Page 20

CHAPTER 20

BAELEN

Z aide went for a run. He didn’t want me to join him and told me he would check in, so I knew he was safe, but I knew the real reason for denying me his company. He wanted to get away before he said or did something he’d regret. I saw his looks of disappointment and anger as he tied his shoes, then slammed the door behind him.

After breakfast, Charlie left to continue helping the team and his birth mother. He’d refused my help also and pinned me to the sofa with a pointed look. “Fix it,” was all he commanded, and I knew exactly what he meant.

I didn’t react well to her dream or vision. I knew that. I was ready to explain. Apologize. My anger had turned to sadness, and I simply wanted to make this situation better. Especially if her vision would come true and we’d find ourselves in mortal danger yet again.

I didn’t want either of us to pass into the next life with regret and anger in our hearts. It shouldn’t have taken the thought of losing her for me to acknowledge that the silence I gave her was cruel and unnecessary.

I’m an idiotic male.

My head was in my hands when she eventually left the guest room an hour later, carrying empty bowls. She creeped downstairs and paused when she saw me waiting for her on the sofa but said nothing before walking into the kitchen. I followed her as she placed the bowls in the sink and ran the water.

“I shouldn’t have shouted at you this morning. I’m sorry,” she said before I could even open my mouth.

“Pardon?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated so easily I shook my head. It amazed me how she could say everything that felt so difficult for me. She continued, “I’m just having a hard time with the visions and with you, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have.”

“Sunlight, I’ve been angry—” I started.

But she cut in. “I know, but I hate this coldness between us. I hate that you’ve barely looked at me or spoken to me. I don’t know how to fix this.” She turned, taking her hands out of the sink, her eyes glossy with tears that ripped at my heart. “Please, can we try to fix this? I don’t think you should stop being angry, but I would rather feel your anger than your indifference.”

I shook my head, confused how my apology was turning out so wrong. Yet instead of assuring her I wasn’t angry, I blundered and said, “I’m not indifferent. I’ve been trying to work through things.”

“Can you work through things while talking to me?”

I sighed. It wasn’t an unreasonable ask, just difficult. “You want me to voice all that hurts me, but I’m not that way. I can’t … say the words. I just…”

She licked her lips and touched my arm. Then, even without our bond giving her clues about my emotions, she spoke them for me.

“You are angry because you are afraid. You are afraid my visions are going to cause the same disconnect that your mother and fathers had in their relationship and ultimately ruin it. You are afraid of losing me, but I promise you, here and now, you’ll never lose me unless I’m coming with you to our next life.”

I froze, breathing shallowly, my eyes wide as she stepped closer to me with the caution you’d give a wild animal. She moved her hand from my arm to my chest, over my heart.

“I swear, I will tell you about visions I can share, and once all this is over, I’m sure the visions will calm down because we won’t be in danger forever.” Her smile quivered, and she lowered her gaze.

“However, the visions I can’t tell you about, the ones where I try to move you into the right place at the right time ... I know those will be more difficult for you to deal with because I’m deciding on your behalf. I’m taking away your choice, your will, and that makes you feel out of control and powerless.”

There was a question in her gaze, but there needn’t have been. She was reading me like a book and pulling me apart like tugging at threads from a tapestry. I hated it … but I needed it. There was something cathartic about listening to my suffering spelled out in emotions I couldn’t voice.

Swallowing, I nodded, and she continued, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you, however long or short that might be. I am going to know you like I know myself, and I’m going to use that information to work out what would be best for you and us, what outcome you would prefer, what would make you happiest. Trust my love for you, trust my knowledge of you, and trust that my heart would never want to hurt you. If you can do that, then you’ll be able to move past this.”

I thought I was past it, but I was wrong, and talking about her visions and their effect on me brought up the same emotions, the same fears, that lingered from my childhood.

I tried to explain my frustrations. “I know you would never intentionally hurt me, but visions … more than the visions. The duty and responsibility of being Fate, of balancing the realms, saving the titans … sometimes that will mean that we and our family are not your priority. It will mean you have to let things happen to us to shape us for our duty and…”

She swallowed thickly and nodded, looking away. “I know, and I hate that. I hate that you’ve already gone through that with your mother, and I’m scared for our children, who might have to deal with that in the same way. I know they’ll be angry when I can't help them, resentful of the power, and hurt that I chose their duty over their emotions.”

She closed her eyes briefly. “That will be a fight I have with them one day. But we are having this conversation now. Do you think you won’t be able to forgive my doing that to us and them? Can you understand the need for it?”

I rubbed my head. “I understand the need for it. I just know it’s going to be hard for us all, and although it wasn’t your fault you’ve been given this curse, I’m resentful of it. I want us to be equals, and I want you to lean on me, but with this power, you have all the control.”

“I know, but I feel just as powerless. I can’t control this power. I can’t control how you feel about it. I can’t stop Fafnir from killing us. I can only watch.” She bit her lip and clenched her fist over my heart. “I’ll learn to control my power and stop him anyway that I can. But you need to know that control isn’t permanent. It leans and bends when it weakens or strengthens with circumstance. With my visions, I might have more control over certain futures, but you will have control in other areas of our life together, and when I’m weak or losing control, I want you to support me.”

While I’d originally intended to apologize for my anger and my lack of support that morning, I didn’t intend to discuss my emotions or explain myself in any detail. I’d hoped my apology would fix the distance between us and that things would continue as they were.

I didn’t realize it wouldn’t be enough until I listened to the way Clawdia explained herself, empathized with me, apologized, and reframed my thoughts until I could no longer see a reason for my anger.

She didn’t want us to brush the matter aside until the emotions and problems arose again. She was pushing me through them, healing me in a way I didn’t know I needed.

It was only fair she received the same treatment.

“I want to support you, too. I will. From now until forever. I’m sorry I haven’t been acting like a mate you can rely on. I didn’t mean to make you doubt yourself or our relationship. You are the light of my life, and I don’t want to be without you.”

Her eyes widened as she took a breath that seemed to make her grow. “Really?”

“Of course.”

I was heartbroken she'd ever thought otherwise, and I made a promise to myself to be worthy of her and Zaide, to express myself better and not resort to shutting them out when I was overwhelmed or angry.

“I love you, Sunlight.” I stroked her cheek, cupping her face and brushing the soft skin with my thumb. I stared into her glassy violet eyes. “You knew how I felt, voiced it, and worked through it all with me, and I can only love you more for understanding me so well and giving me what I need. I’m only sorry I didn’t do the same for you.” Her eyes searched mine. “Do you doubt me?”

A crease between her brows appeared, and she grimaced. “How am I supposed to interpret anything when you keep our bond closed?”

I really am a fool.

The wall of ice that I’d placed around the bond when I wanted to push her away melted at my command. Like a steady drip, her hurt, fear, love, and understanding passed through the bond, and if I hadn’t already realized how unfair and unkind I’d been to her, this would have done it.

She was carrying the most important power in the realms. She was trying to protect us all and keep her own emotions tightly locked up, and yet I’d pushed her away, made her doubt herself, made her weaker and more frightened.

I pulled her into my arms, my heart rejoicing at the familiar warmth of her body pressed against mine, and breathed in her scent like a starved man.

“I’m a fool for shutting you out. Our bond allows us to feel each other in this way so we can see each other at our most vulnerable even when we don’t want to be seen, so we understand each other without words.” I pulled back so I could look at her face. “You already do that for me without the bond, but I haven’t been doing the same. I’m going to change that. I’m going to change a lot.”

“I don’t want you to change.” She frowned and reached up the iron out the crease between my brows. “I love you, Baelen. You’re my soul mate, you’re strong and brave and dutiful. You’re intentional to the point of overthinking, and sometimes emotions paralyze you … but I still wouldn’t want you to change. I just want you to hear me, push past the fear, and be with me even when it’s hard.”

“I hear you. I will be with you until our dying day, and I’ll fight to myself and any other adversary who tries to stop that. I swear it to you.”

“Fighting yourself might be difficult.” She smiled impishly, and the sight set me alight. “You can dodge your fists.”

“Fighting myself is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it will continue to be a challenge … but it is the most rewarding, because maybe then I’ll be worthy of you.” With the small gasp she made, I knew she went to argue, but I pressed my thumb gently over her lips and smiled in the same playful way she did. “And if I dodge my fists, Zaide and Charlie will have no qualms offering me help in that regard.”

A giggle escaped her, and the sound warmed my heart.

“Then you forgive me?” she asked quietly, palming my chest.

“Nothing to forgive. I was entirely wrong for treating you like that, for not being there for you when you needed me. I will make it up to you.”

“You will? How?” She wriggled in my arms in a way that suggested she already knew how, and although it wasn’t my initial idea—that involved a custom ring and the head of Fafnir gift wrapped— it was a good start.

“I can think of a few ways,” I said as I bent to kiss her jaw.

“Oh?” she asked breathily as she tipped her neck so I could brush my mouth all over her soft skin.

The ease with which she submitted to me, offered me her neck and blood, had always been a source of amazement and awe. She gave. Her caring, healing nature was the opposite of how I took control and hoarded power, but it was time I changed that.

She shivered and gasped as I ran my fangs over her collarbone and kissed the base of her neck. The smell of her arousal reached me, my mouth watered, and a growl built in the back of my throat.

“I’ll get on my knees for you, Sunlight,” I whispered. “Would you like that?”

“You—you don’t need to do that,” she stammered as I spun her around, placed her against the table edge, and stripped her shirt, baring her pink nipples and pale skin.

She gasped and shivered as I cupped her breasts, played with her peaks, and pressed kisses to her stomach as I sank to my knees in front of her.

“You’ve owned me from the moment I tasted your blood. I might have needed it to control you, but somehow, you’ve turned the shackle so I’m your slave. I need to stop looking for control when it is already yours.”

She stroked my hair and, despite breathing hard, replied steadily, “I don’t want to lead, Baelen. I don’t want to own you or control you. I want you to worship me, trust me, love me because you want to, not because you feel you have to.”

“I want to.” I kissed the inside of her trousered leg, and our bond flooded with arousal and love, so much that my cock ached, as did my teeth. “My love and desire for you are entirely my own.”

“I know. I can feel it in our bond,” she whispered. “Now take off my bottoms and show me.”

The command struck me like lightning, and I growled, my fangs descending as I pulled the material off her legs. Her deliciously wet pink pussy greeted me as I spread her legs, and her scent pulled me further into my beastly lust.

I petted her gently, my fingers gliding over the slippery folds of her sex, and reflexively, her legs tried to close around me as she moaned. But I held them open, held her bare to me, and shuddering, she lay back on the table like the delicious meal she was.

Perfect submissive snack.

I licked her thigh, my hunger overtaking me. “Can I bite you?”

“When have I ever said no?” she replied and sucked her teeth as I teased her clit with a gentle, rhythmic tap on each side.

“This isn’t about me. I’m making up for my poor behavior,” I reminded her.

“You’re giving me pleasure,” she whined. “It’s not about you. Even if you get fed. I’ve missed your bite.”

Who was I to say no?

I sank my teeth into her thigh, and her blood met my tongue, bringing me the taste of sunlight and lighting up my insides. We moaned, and I dipped my finger into her core as I took my fill of her blood. I didn’t want much, just a taste, and after only a few moments, I licked the wound and turned my attention to her center.

My fingers plunged deep, and her wetness dripped down my hand. I licked it until my tongue covered her core, then flicked her clit.

The taste of her pleasure mixed with her blood in my mouth, and the flavor made my eyes roll back. I gripped her thighs and dug in with gusto, licking and sucking on her clit, pulling whimpers and cries that made my blood boil and my cock so hard I couldn’t think straight.

I didn’t need to think. Being hers, loving her, was the easiest thing in the world. She made it so. Responsive and wild when she let go, she was everything I’d ever wanted in a partner, and yet I was luckier still, because she had a soul pair, so I had Zaide as well.

She writhed on the table, her moans echoing around the room, and cupped her breasts. I growled at the sight she made, and when her pussy clamped down on my fingers, I twisted them, stroking against the textured spot inside her and adding another finger so smoothly she choked.

She was close. Our bond made sure I knew it. Her pleasure compounded with my own and pushed me to the brink of my control.

“Baelen!” she cried out, and my cock jumped and throbbed painfully at the lustful sound of her voice.

Her knees started shaking. She was panting, crying, vibrating, and when she screamed her pleasure only moments later, I followed her into oblivion, shuddering with my release.

Breathing heavily but knowing how much she needed touch after her release, I stood and pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her legs and arms around me, and her breathing was uneven as she nuzzled into my chest.

I gently stroked her back until her arms loosened, and she raised her head to meet my eyes. “I’m so glad you aren’t angry with me anymore.”

“Never truly with you,” I promised and kissed her passionately, thoroughly, until my cock was straining for her once more and she ground against my legs.

We stopped, both of us panting, and Clawdia’s eyes widened with panic as the door swung open.

“Clawdia, Elizabeth is asking for you…”