Page 52 of Caught By the Chief of Staff

Chapter 16

Power doesn’t come cheap

“I’ll… uhh… just go see to that coffee,” I say as I stand up to scurry out of the room. The sound of masculine chuckles following behind me.

“She’s not used to so much talk of missions and political intrigue,” I hear Rick say quietly as I walk away.

“How much did you share with her when you were married?” Captain Black asks.

“Nothing.”

“Ouch,” he replies to Rick.

“I’m regretting that now.”

“She saved your life,” I hear him whisper just as I slip into the kitchen, but it’s Rick’s words that ring in my ears and play over and over in my head, and probably will for the rest of my life.

“I know.”

“Cara?” I look up when I hear Jules calling my name. “Honey, are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “They’re kind of scary out there.”

She gives me a knowing smile that I wonder more about. “I think with you they’re more bark than bite.”

“What about with you?” I ask and immediately wish I could call the words back into my mouth.

“What about me?” She laughs, but it doesn’t seem all too genuine. “I can run with the big boys. I don’t need to be cared for.”

Something about her words makes Grace stop her freezer raid of frozen pizzas and shoots Jules a weird look. I wonder what’s going on there. I look to Grace, and she shakes her head quickly before Jules can see our exchange.

“I came to help with… whatever it is that’s going on in here,” I say, making both women laugh. “What am I missing?”

“We were gossiping,” Grace admits.

“I don’t doubt it,” I add. “Why leave me out? That’s not fair!”

“We were talkingaboutyou,” she admits.

“Well, thanks for that.”

“It was all good,” Grace says quickly.

“It was brave what you did,” Jules adds softly. Her tone surprises me, making my eyes snap back to her. She really means that.

“Or stupid,” I admit what’s been bothering me the most. “I feel like I’ve done nothing but play into their hands. Whoever they are.”

I walk over to the coffeemaker; it’s an old Mr. Coffee, and the sight of it makes me smile. I needed this bit of real life in the midst of these powerful people and their fancy shit. I’m more of the blue-collar hanger-on they like for some reason, and I’m not even sure about that. It’s probably Rachel. Everyone loves her.

I feel a sob bubble up in my chest, and I choke it back while I pour water into the coffeemaker. This is so fucking unfair. I layer a paper filter into the bowl and scoop coffee grounds into it. Rachel loves to paint filters like this one with watercolors and make sun catchers. I have to grip the counter tight at the memory as it hits me like a fist to the belly. How could I have been so stupid? I knew they would make good on their threats, and I took one more night with Rick anyway. He’s my weakness, and he always has been.

But now it’s going to cost me my only child.

I don’t even think about what I’m doing as I grab the bag of coffee grounds, hurl them across the kitchen, and scream. I scream with everything I have, because this is all so unfair. I scream and scream, because there’s nothing else I can do.

“Jake!” I hear Grace shout, but I don’t care. I’m too lost in my grief.

I drop to my knees and slam my palms against the floor. The coffee grounds grate against my skin. She can’t be gone! I can’t live without her. I lay my forehead down on the old linoleum floor, and tears course down my face. Through it all, I keep screaming. My voice is harsh to my own ears; its rasp is painful to hear.