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Chapter Sixteen

Wade

I’m groggy. It’s like someone filled my head with oatmeal and I can’t seem to dig my way out.

The musty cabin. The scratchy cover. Chirping birds instead of blaring sirens.

I’m at camp.

Why does my body ache? I feel empty….no, not exactly. That void is filled with sadness and pain.

Then, the day before comes back to me. River. Canyon, angry and hurt. Exhaustion pulls at me, and I sleep fitfully, tortured by dreams of Canyon.

At times, he yells at me and tells me he never wants to see me again.

My heart breaks all over again. But this last dream is different.

Canyon kissing me and whispering sweet words as I press my nose against his neck.

Breathing him in. I feel safe and cared for.

Everything I’ve ever wanted. I feel…happy. Complete.

Waking from this dream is harder. The loss hits me all over again. But it’s also familiar. Having your life upended. Everything ripped away in one go.

That day comes back as if it just happened.

“I’m so sorry, boys,” Uncle Frank says, his voice raw from crying as he pulls Ander and me into his arms. “Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you.”

But he didn’t. Couldn’t.

The thoughts are automatic, and I push them aside, remembering instead the pain in his eyes.

At nine, I could barely process anything but my own grief and a need to protect Ander.

Now I can see what I missed back then. Uncle Frank lost his brother, and it broke him.

Less than a year later, he found Meredith and married her.

Was that because he was hurting or because he knew he was sick and wanted a caregiver for us?

Not that it matters anymore. I wipe my eyes. The anger at my uncle I’ve carried around for years evaporates.

No. It’s still there, but now it’s aimed right where it should be. Meredith. She took advantage of a broken man for her own gain.

I blink away the past. I need to focus on the now. Figuring things out with Canyon.

The room is quiet as I slip out of bed and stretch my back. I sneak a look at Canyon, expecting him to still be sleeping, but the bed is empty.

My stomach drops. Did he leave?

Was this how he felt the other day? Like the world is ending?

Christ. What is wrong with me? Ander is usually the dramatic one.

He’s probably at the lake. The tightness in my chest eases a bit. He promised to help Carol fish.

As I get ready for the day, I wonder how Canyon is doing. He didn’t seem as angry after I told him about Tim. More resolved. His conclusions aren’t wrong. And that’s what hurts the most.

There’s no sign of Jared or Ander in the main area of the cabin.

They’re probably still asleep. It’s early and the sound machine didn’t turn off until late.

Did they have that on last night so they wouldn’t hear us?

Or to mask what they were doing? I push those thoughts away. I have enough to worry about.

My body feels heavy as I retrace the steps Canyon and I took each morning as we traveled from the cabin to the dining hall.

The sky is awash with color. Reds and oranges and yellows as the sun peeks over the lake.

Birds sing, promising a beautiful day, but I don’t believe them.

A squirrel scampers by and stops at the base of an oak tree.

He stands perfectly still, his beady eyes on me, mocking me as he plans my demise.

I stumble and catch myself and then dart a glance at the squirrel.

He’s gone, and it’s not comforting at all.

The lake is still as if waiting for the day to begin.

Click. Whiz. Plop.

Carol. She pulls the line tight and sits in a blue camping chair, holding her fishing pole in her hands.

I step through the grass, avoiding the muddy spots as I search for Canyon.

No sign of him. Shit. I slip—the grass is wet with morning dew—and barely catch myself before finally reaching her fishing spot.

“Are the fish biting?” I’m not sure what else to ask. I hold back my burning questions about Canyon. Her gaze doesn’t waver as she stares at the bobber gently floating on the water.

“Eh,” she says, waving a hand from side to side in a so-so gesture. She holds the pole with both hands again and ignores me.

“I see Canyon got you all set up.”

She looks at me. Her eyes narrow as if she’s trying to figure me out. “No. River got me set up.”

“Oh. Okay.” I nod. Not sure why I’m disappointed.

Carol’s focus is completely on me now. Yelling at her to watch her fishing line instead wouldn’t be helpful. “But he was here.”

“River?” Which makes no sense because she already said that.

“No. I mean, yes, River was here. But I meant Canyon. He tried to help me, but then he freaked out and River showed up.”

Was he upset because of me? Her eyes are still on me. As beady as that squirrel. I watch the water instead. It doesn’t judge— Oh God. It’s the water. Didn’t his parents drown?

“I like Canyon.”

My gaze returns to Carol, and I blink at her words. “I’m…glad.”

She huffs. “I’m saying don’t mess this up, boss.”

My heart pounds so loud I can’t think. “What?”

“I like River too. But Canyon’s a little nicer.” Her gaze darts to the bobber, still gently moving, and back to me. “Can we keep them both?”

I sag in relief. She’s talking about work, not Canyon and me. Thank God.

“Unless there’s a reason he might not want to work for you. He seemed upset this morning.”

“Did he?” I try to keep the frustration and worry off my face.

“All I’m saying is, if you did something, you need to fix it.”

“Oh hey!” I point to her bobber, now dipping wildly up and down in the water.

“No, no, no,” Carol says as she jumps to her feet and yanks her pole back, reeling furiously and then yanking again, keeping the line tight.

She reels in a small fish and holds it up.

Canyon would know what kind. I just know what it isn’t.

Not a catfish. Maybe a bass? Or a bluegill?

It doesn’t matter because Carol’s face is lit up with excitement. “Can you take a picture?”

“Sure.” Using my phone, I take a picture of a happy Carol and her small fish.

“Look,” she says, practically bouncing as she stares at something—someone—behind me. Canyon?

“That’s amazing. You caught a bluegill.” River bounds past me to help take the fish off the hook, and Carol tosses him back into the lake.

Now would be the best time to leave…but…what if River knows where Canyon is?

I wait as he helps Carol bait her hook and get settled.

“Hey, boss. Gonna do some fishing?”

“No.” I laugh, but it sounds weak. “I, um…was wondering if you’ve seen Canyon?” I keep my voice low so Carol doesn’t hear.

He wipes his hands on a cloth and stuffs it in his back pocket. “He left about an hour ago.”

“Left? Is he…?” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat and take a shaky breath. “Is he coming back?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Dunno.” But his eyes are hard, daring me to start something, and I know he’s not telling me everything. “He didn’t say.”

“This is all my fault,” I say in a low voice.

“Pretty much.”

I don’t yell and scream at him. What’s the point? “Thanks.” I nod, but my smile is weak as I try to hold in my pain. I can’t break down in front of River.

I’m almost to the dining hall when I veer off the path. I find a tree…our tree and lean against it, my head back as I let the emotions wash over me.

Canyon spread against the tree as I touch him. Kiss him. His gasp when I fall to my knees and swallow his cock. Kissing afterward with Canyon trembling in my arms as I take care of him.

I wipe the tears off my face. I hate these memories. They remind me of what I lost. But I also want to treasure them forever.

My employees need leadership, so I mentally put the memories away. You’re the CEO of Darian Enterprises. Act like it.

As soon as I reach the dining hall, I go to the restroom and splash water on my face. My eyes are a little bloodshot. No surprise. Otherwise, I look fine. Or as good as I can get right now.

I hold my head up, force a smile to my face, and enter the dining room prepared to greet any early-rising employees. Instead, I come face-to-face with Meredith.

“Good morning, Wade, darling.” She gives me an air kiss, but all I can do is stare at her, my heart pounding like a caged animal struggling to get free.

“Meredith. Why are you here?” Oh God. River’s words come back to me now. Meredith set all this in motion.

She pats her perfectly coifed blonde hair. “I’m still part of this company. Why wouldn’t I be here?” A brow raises as she turns, glancing around the empty dining hall and dismissing any answer I might have given. “Where is everyone?”

My stomach joins my heart, trying to revolt against me. “Breakfast is at nine. It’s only eight.”

“Allowing them to sleep in? An interesting choice since the workday normally starts at eight—establishing and maintaining routines is important. Unless…chaos was your goal?” Her brows rise knowingly. Steph was right. Someone has been leaking information to Meredith.

“No. I’m not—I just—” All the progress I’ve made over the years unravels. I’m suddenly ten years old again, unable to do anything right.

“Problem, Wade?” Her eyes flick down so quickly it’s almost unnoticeable.

My thumb is pressed into my palm so hard my hand tingles. Fuck. I drop my hands, not shaking them out. I’m not giving her the satisfaction as I swallow my grief and face her. Her eyes are hard, so unlike my uncle’s.

“I miss them too,” Uncle Frank says with a sad smile. His eyes are fond as he kisses my forehead.

I nod and sniff to hold back the tears. I’m almost too old to be tucked in, but it helps keep the nightmares away.

He squeezes my arm. “It’s okay to be sad, Wade. And even a little angry.”

“It is?”

“Of course.” He tucks the cover in around me. “I try to keep it together for you boys, but honestly, I’ve cried every day for the last three months. I’m not sure how I have any tears left.”