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Chapter Fifteen

Canyon

I try to focus on why I’m here. The retreat. But everything reminds me of this thing with Wade. The trail we walked every morning. The tree we made out behind. It doesn’t help he always seems to be right there watching me. I need time to think.

My body feels heavy. My stomach feels wrong. Off. Like all my feelings got twisted and stretched and then discarded. Shoved into a useless pile.

Ander has been wonderful. He’s there if I need him, but he also gives me space. He doesn’t try to plead his brother’s case even though I think he wants to.

My own brother has been weird. Angry one minute. Protective the next. I’m glad he’s safe, but his being here has brought nothing but pain.

It’s not his fault. I’m not sure it’s anyone’s fault.

Whatever happened with Wade and that other employee was before me.

And technically, it shouldn’t matter. But I thought…

Wade had broken his rules because of me.

Because I’m special. And I’m not. He’s broken this rule before.

How many times? Is this who he is? I don’t believe that, but I also don’t trust myself anymore.

And no matter what he tells me from now on, I’ll have trouble believing him.

No matter what the truth is. He lied to me.

The obvious one was when he told me he was straight.

But we barely knew each other then. The lie about Tim was a lie of omission.

He said he couldn’t tell me. NDA? Probably. Still, he could’ve said something .

My mind goes round and round. But I always knew this was temporary. And now it’s over sooner than I expected. Wade and I live in different worlds.

Yet there is still something between us.

After dinner, we gather around the campfire. A few people grumble, but River doesn’t have to push too hard to get them to join, which shouldn’t irritate me. They’ve worked with him for years. I’m the outsider.

“Are you sure alcohol is a good idea?” Jared asks, glaring at Al and Owen.

River laughs. “We’re all adults.”

“Just don’t try to kill your coworkers,” I add, “and we should be fine.”

He starts to respond when Lydia interrupts. “Are we playing or not?” Lydia asks.

“Yes.” River smiles, and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. “ Truth or Dare .”

“No,” Jared says in a firm voice before I have a chance to object. “Absolutely not.”

“Chicken?” Ander raises a brow.

“No. I just don’t want the company to get sued. Again.”

Is that what Alex was talking about? I’m curious, but no one is saying anything more. Okay then.

“Pick another game.” Jared sits back in his chair. He’s the only one not eating s’mores. Or drinking. Even Sheila’s drinking a beer.

I mention this to Ander, and he chuckles. “Sheila believes in a healthy lifestyle except when it comes to drinking.”

“Fine,” River says. “How about Never Have I Ever ?”

“I agree.” Vivian nudges Carol’s arm, and she nods.

“I love that game.”

“Have you ever played it?” Jet asks.

“No. But it looks fun.”

He rolls his eyes, and I get the feeling he doesn’t want to play.

River explains the rules. “Can, do you want to go first?”

The answer to this question is so different from what it was a few days ago. I resist looking at Wade. Fine. Unfazed. Am I the only one affected?

“Never have I ever been on an airplane.”

River groans, but I ignore him.

“Never?” Wade asks, and for a moment, I forget. I want to smooth the furrow on his forehead. Right, I’m not talking to him.

“Never.” Keep it together. I don’t want to fall apart in front of everyone.

Everyone else takes a drink, including River. I remember the work trip last year.

River shakes his head. “Bro, you wasted your first go.”

“I’m easing people into the game,” I say in a low voice, and that plan works perfectly at first. George announces he’s never played poker. And everyone else, including Sheila, drinks. Carol announces she’s never eaten cherry pie.

“That’s tragic,” I say. Wade stares at me, and I try not to react. My cheeks get hot…must be the fire. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

I absently take a sip of my beer without even needing to.

When it’s Al’s turn, he grumbles. “I’ve never played this stupid game before.”

Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves or, at least, getting into the game. We are almost through the first round when Sheila announces she’s never played a video game. Everyone else drinks.

“Never have I ever cheated at a video game,” Dillian says, glaring at Jet. Is that the reason they aren’t getting along? It’s much better than the fighting-over-my-brother scenario.

Jared clears his throat. “Never have I ever played Truth or Dare .”

Most everyone drinks. “Never?” Ander asks.

“Not as a kid at Boy Scout camp? Or at a high school party where the jock dares you to make out with the quarterback only to realize later it was all a setup because the jock had a crush—” Ander’s face turns red.

“Never mind. Go ahead, Wade.” He takes another swig of beer.

Wade smirks, and it takes my breath away. This sucks. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”

Which seems completely random. Vivian drinks—and okay, no surprise—and Jet. Interesting. And then, his cheeks red, Ander takes a drink. Oh. So this is Wade’s payback for Ander bringing up the squirrel story last night. Was it really only last night?

I can’t imagine Ander skinny dipping, and I’d love to hear the corresponding story. Wade gives Jared a pointed look, and Jared coughs before also taking a drink. Now, I really need to hear these stories…or is it the same story?

The first round goes well, so the pitfall in the second round takes me by surprise. Jet glares at Dillian and announces, “Never have I ever slept with a coworker.”

Dillian flips him off and drinks. Wait, did he sleep with River?

Jared leans forward. “Um, I’m not sure?—”

But Ander grabs his arm and pulls him back. They aren’t drinking, and I’m not sure if that means I was wrong about them or if they consider coworkers to be at the same level. And technically, Ander is his boss.

Maybe Owen is wondering the same thing. “Never have I ever slept with my employee.”

“No. This is not something we need to discuss here.” I give Jared points for trying.

“Do you need to drink, Jared?” Owen asks, looking eager for the answer.

“No. Of course not.”

“What about you, Ander?”

“If I need to take a drink, Owen, I’ll do it without prompting.”

And then I notice Wade. He’s still. And pale. Oh God. Almost as one, they turn to him. His hand grips his beer and, oh God.

“I have panic attacks,” I announce loudly.

“That’s not how this works,” Carol says, with a shake of her head. “You have to say?—”

“No. I mean, the first night here, I had a panic attack, so Wade let me—we slept in the same bed. It’s fine, Wade. Go ahead and drink.”

He takes a sip, his eyes on me.

Owen squawks. “That’s cheating. I meant sex, and you know it. Did you have sex?—”

“Don’t answer that,” Jared says in his lawyer voice.

“Sorry, Owen. Your turn is up. You should say what you mean.” River turns to Vivian. I pray she doesn’t ask the question.

She lifts her chin with her lips set in a firm line. Shit. “Never have I ever taken someone’s food from the break room fridge and eaten it.”

The only sound is the crickets in the background and the popping of the fire. No one talks. Or moves. Or drinks. Everyone’s looking at Lydia.

“No one needs to take a drink?” Vivian stares at each one…even me. Then, her gaze lands back on Lydia. “No one?”

Carol moves on, stating she’s never had blueberry pie—and someone seriously needs to give this girl some pie. Maybe whoever’s stealing other people’s desserts.

Al has never been so disgusted by a bunch of people before, and for some reason, everyone drinks.

“Never have I ever,” Lydia says, glaring at Vivian, “intentionally stolen anything.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Owen asks. “You’ve either stolen or you haven’t.”.

Lydia huffs in protest. “I might have taken a pen or something by accident, but I don’t steal.”

“Fine. If we’re being picky,” he says, looking defiant. “Define anything?—”

Al glares. “Anything means anything, you f?—”

“Al,” Wade says sharply. “If you can’t be civil, then stop talking altogether.”

But Owen drinks. And Ander. And…Sheila?

Vivial laughs. “We’ve established that pens don’t count, Sheila.”

“I know, dear.” She turns to me. “Is it my turn?”

I nod and wave my hand for her to continue.

“Never did I ever mean to hurt anyone.”

Al scoffs like it’s a stupid thing to say, and Lydia smacks his arm. Sheila stares into the fire. Her thin shoulders slump as she wrings her hands.

“Sheila?” Wade asks, “What’s wrong?”

She sighs, dapping her eyes with a handkerchief. “I’m the one taking the desserts from the breakroom refrigerator.”

There’s murmuring as everyone reacts, but Vivian is the loudest. “But you didn’t drink,” she says as if that’s the important part.

Sheila scowls. “You specifically said eat. I didn’t eat them.”

Lydia looks horrified by that thought.

“What did you do with them?” Wade asks.

Sheila sniffs and dabs her eyes again. “My Bernard was a lovely man. But he loved his sweets, and in the end, that’s what killed him.

Diabetes, heart disease, all of it. I just didn’t want that happening to any of you.

” Another sigh. “So I replaced your sweets with healthy snacks. I really didn’t think anyone would care this much. ”

“Sweets are sacred,” Vivian says.

“Exactly,” Lydia says.

And for the first time during this entire retreat, they finally agreed on something. Score a point for River.

Thursday, June 12 th , 10:00 p.m.

My stomach feels weird after the game, like it knows something I don’t. But it doesn’t click until people start going back to their cabins.

Where am I going to sleep?

“I’m going to the cabin. Are you joining me?” River asks.

“Um…no.”

“Why not?”

What can I say? I had a panic attack the last time I was there. I don’t want to be in the same cabin with Al and Owen?