for a full two weeks.

As busy as it was during the day, I wasn’t looking forward to being alone at night.

I had grown accustomed to having both of them in the house.

Callie read her books while I handled Crew’s bedtime routine, joining us for at least one song at night.

And we’d both done our best to cool things down.

Yes, the sexual innuendoes continued in full force, but without witnesses, there wasn’t a reason for us to touch.

And while I still wanted her fiercely, I didn’t want whatever happened to be based only on lust. Kelsey, Callie, and I all needed this situation to work out more than I needed to get laid.

Our team this year looked good, and several rookies looked promising with potential call-ups from the AHL.

Way too early to think about playoffs before we were out of training camp, but we had chemistry in our lines.

That said, it’s a long season, and shit could happen, injuries, trades, and off-the-ice drama.

But I was starting the season optimistic.

While we didn’t have practice, we had a family skate event planned on Saturday.

Callie was meeting me at the rink with Crew, and it would be his first time in skates.

I had only been a little older than him when I skated for the first time.

My grandfather had brought me, my mom had to work, and my uncle had decided that I needed to learn how to play hockey.

I think back to where I would be if neither of them had committed to getting me on the ice or had been able to help my mother get me to lessons.

Yes, during middle school and high school, most of my memories with her were of the car rides and shitty hotels we stayed in for all the travel team games, but those first skating lessons were crucial.

Callie: Um, Houston, we might have a problem.

Callie’s text gave my stomach a bit of a lurch. My mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario. Had something happened to Crew?

Me: ????

Callie: Crew does not want to wear socks. He’s taken them out of the backpack six times. I’ve hidden a pair in my purse, but he’s adamant.

Me: Ugh. I’ll talk to him when he gets here.

The transition to cooler weather hadn’t been easy for Crew.

It wasn’t cold yet, but the weather in Denver could be unpredictable, and while the sun was intense and the afternoons were warm, he needed to get used to long pants, socks, and sneakers.

So far, he’d been very vocal about his resistance to being covered.

When Crew got there, he threw more than a minor tantrum as I tried to get him in his skates.

I ended up bribing him with M I would pick out a bag of mini marshmallows that would be mine if I behaved.

If I acted up, she promised to put them back.

I was fine with bribing him; skating changed my life, and I hoped it would be just as important in his future.

Callie had said she could skate, but that was a stretch. Watching her on skates reminded me of a baby giraffe getting its legs underneath them for the first time.

“I thought you said you could skate,” I asked as I skated behind Crew, him pushing a milk crate.

“Fine, I can move around on the ice with skates on my feet,” she said, her face more than a bit pink. “I clearly remember saying I wasn’t good at it, though.”

Callie had great balance, probably something she learned from skiing, but she was timid on the ice. “I guess you both need lessons.”

She smiled and tried to do a little shimmy, landing on her ass.

“Kiwi!” Crew yelled. Worried that Callie had hurt herself, he let go of his crate only to land on top of her in a heap. Thank God Callie was laughing because that set the tone for Crew as he joined in with her.

We spent another fifteen minutes with both of them struggling on their own before I scooped Crew up.

“Wanna go fast, bud?” I asked as he giggled and looked at the older kids flying around the ice. I took off at a safe speed, trying to give him a taste of what it felt like to fly around the rink.

“Kiwi, turn,” he said, pointing back to where I’d left her. I skated him over to where Mariana was skating with Lucy and AJ.

“Hey, he wants me to help Callie skate. Can you watch him for a second?”

“Sure. Come here, buddy,” Mariana grabbed a milk crate, and I skated back to where Callie was shuffling around on the ice.

I stopped short in front of her, the ice spraying off my blades, catching her wobble before she started to fall again. I grabbed her hands and started to skate backward, pulling her along with me.

“Relax. Do you trust me?” I asked her.

She gave me an odd little look, swallowed hard, and answered, “Yes.” For some reason, I felt that her answer was about more than whether she trusted me not to let her drop on her ass.

“Are you surprised by something,” I asked.

“Yeah, but it’s not something I can put into words. Sorry,” she said, breaking eye contact and looking over to where Crew was giggling with his friends. Callie was uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the afternoon and went straight to her room after we returned home together.

After we put Crew to bed, I caught her in the kitchen while she made herself a cup of tea.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I knew the plan was to travel back to Boston tomorrow. But I don’t want to leave.”

“Are you going to miss me?” I asked, trying to make light of the situation.

“Well, yes. But it’s not just that. It’s like I feel like I am taking Crew away from you, but then I know he also needs to be with his mother. I guess I thought it would be easier than this.”

“I’ve spent over a year feeling like my guts were going to be ripped out every time I sent Crew back to his mother. And I feel just as shitty when he cries for her when he’s with me. I can’t say I’ve gotten used to it. It fucking sucks.”

“What do you do here by yourself?” she asked.

“I’m going to get up, go to practice, come home, eat, sleep, repeat.

I’ll probably spend some time with my ass planted on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through bullshit social media posts.

All things that used to feel normal or ‘enough’ for me but make me feel like I’m living to pass the time.

The highlight of my day will be the brief video chat I have with my son. ”

Her eyes filled with tears, “I’m sorry, Tom.”

“Me too. But I can’t spend time wallowing in my self pity.”

“Is this your long-term plan?” she asked, her eyes red-rimmed.

“My long-term plan is to get my ass to the east coast, somewhere closer to Crew, for when he starts school.”

“And can you make that happen?”

“I have very little control over where I end up. That’s the nature of the game. If I am at the top of my game, I might have options to negotiate a new contract. Might.”

“Are you lonely?” she asked.

“Fuck, yes,” I admitted, running my hands through my hair.

“You can call or text me,” she whispered.

“I plan to,” I said, leaving her no question about my intentions.

She nodded, blowing on her hot tea and taking a tentative sip. “I’ll take care of him.”

Fuck. My gaze dropped down to my hands, both clenched with the stress. “I know you will. And his mother and stepfather also are great. It doesn’t make me want to be with him less. It just makes me feel like a shitbag.”

“You know how lucky he is, right?”

“No. Honestly, I wonder every day if I’m the selfish idiot.”

Callie put her teacup down and moved in front of me, wrapping her hands around my middle, her head resting on my chest. I dropped my chin to the top of her head, breathing deep, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and getting a whiff of the faint scent of apples.

We stayed there silently for a bit longer before Callie untangled herself from my arms and headed to bed.

“Night, Calliope,” I said.

“Goodnight, Tom.”