Page 19 of Cheshire’s Smile (The Crimes of Alice #3)

No one and nothing else mattered. I shoved passed Cheshire and the gaping twins and raced through the doorway Eugene had entered. Dorian stepped out of a room, his expression grim.

“Is he?” I swallowed barely able to speak around the knot in my throat.

Dorian nodded. “He’s in there.”

The scent of sickness pressed on my back telling me that Cheshire was following me. I didn’t wait for him. If I did, I’d cry. I’d fall apart and I wasn’t sure if I would get back up again.

Forging forward, I braced myself for what was to come. I knew in my heart that Hatter’s sickness was not like Cheshire’s. If it had been they wouldn’t be hiding him away. No, Hatter... Mercury had to be worse and I didn’t know if I could take it.

I pushed the already half opened door and stepped into the room. The scent of sickness overwhelmed my senses. I powered through. My gaze solely focused on the male laying in large bed in the middle of the room.

Long silvery hair was spread across the pillow.

Someone had a bowl with a washcloth sitting beside the bed as if they had just finished washing the sweat from his brow.

His body shook with tremors and yet he was covered in piles of blankets.

His handsome face had grown gaunt and deep bruises sat beneath his eyes.

It broke my heart. I hardly recognized the male who had spent the last year with me.

“M... Mercury,” I gasped, my hand over my mouth before I stumbled across the room to fall at his bedside.

Those gorgeous silver orbs opened painstakingly slow. A small smile curling his lips. “Alice darling,” he croaked and then fell into a coughing fit.

I clasped his hand in mine, clinging to him as I brought a cup of water from the bedside to his mouth. “Oh, Mercury.” I could barely breath each word, a painful stab in my chest. “Why did you come back here? None of this would have happened if you’d just stayed home.”

Hatter sipped from the cup before weakly lifting his hand to my face. “I couldn’t let my heart go on uncomplete.” His gaze flickered over my shoulder and I knew the others were there watching. I didn’t care.

It didn’t matter if Carban and Coby knew how much I cared for Hatter. It didn’t matter if I showed all my cards right then and there. I was about to lose one of the pieces of my heart right now and I could do nothing about it.

“But it’s not,” I argued, holding the hand firmly to my face. “I’m right here. Aren’t I enough?”

Hatter made a sound that was supposed to be a laugh before he began coughing again. After a small sip of water, he stroked a finger under my eyes brushing away the tears. “You were always enough for me, Alice darling. But you were not complete.”

I followed his gaze as it shifted over my shoulder.

Cheshire stepped forward and knelt beside me on the floor, his arm wrapping around my shoulder while his other hand sat on top of Hatter’s lap.

For a brief moment, I let my eyes bob over the twins.

Not wanting to see the mistrust in their expression, I turned back to Hatter.

“I don’t understand.”

Cheshire squeezed my shoulder. His eyes locked on Hatter.

“Don’t you though? Hatter knew what you were missing before even you did.

It’s only right that he would want to bring them back to you.

” Cheshire glanced over at the twins, still speaking, “Because without all of us, you are not Alice. And Hatter wouldn’t be who he is, if he was selfish enough to keep you to himself. ”

My shoulders tensed at the eyes burning into my back.

Anger swallowed up my misery. “You could have just told me. Leaving a cryptic message wasn’t the way to do this. And you left your phone... again.”

Hatter smiled lovingly down at me. “I know I did. But how can one be reminded of what one has forgotten if they don’t know they forgot it. I needed you to remember on your own.”

“And I did,” I shoved down the angry words that wanted to come forth. “But now I’m going to lose you in the process.”

“You’ll never lose me.” Hatter placed my hand on top of Cheshire’s sandwiching it between them, his eyes heavy on both of us. “Neither of you. I’ll always be here.” He weakly tapped his chest with his free hand.

“Fuck that!” I jerked to my feet, pulling my hands away from him. “You can’t say that to me. Not now. Not ever. I refuse.”

“Alice, stop being a little brat,” Carban stalked forward until his nose wrinkled in disgust. He pressed on anyway until he was inches from me.

“Hatter is on a brink of death and you’re acting like it’s all about you.

If you’d stop thinking about yourself for one moment then maybe none of this would have happened and Hatter wouldn’t be dying. ”

“Carban,” Hatter began.

Carban let out a derisive laugh.

“But what can we expect from the Great Pretender. I’m surprised you even came back for Hatter since you didn’t give two shits about the rest of us. You are just that childish self-centered manipulative little girl from long ago still playing pretend.”

He grabbed me by the shoulders, his fingers biting into my flesh as he snarled, “Why are you even pretending to care if Hatter dies now? You didn’t before. You didn’t give two shits about what happened to us when you betrayed us. So why now? Why?”

The anger inside of me had reached an all-time boiling point. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I couldn’t pretend.

“Because I didn’t remember you!” I shouted, shoving at his chest. “Is that what you want to hear?”

Everyone was staring at me now in an array of emotions. I was making a scene. I was showing my hand. But I couldn’t find it in myself to care.

“Do you want to know how for a hundred years, I sat there and watched all my memories — all my precious moments with you slip away until the only thing I remembered was my name and by some miracle Hatter.” I pointed at the man in the sick bed with a sad laugh.

It wasn’t funny. No one was laughing. Only silence and the racing beat of my heart. I wasn’t done yet.

“I made mistakes. I know I did. I made a rash decision because I was so desperately in love with you all that I would have done anything — anything to stay here with you.” I gripped the front of his shirt with my fists, angry tears running down my cheeks.

“So no, I didn’t come for you. I let you sit here. Punished for my crimes.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “I let you sit here because up until a few hours ago, I didn’t even remember you existed.”

I dropped my hands, my breath coming in rapid pants.

The words had finally come out. The thing that kept me from coming after them. The expressions on their faces might have been amusing if my own emotions weren’t threatening to take me over right then and there.

“So, there. There you have it.” I lifted a hand lamely, shoving at the tears on my face. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I must figure out how to save the Underground... again. Because fuck knows no one else is going to do it.”

Without waiting for anyone to respond, I raced out of the room.

My heels clacked on the tiled floor beneath me, matching the rapid pounding in my chest. I vaguely heard someone calling my name but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t run away from my problems or my feelings but at that moment I had to try.

There wasn’t anywhere I could run and hide in the palace. Not without getting completely lost, so it wasn’t surprising when I found myself falling to my knees before the pool of spirits by the bridge leading to the palace.

My knees ached at the impact but not more than the pain in my heart. I stared aimlessly into the pool. For a moment, I wondered how much easier it would be to just float the rest of my days away.

It certainly had to be easier than this.

I sat there for a long time with my arms wrapped around my knees, staring out into the mist.

How had everything gotten so tangled up?

A week ago my biggest problem was which human was going to come in with an imaginary complaint about the fae messing up their yards or hitting on their spouses.

A week ago, I was wrapped in Hatter’s arms none the wiser that I was missing three other males in my life.

It wasn’t a great life but I didn’t know that at the time.

And yet it was still so much simpler than now.

Now, I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t care about what was happening with the Underground. It was no longer not my problem .

Cheshire having the sickness? Okay, a bit of a problem. But it hadn’t been affecting him the way it had the others so it was just a minor inconvenience. Still workable.

Hatter with the sickness? Laying there looking so feeble and inches away from death? That was a problem. One that now I had to figure out how to fix.

I knew how to fix it. Everyone did. Except I couldn’t make the sapling grow faster. The only hope was finding someone to take the High King position. To be the ruler of all the Underground and bring the magic pieces back together.

Someone who wasn’t going to become some mad tyrant causing an all-out war. Someone who was selfless enough to give up their own freedom to be tied to the Underground for the rest of their life.

I snorted, kicking my foot out. That counted me out.

I hadn’t been selfless a day in my life.

There was nothing in this world that would make me want to be the ruler of all the fae.

Sure some might say that I could be petty and become the High Queen simply to get back at all the fae who had treated me harshly over the years.

But the responsibility that came with it far outweighed the satisfaction of seeing their faces when they realized I was their new High Queen.

Besides, even if I wanted to be the High Queen. Which I didn’t. There wasn’t enough time. Hatter could die at any moment. I didn’t have time to go through whatever trials that were required to prove to the Underground that I was the right choice. I needed a way to help Hatter now.

I sighed, my lids closing briefly. When I opened them, something dark zipped through the mist.

Sitting up straighter, I squinted into the pale purple haze.

A dark figure moved through the mist, coming closer with each moment. The figure became more solid forming that of a male. My palms started to sweat. Fear iced my veins over, making my movements slower. The mist separated and out stepped the fae who haunted my nightmares.

The Shadow Man.