Page 75 of Close to You

‘That is such a blokey thing to do,’ she says. ‘Can you imagine me dragging you upstairs to go through old Cosmos?’ She swallows a mouthful of wine and then adds: ‘At least they’re getting on…’

I’m not sure how to respond because I would far rather theyweren’tgetting on. My hushed altercation across the table with Ben has brought that closely enough into focus.

‘How’s the car?’ Jane asks.

‘They’ve impounded it for some sort of inspection. My solicitor said I might not hear back about it for another week.’

‘I meant Andy’s BMW.’

‘Oh… His indicator stick is on the other side of the steering wheel, so I keep setting the wipers going when I’m trying to go around a corner – but it’s fine other than that.’

She holds the glass in front of her face, lowers it and then lifts it again. It feels like she’s mulling over whether to say something. In the end she places the glass on the table.

‘Are you still OK for tomorrow?’

I stare at her blankly, trying to figure out what she means.

She must see it because she quickly adds: ‘You’re taking Norah in the afternoon…’

‘Oh, of course. I thought you meant something else.’

I’m not fooling anyone. I’d completely forgotten I am supposed to be keeping an eye on Jane’s daughter while she gets a mole removed.

‘Take her to the park,’ Jane says. ‘The forecast says it’ll be dry and she loves going there. She’ll want to stroke all the dogs and, before you know it, ninety minutes will have gone past.’

‘You’re dropping her off at…?’

‘One o’clock. Do you want me to bring her to the studio or your flat?’

‘The flat. I’ve got packing to do in the morning anyway.’

Jane nods along, though my gaze is momentarily drawn towards the baby monitor, panicked that Norah might start crying again and I’ll be asked to go and sort it out as some sort of indoctrination. It wasn’t that long ago that I was telling David I was pregnant – and now it seems incomprehensible that I ever felt ready for that.

‘Are you looking forward to the move?’ Jane asks.

I hesitate, wondering if, perhaps, Andy has returned and is now standing behind me. Under the guise of stooping to scratch my ankle, I check there’s nobody there and then sit up straighter again.

‘Of course,’ I say.

‘I think it’s great that you’re finally moving on,’ she replies.

‘From David…?’

‘Who else? I’ve been thinking about what I saw in the park earlier and perhaps I was wrong. I was trying to keep an eye on Norah and there was a bit of mist around. I don’t know…’

I’m not surprised that she might try to backtrack on what she said she saw. It’s natural. We see something we can’t explain and then, in the hours afterwards, we convince ourselves it wasn’t really like that. My problem is that I have a photo to confirm what was there.

‘Are you sure you’re fine to look after Norah?’ Jane asks.

It’s not as if I could say ‘no’ when she first asked, let alone now.

‘Of course,’ I say.

She obviously sees it within me. ‘But…?’

‘I’m on bail,’ I say.

‘It’s not like you did anything, though, is it?’