Page 32

CHAPTER 31

ANASTASIA

Song- Soulmate, Chanin

My face buries into the pillow as I sob out my frustrations.

What was I even thinking? Pushing him to marry me must have been a mistake.

Maybe he’s had a ton of girlfriends before I came along.

I didn’t know him when I committed myself to him. Am I stupid for thinking this could work?

The bed dips when he sits next to me.

“Ana, I’m sorry.” His warm palm rests on my lower back.

I hate that it feels so good when he touches me. I want to be mad at him.

“I don’t know why you don’t trust me? Instead, you let that… woman show me up? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is? I’m supposed to be your wife!” New tears flood out of my eyes and I fall nose first into the damp silk again.

His fingers wrap around my shoulders, and he pulls me up to look at him.

“She’s never seen my face after the?—”

A searing, stabbing pain shoots through my chest, a physical manifestation of the anguish I see in his eyes. I gently placed my palm against his warm cheek, feeling the faint pulse beneath my fingertips.

“So I have to live the rest of my life with a man who will never show me his complete self? You love me. You don’t want to lose me. Don’t you think I deserve something more? If you really cared, don’t you want me to be happy?” I sob the last words out.

Because with him, I am the happiest I have ever been. And I think it’s the same for him too. We were forced together in this cruel world for a reason.

“You aren’t happy? I don’t make you smile?” The sadness in his voice makes my throat close up.

“You do, and that’s what hurts. I’m in love with a man who believes he’s a monster with no heart. And I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make you see that there is something beautiful beating in that enormous chest of yours. That you do, in fact, have the capability to love extremely hard, you just won’t admit it. But I can’t live my life with someone that won’t bare their soul to me and show me the scars that run so deep they shut themselves off from happiness. I want the man under that mask to love me fiercely. To show me his darkness and let me bring him into the light. I know what I want, Mikhail. You. But not just the parts you aren’t afraid to show me. All of it. Every horrible part so I can love them, too.”

I turn away from him, not even wanting to read his reaction. Every word I said is the truth. I am in love with him way beyond his appearance. My heart beats for this man, my body comes alive for him and my soul is entwined with his.

“It’s because I love you that I don’t want to show you the parts I hate. The parts that nearly broke me. That make me weak. I love you too damn much to taint you with my flaws. I want to shield you from the dark, not drag you in with me.”

As my gaze meets his, fresh tears roll down my cheeks. He loves me too? I shake my head and run my hands through his soft hair.

“That isn’t how it works, Miki. Give me your demons. Let me dance in the rain with them. Why are you really hiding from me?” I whisper.

He sucks in a ragged breath, and the sight makes my own chest ache. His pain is mine.

“I don’t want to lose you. Maybe I’m fucking petrified you’ll see what’s under here and leave.” His words are almost a whisper.

I shake my head and stroke the fabric of his mask. Leaning in, I press a soft kiss next to his nose.

“You think that little of me? That there is seriously something under that mask that I’ll be repulsed by? That I’ll hate. Because there isn’t. Nothing. Mikhail.”

His eyes close and he sighs.

“If I can’t even look at it, why the hell would I expect you to?”

His voice is so raw. Broken almost. His fingers dig into my thigh and I place my other hand over his and squeeze for reassurance.

“Mikhail. Stop. I am never leaving your side. I’m your wife. You are my goddamn husband. Let me ask you a question…”

Silence fills the room and a knot of nerves forms in my stomach.

“Go on.”

To be closer to him, I sit on his lap and he lets out a groan, making me break into a smile.

“Now isn’t the time to tease me, iskorka,” he mutters, squeezing my hips.

“No, probably not. Just don’t focus on my butt for a few minutes.” I wink at him as he strokes a stray strand of hair away from my face.

“Your ass, Anastasia, is constantly on my mind.”

“Good. Now. Listen.” I give him a stern look. I take a breath through my nose before I continue.

“If something happened to me tomorrow, let’s say I get hit by a car, and my face is all smashed up, hardly recognizable even. I’m laying in a hospital bed, you’re probably holding my hand and plotting revenge. But would you want me any less because I didn’t look perfect anymore?”

He doesn’t hesitate in his response.

“The fuck. No. What I feel for you is way beyond that.”

My heart races. I’m on the right track.

“Will you love me in forty years when I have wrinkles?” I continue.

He runs his fingers through my hair and twirls the curls around his finger.

“Yes.”

I look down at him, fiddling with the lock.

“Would you love me if I shaved my hair off?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” I press.

“Because it’s you. I love every single thing about you. Your fire, your sass, the way your smile lights up a room, the way you gravitate towards me, the way your eyes burn into mine, the softness of your touch. The way you brought me back to life. You are my iskorka in every sense of the word.”

Blinking back the hot, stinging tears, I feel the gentle pressure of his palm against my cheek. I lean into his warm touch.

“I’m not giving up on you, Miki. I wouldn’t even know how. But you gotta let me in, show me the real you and let me love him too. It’s just us here, us against everyone. You took me. You stole my heart and there’s no return on that. Don’t make me fight for this alone. I believe the man hiding under that mask is worthy of my love, and I’ll prove it to you. Take it off, Mikhail. Nothing changes. Not a single thing. Only that you give me the final key to unlock your heart.”

He nods slowly, but doesn’t move his hand from my face.

“Let me help?” I whisper softly.

He averts his gaze away and closes his eyes briefly.

“Look at me, Mikhail. Not just at me, look past it, go deeper. It’s me. It’s only us here. I’ve given you every piece of me. I trust you, I cherish you, and most of all, I want to love all of you. Now show me who you really are.”

He curls his thumb beneath the edge of his balaclava, then rips it over his head.

I’m so used to looking in his chocolate colored eyes, it takes me a moment to comprehend what he’s done.

Reaching up, I feather a soft touch over the puckered skin on his cheek, and trace the tight pull at the corner of his full lips.

“Oh, Miki…” I trail off. “You’re hot as hell.” I can see the scarring that goes up his sharp jaw, but it’s nothing like what I envisioned.

His mouth drops into a frown. “It used to be much worse. After it had healed, it was still bright red…almost angry looking.” He shakes his head. “Even my own niece was terrified to look at me. It was just easier to cover it up. Then it became who I was.” He shrugs, then cups my hand with his against his cheek.

“You make me want to be a better man, pretty girl.”

I shake my head, and he frowns in response.

“I don’t want you to be better, Miki. I just want you to be mine, exactly the way you are now.” I keep my touch light on his scars. He doesn’t flinch. He seems to be at one with me seeing him.

“It feels good,” he rumbles. “I can’t remember the last time anyone touched me there.”

That makes me giggle. “Miki, I’ve had my hand everywhere on you but there.”

I curl my knees under me, and frame his face with my palms. “No more secrets, okay?” I reach forward and touch my lips to his scars.

“Or what?” For the first time, I get to see him smile. And what an incredible sight that is.

I trail my thumb down his chin. “Or it’ll be my turn to spank you.”

With a growl, he rolls over me, pinning me to the mattress. “I promise, no more secrets. But I can’t say there won’t ever be spankings.”

I look up at him through my lashes and smile, wriggling in his hold as he pushes open my legs with his thigh.

“So, mask stays off when we’re alone?” I ask.

“Yes. Only you get to see the real me. He’s all yours.”

He crashes his lips over mine for a searing kiss, one that sets me on fire. It’s perfect. And he is all mine.