Page 9

CHAPTER 9

BAELEN

T he phrase “seeing red” had always been a literal thing for me. Blood threads appeared in my sight when I was angry and less disciplined. It had been years since I truly lost control, since I saw red, all the thin lines which pulsed like veins … but I saw them at that moment.

I lost control.

I hit my limit.

It became too much.

Seeing my fathers again since they kicked me out of their palace and learning of their impending deaths had been tempered by learning I had soul mates. Ones I could confide in.

Yet before I could come to know them or meet them in person, my body was invaded, violated by the shadow king, and forced to follow his bidding, I hurt Zaide and placed Clawdia in danger as her power was used to open the shadow portal once more.

I’d held my nerve throughout all the chaos, concentrated on the task at hand, and supported my mates as best I could.

And now this.

My fathers—I knew they were dying, but I hadn’t had the time to consider that effect on my mother. Nor on her curse.

Now my mate would betray me, lie, and manipulate me as I had been my entire life, as if I were a pawn in a game. The helplessness was too much to bear.

Am I to be forced to live the same hellish life of my fathers? Never to enact change, never to trust my beloved, never to find peace in my relationship with my parents?

Logically, I knew it wasn’t her fault, but it didn’t stop my fury. She understood me too well and was correct in assuming I’d be furious. I couldn’t help the anger that surged to the surface.

I growled. “You’ve been having visions because my mother is dying and passing her curse onto you.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

I could see she was frightened, and yet I couldn’t feel guilt for it. My akari instincts had taken over, my eyes sharpening into those of a predator, and with her quivering lip and tearful eyes, she looked weak. Like easy prey.

Zaide spoke, but my gaze didn’t shift from her. “How long have you known, Little Cat? About the visions?”

“Not until the day we returned to the office. Before, I believed it was all her. I didn’t know she was ill…” She cast me a cursory glance but quickly looked away. “I promise, I’ve told you at the first opportunity. When we aren’t in danger and we can … process.”

“Why are you the one getting her power? Why not Baelen?” Charlie asked.

I clenched my fists. “She is female. Fate is female.”

I didn’t want the power. I knew the curse it was, but yet again, I was being undercut by my soul mates for positions that rightfully should be mine. Savior of the titans was bestowed by my fathers upon Zaide, and now Clawdia would be Fate.

And I am their useless akari mate.

“Fate?” Charlie asked, confused.

Zaide’s eyes widened with understanding. “Your mother isn’t an akari seer. She’s Fate?”

“Like the creepy one-eyed ladies from Hercules? Controller of destinies, seer of all?” Charlie asked, but none of us understood the question.

“The Fates were three powerful female titans until my mother. Now Clawdia.”

Clawdia nodded, her lips twisted into a grimace. “I can’t do anything to stop it, and neither can she. She can’t help that she’s sick.”

“This transfer is complete when she dies?” Zaide asked.

“We don’t know for certain, but I’m being shown more and more things, and she less,” she said quietly. Silence descended upon us like a shroud, and Clawdia stirred her food into an unrecognizable mess, still not having a bite. “Baelen, please say something.”

“You look like you want to murder the chips. Express yourself like a grownup,” Charlie nudged me, and I growled at him. He pretended to shake and pulled a face. “Oh, scary vampire. Please don’t eat me.”

“I would sooner choke on this slop,” I sneered.

“Wow. He’s big mad.”

“Charlie.” Clawdia admonished softly. Turning to me, she licked her lips before asking, “Can you tell me how you are feeling?”

“I’m on the cusp of losing control, and I don’t want to say anything I might later come to regret.”

“I understand that, but I’d rather you say something rather than nothing.”

“Emotionally constipated,” Charlie coughed.

“I could pluck the blood from your veins in a heartbeat.”

“Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.”

“Baelen, did you think—? Had you realized?—?”

“That my mother was going to die along with my fathers? No. And while our relationship is strained, to say the least, I’m?—”

Zaide finished my sentence for me. “Understandably upset to hear about her death.”

“She wants to see you.” Clawdia said, “I can tell you where to find her. The portals are open. You can go straight there, and maybe she’ll be able to reassure you more than I can.”

I laughed. It was a cruel, loud, furious laugh that wiped the hope from her eyes. “Now she’ll see me? Now that she’s dying. So she can assure me that her curse will no longer haunt me as it has my entire existence. The very reason she left me, the very reason she remained hidden until now, the reason my fathers hated me was because of that curse. Her power. And now I must continue to live with it?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “She’s missed you as you’ve missed her. I know you are angry?—”

I hissed. “You seem to know everything now, Clawdia. Even my reaction to this conversation seems preordained. I’m to be confined to live or die by your words. You will keep your secrets, control us like your puppets, as you have already done, and then we will become so resentful and angry that we can barely stand to be in the same room. And our children will end up like me.”

And could there be a worse fate for a child to end up so bitter, so lonely and so desperate for connection, affection, and approval that, despite everything, they would continue to do a duty they would receive no thanks for?

Fearful faces of rescued titans flashed in my mind. Few were glad to see me stride across the training camp. Most froze as though I wouldn’t be able to see them if they didn’t move. Mumbled words of thanks didn’t make up for the fear.

“It’s not her fault. You know this,” Zaide said.

My gaze snapped to him, and I opened my mouth to sneer something equally sharp and cruel, but Clawdia interrupted softly.

“I understand this is triggering for you, but this situation is different. You were a child dealing with a mother who controlled you and who was controlled by her visions. She was doing what she thought best to get the best outcome. Often, it is only upon reflection of the past and the consequences of actions where one might realize their faults and flaws in this. Even seeing the future doesn’t mean a happy outcome, and she knows that more than any.”

“You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.”

“You aren’t a child anymore. I’m not your mother. Now you know, and I want to talk to you about the visions. I want your help in deciding the best course of action for us. I want your support because I don’t know what I’m doing, Baelen. Seeing things … It's scary.”

Zaide’s arm wrapped around her pulled her close to him. “We are here, Little Cat. We will support you in this.”

She blinked rapidly but didn’t move her gaze from mine. I said nothing.

I didn’t know if I could support her. Rage from the injustice and a sadness like grief battled for supremacy inside me. Grief at losing my parents, losing my easy budding relationship with my mates, losing trust in her, it was pure pain.

At that moment, I couldn’t express any of it, couldn’t do anything but stare, trembling with my jaw clenched.

“I can’t speak about this anymore.” I stood up and began walking out of the restaurant. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I needed to be away. Humans milled around but looked like nothing more than red laces, and my hands were on the cusp of growing claws.

“Baelen,” Zaide called as he caught up to me. “Where are you going?”

“Away,” I growled, accidentally flashing my fangs. He didn’t flinch.

“I will walk with you.” His long strides matched mine as I moved blindly through throngs of humans in a brightly lit space that made my eyes and head hurt.

“I don’t want you to. You are only going to calm me down and talk me into forgiving her.”

He responded calmly. “What is there to forgive? She’s been forced to accept your mother’s curse. She has no choice in this.”

I stopped to control myself as rage flared brightly like a strike of lightning. “You don’t understand.”

“I understand this is clearly trauma talking, and when you’ve had time to calm down, I think you’ll realize that this is all just a terrible circumstance of Fate. But we will get through it.”

“Fate,” I spat. “My mother is Fate. Clawdia is turning into Fate. The circumstance is them. They see and control the threads of the past, present, and future. If I’m angry at Fate, then I’m angry at them.”

Zaide grasped my arm and pulled me into a stairwell. “If they could control this, Clawdia would not have this power and neither of them would cause you suffering. Having such power doesn’t make them all-knowing or all-powerful. They can’t control this, and they can’t control the universe, as you seem to believe.

“They see the threads, they manipulate, but there are rules which are beyond them. You know this. Both of them love you, and if either of them could spare you pain, you know they would. You are wounded from your past, but once you’ve calmed?—”

“Calmed.” I seethed. “You have no right to tell me how to feel or what I understand. Leave me be.”

I tried to push him away but stumbled back against the cold stone wall of the stairwell. Zaide followed, his body pressing against mine, pinning me in place. The heat of him seeped through my clothes, a stark contrast to the chill at my back. Fury and fear controlled me. I fought him, but perhaps some part of me recognized that hurting him would kill us, so despite my blind rage, I didn’t fight hard.

He caught my wrists, slamming them against the wall above my head, and suddenly, that anger turned to lust.

“Stop.” And I did, because for the first time, he stared at me with fury in his purple eyes. “You are spiraling, and I won’t stand back and watch you ruin your relationships. We’ve gone through too much for you to run away now.”

“I’m not running,” I hissed.

All I wanted was space to think, to organize my thoughts so I could respond reasonably when they asked for my emotions instead of feeling as though I was speaking around sand in my mouth.

“No. You aren’t. Because I won’t let you.”

His breath ghosted across my face, warm and sweet, as he leaned in closer. The tension between us crackled like lightning, electric and dangerous. I could feel every point where our bodies touched—his hands gripping my wrists, his chest pressed against mine, his thighs trapping me against the wall.

In my encounters with others, male or female, I was the dominant one. Despite Zaide’s size and strength, I had assumed it would be the same for us. Clawdia had suggested I had a desire for control when she learned of my proclivities, and she knew me better than I knew myself because despite the thrum of lust underlying my the closeness of our bodies, I didn’t enjoy the confines.

After feeling so helpless, after opening a wound about being manipulated by everyone in my life, I didn’t want to feel restricted with my other mate.

“You think you can control me, too?” I growled, struggling against his hold, but Zaide was stronger. His fingers tightened around my wrists until I gasped. Then he released me, staying close to me as I took heaving breaths.

“So, this is about control,” he murmured, his hand traced soothing patterns on my arms as he spoke. His eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I’ve gone about this wrong.”

My heart thundered in my chest, a wild drumbeat of anger and desire. Confusion fogged my mind. I need…

“Take it back,” he whispered. “I understand now, and you can take it back.”

I didn’t understand. The strangeness of the situation had taken all the anger out of me, and I asked, bewildered, “Take what back?”

Zaide’s eyes locked with mine, intense and unwavering. “The control. It’s yours.”

Slowly, deliberately, he lifted my hands and placed them around his own wrists. The skin there was warm and soft, his pulse fluttering beneath my fingers like a caged bird. I could feel the strength in his arms, the coiled power just beneath the surface, yet he held himself perfectly still.

“You feel powerless,” he murmured, “trapped by fate and circumstance. So, take back what control you can. Here. Now. With me.”

The air between us seemed to shimmer, thick with unspoken possibilities. I tightened my grip on his wrists, feeling the bones shift beneath my palms. Zaide didn’t resist, didn’t pull away. He remained motionless, his breath long and controlled, but the black of his eyes dilated.

Fear or arousal?

He willingly submitted to my grasp, giving me what I needed despite his nervousness with an akari male. Yet he, like Clawdia, gave their all to love. It was a heady sensation, one that sent a thrill down my spine.

In a flash, I had him pinned against the wall, pushing his palms flat against it as my gaze narrowed in on my prey and lust clouded everything.

I leaned in closer, placing my hands on either side of his head, my lips hovering over his. “You don’t know what you’ve just asked for,” I whispered.

“If it soothes your pain, I’m willing to do anything.”

This male. This titan. My soul mate. So self-sacrificing but exactly what I needed.

Without breaking eye contact, he slowly leaned forward until our lips met. The kiss was gentle at first, a tentative exploration of each other’s mouths. But soon it deepened into something more passionate. My fangs grazed his lip, and blood bloomed in my mouth.

We groaned in unison, and as my cock hardened and my hips twitched, I knew staying here was not an option.

Without opening my eyes, without informing Zaide, I channeled my power into the wall, opening a glowing blue portal that quickly swallowed us up and deposited us at the bottom of Charlie’s bed.

Zaide, without a wall to steady him, fell backward, his eyes widened with alarm until he hit the softness of the bedding and realized where we were.

He could have stopped us. There was a moment when he looked at me and I him, and we both knew we could end whatever we started. But Zaide surged up, his hand curving around my neck and head as he pulled me toward him. The purple glowing scars on his body seemed to pulse with the blood in my cock.

I slid my hands down Zaide’s body until I reached for the hem of his shirt, and ripped it off, revealing his golden muscles tense with anticipation but rippling under my touch and glowing scars that made shadows dance across his skin.

I wanted to explore every inch of him, to trace every line, to know every part of him. To own him. And he’d given me permission to take control.

I pulled back from the kiss, my lips swollen and tingling. Zaide’s eyes were dark as he looked up at me, his gaze following my tongue as I licked my lips.

“Do you want this?” I asked, my voice low and husky.

“Yes,” he breathed, leaning in to capture my lips once more while he tugged at my shirt. I helped him pull it over my head between gasping and urgent kisses.

“Then you obey me,” I whispered against his lips before trailing kisses down his jawline and neck.

Our hands roamed over each other’s bodies, stoking our lusts even higher. His rough palms touched me unlike any male I’d been with before. They were larger and textured with scars. Akari males valued their beauty, and scars like Zaide’s wouldn’t be borne. Yet they hypnotized me. Each line mapped his strength, gave glimpses of his hard battle for freedom, and invited me to follow them to hidden places.

When he ground his hips against mine, the bolt of desire was enough to make me dizzy. I moaned. I knew from Charlie’s teasing that Zaide was proportional in size, but I wasn’t afraid. No. It made me hungry in a way blood couldn’t satiate. The feel of his cock, long and thick, pressing desperately against his trousers made me shudder with need.

His hesitant touches sent shivers down my spine, and I arched into him, craving more of him against me. But Zaide kept moving lower until he reached the waistband of my bottoms.

He hooked his fingers under the fabric and pulled them down just enough for my cock to spring free. He wrapped his hand around it without hesitation, and I groaned as his warm and tight fist began pumping me.

“Is this the first cock you’re touching other than your own?” I asked huskily as I unbuttoned him.

“Other than my own, it will be the only cock I touch,” he replied, his voice strained with desire.

I shuddered at his words, feeling an intense rush of possessiveness.

Good answer.

But I didn’t want his touch as much as I wanted to own him, to establish control, to assert dominance. He was mine. No twist of fate nor shadow possession would take him from me. It was time to cement our bond, to be soul mates in every way. I just hoped the first thing I felt from my new bond wasn’t regret.