Page 16 of Celestial Alphas (Nexus #2)
HOLLIS
I run my pen across the dotted line of the consent forms to release Rhodes early, even if he isn’t speaking to me. My shirt is stained with coffee, and I need to get changed now that he is awake. Gwen actually did the impossible. I wanted to kiss her, thank her, fall to my knees and beg her to never, ever look at me like she does, but I couldn’t. People like me don’t get what they want. They don’t fucking deserve it. I hand the clipboard back over the desk. The nurse, a middle-aged woman who is kinder than even my brother, frowns. “You do understand that he’s just woken up from a coma, and leaving is not advised so soon? We should run some tests, have the healers?—”
“I’m sorry, but he wants to leave with or without me signing these forms.” I flash her a smile. “I’m just taking the win that he has woken up at all.”
“Most do not wake up from those attacks. It’s a miracle that needs to be studied.” She puts the clipboard down and comes around the desk. “There’s trauma when Vian magic is taken from the soul. I’m not sure how he woke up, but he needs to be watched just in case he spills back into a coma or there are side effects for his Nexus.” She touches my hand. “Please consider asking him to stay a little longer. You’ve been here every day and every night, watching him at all times and having your girlfriend here when you couldn’t be. I know he is really loved by you, and it’s not fair for him to not take our warnings seriously.”
“I’ll speak to him. Thank you for all your help,” I gently lie. Rhodes wants to find Gwenieve, and nothing is going to stop him from getting to her and being at her side. He has been obsessed with her from the moment he met her, and I think he knew exactly what she was, and didn’t care.
“A word before you get your brother, darling.” Rochelle slides her hand down my arm, flashing a smile at the nurse, who frowns at her before leaving. Rochelle chose to wear a short red dress to a coma ward, and high heels that show off her bare legs. Her long blonde hair is down in perfect curls, and her makeup is expensive. I prefer women who don’t need to wear makeup and pretty clothes to look good. Rochelle looks innocent and sweet, but it’s an act. A fake, awful mask she puts on to hide how she really is on the inside: broken and empty. Nothing. Only it’s not an ask, it’s a demand. I give her a smile, a winning smile that doesn’t quite match my eyes. No smile of mine actually does anymore. I can’t remember the last time I smiled and actually wanted to fucking smile for any reason.
“Fine. I could do with some food first to stomach whatever you want, darling.” My voice rings with sarcasm.
“Sure.” She digs her nails into my arm and holds onto me like a snake biting its prey as I walk out with her. We’re silent on the way down, the kind of uncomfortable silence that makes me want to jump out of the nearest window, but I’ve felt that way around Rochelle since I met her. Rhodes could never understand us, and no one but us does, but sometimes I want to tell him. Recently, I’ve wanted to tell all my brothers what the fuck has been going on, but I can’t deal with how they would look at me if they knew. In the cafeteria, I pick an egg sandwich, sea salt crisps, and a coke drink before I sit down. Rochelle chooses water—who the fuck chooses water when all the better drinks are an option—before coming to sit opposite me. Her leg presses against mine, and my appetite sinks like a stone.
“You need to ask me to marry you in front of a lot of people, in a big public grand display, and make sure she’s watching as well. I’ve heard she is going to get free and go back to the academy.” I could also smile at that. Gwenieve fit in at the academy, and even if she hates me, I’d rather have her where I can see her every day and train her often. I’ll make her strong and powerful so no one thinks twice about fucking with what’s mine. Mine. My Nexus wants to claim her, bury ourselves inside her until there is just us, but we made a choice. We can’t be with her. But marrying this bitch?
That’s a fate worse than death. And too far. Too fucking far. “No. When’s it going to be enough?”
“Never,” she shouts at me. Her shout echoes around the empty place. Anger burns in her pretty face, revealing her true colours, ones she hides particularly well. Gwenieve looks fucking sexy when she is angry, but Rochelle? No. “Did you think this was going to be easy when she turned up and that I’d let you off the hook because you got your mate? I knew you’d find her eventually. It was just a matter of time because she isn’t dead. Mates always find a way to each other, and it’s shitty, but I knew it could happen. Our blood-bound deal doesn’t change. We have our agreement, and it stands. It doesn’t make any difference that she’s here.” She shrugs a shoulder. “Stay away from her. Your Nexus needs to understand what’s at play.”
“He understands that you’ve got us by the balls.” I slam my hand on the table. I fucked up everything. “Look, I know you fucking hate her. I hate her too, and?—”
“Liar,” she purrs. “I know you better than anyone, Hollis. You don’t hate her, and you don’t get a happy ending because my mate is dead, and that is your fault.”
I wince, sitting back in my seat. I see her mate every night in my nightmares, and I will until the day I die. He was my best friend, but he is gone now, and I can’t change it. I’ll pay for it for the rest of my life. Her mate’s dead. It’s completely and utterly my fucking fault. She doesn’t stop with the threats, even when the blood linking the deal between us is living under my skin, breathing down my neck. “If you ever, ever want to see Eli again, then you do as you’re told. Understood?”
I go still. “I know, but do not threaten me with Eli. Don’t say his name. Don’t fucking say a word more before I let my Nexus out and lose my shit.”
Her eyes flash with fear, and I regret that. She will make it worse for Gwen, and me, and everyone I care about. Her life exists to make mine not worth living now, and I created this monster. It’s a fucking joke that Gwen is called a monster when Rochelle exists. “I still don’t get why you want this. Fake kisses in front of her, hate behind doors. You could have something real with someone else and move on. Why do this? Don’t you get tired? Because I do.” I’m so fucking tired of pretending to hate my mate. Pretending she’s the worst thing in this world. When the truth is, she’s not. But I’m bound. Bound to all promises I made. Bound to all the mistakes I made. Bound to Rochelle. But I wish I still could tell Gwenieve everything. I wish I could take back the hate in her eyes now. She thinks I gave her up after she saved my brother. “You’ve already done enough. You already got her locked up. You reported her to the council for being here and made sure she was taken. Just…Rochelle. Haven’t you got enough revenge on me yet?”
“No.” She laughs. “You took my mate, and she…” Rochelle pauses. “She killed the only family I had and burnt what was left of them to a crisp. It took me a while to figure out it was her, but it was definitely her, whatever the fuck she is, and she’s going to suffer. You can suffer right along with her for what you did to me. Because if I don’t get a happy ending, you fucking certainly do not either.” She gets up and walks away. “Oh, and I’d like a really big ring. A really big fucking expensive wedding for everyone to see.” She pats my shoulder and makes my skin crawl before leaving, her heels clicking on the floor on her way. I rest back in my chair, wanting to run and scream and throw things, wanting to let my Nexus out, wanting to rip up everything to fucking shreds. But instead, I stay still, with a frown on my face I’ve perfected like a mask. I don’t even notice how many hours pass until Onyx sits down opposite me.
He looks fucking tired, his hair is messy, and his tie is hanging loose. The sun is setting in the window behind him. “Rhodes is looking for you everywhere. He was discharged hours ago. Have you been here all this time?”
“No,” I lie to him.
Onyx sees through some of the bullshit. “Why did you call her in?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask. “She is nothing to me.” Another fucking lie. Gwenieve doesn’t know how much we have in common. Onyx looks disappointed, but he doesn’t say anything. Sometimes I want to scream at him to ask the right questions, to see what is right in front of him, but I can’t. “What do you want?”
“Despite all the shit you keep pulling on our bond mating group, I need your help.”
“I’m really not good at helping anybody. Why did you come to me?” I wave a hand. “I just fucked up with Gwen, and Rhodes hates me.”
“It doesn’t matter. She would have got caught either way, and I only had to speed up my plan to free her.” I turn my head to the side. “I took the rite of freedom for her.” He pulls up his arm, revealing a band of five tattoo markings. One for each God. One trial he has to live through, destined by our Gods over a thousand years ago. Only one Nexus has survived the rite. It’s the only way to avoid a death sentence for crimes like murder, and he must have been allowed to take it for Gwen because they’re mates.
He basically just offered to kill himself for her. Painfully. Fuck. “You did what?”
We stare at each other, as he didn’t bother explaining himself. He’s fucking insane. “I took the rite because it’s her. It’s my mate. It’s Gwen, and I need you to make sure she doesn’t take that choice from me. We both know she is stubborn and thinks she is indestructible…but she isn’t. Maybe she can die and come back, but her heart? Her soul?” He shakes his head. “Her parents broke her, treated her like she is a monster, and fuck knows what else they did. She needs a chance to be normal, and we are going to give it to her. You’re going to make sure she doesn’t find out about the rite. I’ve locked down the academy, and no information about the city, or me, will get to her ears.”
“It will hit the news by tomorrow. She will find out,” I point out. “Someone will say something.”
“Yeah, but you have to follow her and lie and make sure she doesn’t know what it is.” He leans forward. “Finnegan and Alek have agreed to lie. Rhodes will if you tell him to. For her.” He clears his throat. “I know you hate her, but I will probably be killed soon. She will need you.”
I don’t hate her. That’s the secret. I never hated her…but I can’t tell anyone that. I have to keep this act up, and now I have to help Onyx keep his secret. I’m drowning in my own secrets as it is. What’s one more? “I’ll help you and train you to win the rite of freedom. You’re not dying.” I stand up. “I don’t want her to feel her mate die.”
He comes over and hugs me, but I don’t hug him back. I can’t. “I know. You’re not a good liar, Hollis. One day, if you don’t tell her how you feel, I will. You deserve happiness.”
No, I don’t.