Page 8

CALY

Tell me again what it’s like,” I said softly into Mendax’s chest. He was pretending to be asleep as he did almost every night when I went to bed.

Though he enjoyed lying with me, I wasn’t foolish.

I knew it was simply easier to guard us this way.

He never actually slept. With my words, his palms splayed across my hips and pulled my lower half on top of his lap.

“Let me show you instead, pet.”

His deep voice rolled into my ear as he pressed his hardness against my body with just enough pressure to make my eyes flutter when I tried to laugh.

Laughter never came very easily to me, but lately it had felt impossible.

I wondered if I’d ever truly laugh again sometimes.

I rolled off him, sitting up to look at his beautiful face.

“That’s not what I meant.” I felt the pressure forming behind my eyes.

Today was going to be another hard day, I could already tell.

I held Mendax’s gaze as we silently spoke to one another, all humor evaporating. I should never laugh again.

Everything felt awful but especially laughing—something that reminded me so clearly of Eli.

Mendax let out a frustrated breath and rose from our bed.

“Tartarus is not as bad as you think. Eromreven is luxurious and clean for the most part. It is a vast and sprawling realm, just as this one is. Kaohs is fair and firm. His children help him with the souls. Eli will like it,” he mumbled, obviously tired of answering the same question every day.

I glared at him.

“What? As long as he can relax his goody-two-shoes ass and not get thrown in the tiers, or lose all of his memento, he will be fine. Eromreven is fun and exhilarating.”

“It’s fun for you because you’re Unseelie, but what about the Seelies that end up there? Can you please try to talk to Kaohs again?” I pleaded as I felt the familiar waves of nausea pull at my stomach, causing it to clench. I punched an empty spot on the bed and covered my mouth with my fist.

With a grunt, the King of Seelie rose and walked out of our bedroom and into the large bathroom, returning with a small black wastebasket.

“He’s gone, Caly. There is nothing you or I can do to bring him back.

This is his fate. Kaohs has enough on his plate trying to retire and can hardly handle that anymore.

I’m not going to continue to bother him.

He’s still a god, and though we have been friendly, it’s mostly through extenuating circumstances.

” He handed me the waste bin and sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

“I am trying to be patient, but I grow tired of hearing you whine and moan about another man. It’s been months. ”

“It’s been two.” I moved to the edge of the bed and squeezed the bin between my thighs.

A moan bubbled up and out of my throat at his words.

I knew it wasn’t what he meant, but I couldn’t help myself.

“You really should let me kill you now and save you the misery of the next several years then,” I laughed, gripping the bucket harder when the laugh churned in my gut like a hurricane.

Mendax caught my meaning and softened immediately, kneeling in front of me with a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re so sure it’s a she?” His warm hand gently covered my slightly swollen belly.

I smiled, feeling things that always seemed to catch me off guard.

Feelings of pure joy and gratitude swarmed me like a thousand buzzing hornets.

Eli had given me the chance to feel these things and I would never ever forget it, even though it felt so miserably wrong to enjoy anything when he was gone.

“Yes, it’s a she. I’m sure of it. I can feel her—she-ness inside of me.

” I projectile vomited in the bucket, missing my husband only by a few inches.

Thankfully he was as fast at taking care of me as he was at fighting me and was already in the bathing room, grabbing a cool rag before I’d finished.

We were having a baby.

I thought it happened in the cave along our journey to Moirai.

Mendax thought he did it on the night of our wedding, when we took back the Unseelie castle and took possession of the Seelie castle all in the same day.

He’s probably right, but I liked to think that I got pregnant when Aurelius was still around.

It made me feel slightly better to think that my best friend at least got to share in a tiny bit of this terrifying journey with me, even if neither one of us knew at the time.

Never in a million years did I ever want to be a mother— nothing against my own mother, though she had obviously kept her fair share of secrets.

I can’t imagine doing all this without my best friend by my side.

I had to believe I was a more relaxed person now, knowing that Eli would help Adrianna get the rest of her powers and get to Moirai safely.

I wondered what she thought of our father, of the Fates.

Gratitude filled me until the scars of my heart stretched.

I wished more than anything I could have heard how it all went.

I vomited a few more times while trying to get myself dressed and ready for the day.

Mendax, as always, offered to help, but we always ended up back in bed when that happened, so I declined and finished alone.

This child was sapping all of my energy, and it was only a few months in.

I’d never felt weaker in my life—all I did was cry, puke, and sleep.

And I knew deep down what no one wanted to tell me—I was going to be the worst mother in the world.

I was only just now learning how to live life like a normal person.

It was proving to be extremely hard, considering I’d never planned on staying alive this long.

Deep down, I knew I would ruin this child and Mendax would grow to hate me because of it. He was going to be an amazing father.

I decided to try and eat some food first. Mendax had taken over a nearby manor and converted it into a library and lab for me.

With my new title as Queen of Seelie, I had thrown my weight around a bit to get a staff to help me with my research.

I’ll admit that it had quickly gotten a bit out of hand, but when the most renowned wizards and witches from around the realms heard what I was doing and offered their services, I was thrilled to accept.

We now had a full team working to figure out some of magic’s most interesting conundrums. We had even discovered a cure for the stunted magic in some of the Fallen Fae.

I personally had been occupying my time recently with learning about what a half Smoke Slayer, half SunTamer child may be exposed to as far as health concerns or magic went.

There wasn’t much to find, but that only made me want the information more.

I moved down the flight of stairs to the kitchen to make my own oatmeal.

It was easier this way. Since finding out I was pregnant, Mendax had taken being overprotective to a new level and would not allow the staff within ten feet of me.

It’s sweet now, but I had a feeling if these hormones didn’t settle down, I would actually light him on fire with my new abilities if he didn’t ease up.

I snorted to myself knowing he wouldn’t even fight me back if I did ignite him into a ball of fire.

He was going to be the best father in the whole entire world, albeit a bit of a nuisance to the child no doubt.

A damned smile creased my face at the thought of Mendax doting on our baby and I felt it all the way down to my toes—No.

Shit, that’s vomit. I turned on the stairs and ran back up to our bathroom.

Once finished, I washed my mouth out at the sink and moved to open a silk-lined drawer, brushing away a dappled brown Calyptra thalictri.

They were the baby’s chosen symbol and it was how we ended up finding out I was pregnant.

It was only slightly alarming that their common term was the vampire moth.

I didn’t really want to think about that yet.

After opening the drawer, I removed its contents and placed the Seelie crown on my head.

With a last glance in the mirror to make sure I got all of the vomit from my face, I left the bedroom and began my day as Queen of Seelie.