Page 33 of Choosing Her

saylor

“Are you sure I don’t look like an idiot?

” I asked, picking at the dark purple Hartwell shirt that I was wearing as we walked down the back halls of the ice arena.

It was the first time I’d ever come to a hockey game since starting at Hartwell, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

Especially since Poppy had dressed me up in all our team colors and drawn purple lines on each of my cheeks.

“You look amazing,” Poppy promised. She hooked her arm through mine, almost skipping down the hallway and pulling me along with her.

I wasn’t sure if she was trying to be sweet by linking arms or if she was trying to subtly tell me to hurry up.When we got to the locker room door, she knocked on it softly, without poking her head in, in case there were any naked guys in there, and said, “Bear! Crossy! Come out.”

I heard some hollering and laughing from the other boys in the room and flushed.

It had only been a couple of days since Crossy and I kissed and aside from the day he hugged me in the hallway after he found out he passed his math midterm—with flying colors, I might add—we hadn’t really been public with our relationship.

Coming down here like this went against all my self-preservation instincts of keeping Crossy a secret.

He’d always been that to me—after New Year’s Eve, in the summer, since the beginning of the school year.

I knew how to keep him secret and now I had to learn how to be open with him instead.

The boys appeared a second later, both half-dressed in their hockey gear. Bear barely even spared me a glance before he ditched Poppy and gave her a long kiss. I awkwardly looked away at Crossy, who was standing beside him. He looked over my outfit and grinned. “Nice look,” he said.

“Hey, I came out here to support you,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “The least you could do is be nice about it.”

“I told you that you looked nice. Is that so wrong of me to say to my girlfriend?”

I flushed a little at the word “girlfriend.” I’d never been somebody’s girlfriend before.

“Though,” he said, tapping his finger against his chin, “I do think there’s something missing.”

“What?” I asked, looking down at my outfit as if I knew anything about what I was supposed to be wearing right now.

Just because my dad was a hockey coach didn’t mean I knew anything about this.

Growing up, I’d been dragged to plenty of games, but I spent most of them buried in a book, determined not to give him the satisfaction of thinking I cared.

“Just wait right here,” he said, and then he ducked back inside. When he came back out, he had a washable marker in his hand. I frowned at it, not sure what he was going to do.

“Do you trust me?” he asked. I nodded slowly, and then he took my chin in his hand and gently wrote something on my cheek.

He leaned in, so his lips brushed my ear and whispered, “There. Much better.” I didn’t have a mirror, so I had to pull out my phone to act as a mirror.

When I did, I realized he had written 9. I glanced at him.

“Your number?” I asked.

He shrugged, putting the cap back on his marker. “How else is everyone supposed to know you’re with me?”

I rolled my eyes, but before I could respond, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. When he pulled away, his gaze flickered past me, and his expression shifted.

“What?” I started, but then I followed his gaze—and my stomach dropped.

Naomi stood at the end of the hallway, her face tight.

“Sorry,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “I just—never mind. I’ll go.”

She spun on her heel and ran back the way she came.

“Naomi!” I called. I pulled myself out of Crossy’s grip. “I’m sorry, I have to?—”

“Go ahead,” Crossy said immediately. I glanced at Poppy, but she was mid-conversation with Bear, so I just left and trusted that Crossy would let her know where I went.

“Naomi!” I called again, my voice echoing across the walls. “Wait up!”

I caught up to Naomi just outside the arena, my breath fogging in the cold air. She didn’t slow down, didn’t turn, just kept walking with stiff, purposeful strides like she could outrun this. Outrun me.

“Naomi, wait,” I said, reaching for her arm.

She jerked away before I could touch her. “Don’t.”

I sucked in a breath. “Just let me explain.”

She finally turned, her face tight, like she was holding everything in with sheer force. “Explain what?”

“I—I know this looks bad,” I started, but Naomi let out a sharp laugh, shaking her head.

“Bad? Try humiliating,” she snapped. “God, did you ever think to tell me? Or did you just plan to let me find out like that?” She motioned vaguely toward the arena.

I swallowed hard. “I didn’t plan any of this.”

“No? Then explain it to me. Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re dating my ex behind my back.”

“I didn’t plan for you to find out this way.”

“Oh, right,” she said, voice laced with sarcasm. “Because that makes it better.”

I shook my head. “Naomi, please just listen to me.”

Her arms crossed, her jaw clenched. “Fine. Talk.”

But when I opened my mouth, she cut me off.

“You know what? No. I don’t actually need to hear whatever excuse you’re about to come up with.” Her voice was sharp, angry. “Because it’s not gonna change the fact that you went behind my back. That you snuck around with him, knowing full well who he used to date.”

“It’s not like that?—”

“Then what is it like?” she shot back. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like my own sister betrayed me.”

My chest tightened. “It’s not betrayal.”

She let out a bitter laugh. “Really? Because I’m pretty sure dating your sister’s ex is the definition of betrayal. How long were you even planning to keep this from me?”

I hesitated, and she shook her head in disgust.

“Unbelievable.” She turned like she was going to leave, and something in me cracked wide open. I was so used to being the calm one, the one who kept the peace, the one stayed quiet. But I couldn’t now. Not when it came to Crossy.

“I loved him first!” My voice echoed down the hallway and it felt like it went on forever, yelling the words at her over and over again. Naomi froze, her whole body stiffening like she’d been struck. Slowly, she turned back, her expression unreadable. “What did you just say?”

I swallowed hard. “I met him first,” I said, quieter this time but just as firm.

“New Year’s Eve. Before you ever knew he existed.

That night, when you were in the pool and…

” I trailed off as I looked at her face and realized that she hadn’t even noticed that I’d been missing for hours that night.

We’d met back up to go home but she didn’t ask me where I was for what I was doing or if I was okay, even though she’d promised to stay by my side the whole night.

At the time, I’d been so focused on Crossy, I hadn’t even thought about it, but now, it was staring me in the face.

I’d done everything I could to be a good sister to her, and she had never once bothered to do the same for me.

“I met him. We talked all night. We kissed.”

“Then how come he dated me instead of you?” Her voice was condescending, her face twisted up and ugly. And the longer I stared at her, the less I recognized her.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I asked hollowly. “You knew the letter he wrote was for me. And you went after him anyway.”

She stayed silent, staring at me with her chin lifted as if she somehow had the high ground here. And that was enough to tell me the truth. I shook my head and laughed humourlessly, as tears welled up in my eyes.

“All this time,” I said. “I’ve been trying to avoid my feelings because I didn’t want to hurt you.

Because I thought you genuinely didn’t know who he was.

But all you ever wanted to do was hurt me.

” I chewed on my lip as I studied her—the hard face, the crossed arms, the condescending look in her eyes. “Wow. You really have turned into Mom.”

Her mouth gaped. “Excuse me?”

I ran a hand over my eyes, swiping away any of the tears that may have welled up there. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be anywhere near her at all. I’d spent so long trying to hold on to Naomi, thinking she was the only one in my family who loved me and yet…

Now, it was obvious to me that I had nobody. Nobody but Crossy, Poppy, Lilah, and all my other friends. Maybe that was enough.

“I need to go,” I said. My voice was more flat and emotionless than I’d ever heard it, even when I was talking to my parents. “I want to watch my boyfriend’s game.”

Naomi flinched a little at the words and I couldn’t help but feel a little sense of satisfaction.

But then she lifted her chin again and said, “I hope one day we can get past this.” She stared at me, probably waiting for me to bend and say we’re already over it.

To brush this under the rug, to forgive her, to move on, like I always had before. But not today.

I lifted my chin and stared at her with a hard gaze. “Yeah. I do too.”