Page 43 of Charmed, I'm Sure

“Momma, I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I’m needed at the Pack House. Something about my initiation and duties. I hate to cut our time short, but I will call more often.”

Her shoulders drop. “It’s alright, sweetie. I understand. I love you to the moon and back.”

“Love you too Momma.”

I’ve barely even hit the end button before Matilda is already talking.

“I’ve got the best news for you! I know that the last one didn’t work out as well as we had hoped, but you’re alive, so I call it a draw on that one. Not a win, but definitely a loss. I mean, I saw you two yesterday. She was definitely feeling something. So I say it’s time to move to the next step.”

“You said that yesterday when we sent her a Renaissance-era ghost quoting poetry to her.”

She holds up one of her translucent fingers.

“That was your idea, dear. As payback for the Mooing Shoe. If you remember correctly, I said that it wouldn’t land the way you thought it would. I’ll have you know she chased him out with dried sage, threatening to banish him. He’s been shivering in a corner ever since then. Not really, but kind of.”

I run my hand down my face, questioning how this has become my new reality. I’m literally arguing with a ghost about who had the worst idea so far.

“Okay, fine. It was my idea.”

She waves me off. “This time I’ve got just the idea. Now, hear me out because this one is wild, romantic, and just the thing to melt her frozen heart.”

I can’t imagine it’s going to be good. But what do I have to lose?

“She needs a pet. Something adorable and unexpected. Something that will get along with her familiar swimmingly. With its little grabby hands that will steal both her trinkets and her heart.”

My eyes widen. Please, no. She can’t be serious.

“You mean a raccoon?”

“Exactly! Although, I hear they are called trash pandas now. But, regardless, it’s going to be a burglar of her affection. You might just end up having to fight it for attention from her.”

“I doubt it,” I mumble under my breath.

Two hours later, as I’m stomping my way through the section of the forest claimed by the wolves, I’m seriously questioning why I keep taking Matilda’s advice.

There’s absolutely no universe where Bellamy is going to see me walk up with a raccoon and think,Wow this guy’s a keeper.She’s more likely to hex me into the next dimension.

Still…she’s never once shown me any genuine affection. Maybe this is my shot.

Or maybe this is how I end up with rabies.

Nyx would definitely vote for the latter.

Shaking my head, I keep moving, boots crunching on the fallen leaves and pine needles, while the crow gossip network follows me overhead. I’m not saying the crow from earlier told them what he heard, but—

“Caw!There’s one over here!” one calls, voice full of the same tone someone might use to announce a clearance sale.

“Not your left, my left,” another says.

A third actually sounds exasperated. “Is he always this dense?”

My eye twitches. “I can hear you, you know.”

“Maybe Bellamy is better off staying away,” the first one adds, smug as anything.

That stops me dead in my tracks. “Okay, cut it out!” I bellow, pointing at them. “No more backseat wolfing. I amperfectlycapable of catching a…”

There’s a rustle in the underbrush.