Page 27 of Broken Promises (Soho Knights #5)

JASON

Jason had been in his bedroom for less than two minutes before the door burst open. It was Charlie and Paolo.

“Ever heard of knocking?”

“When you do it, I’ll return the same courtesy,” said Charlie, throwing himself on the bed.

Paolo stood in the doorway, still wearing his suit from the wedding.

The guy was a walking wet dream. Jason loved Patrick, but he wasn’t dead and could appreciate hotness when he saw it.

Other gays must look at their group and hate them.

He shook his head, wanting to remove the mention of “love” he’d used.

It wasn’t something they’d said to each other, and Jason wouldn’t be the first one to say it.

What if Patrick didn’t say it back? It would be worse than any heartbreak he’d ever had.

He knew his mother hadn’t loved him from the moment she gave birth to him.

His sisters had loved him, but they were gone from his life.

His brothers loved him, and they said it often enough.

Grant had loved him once, which was something he’d never doubted, but with Patrick it was different.

This was a love Jason hadn’t felt before, and it terrified him .

Charlie poked him in the side, reminding Jason he had company. He squealed from the shock more than how hard Charlie had poked him.

“Why are you here?” asked Jason.

“Where else would we be?” replied Charlie.

Jason felt his stomach flip. Of course they’d followed him. It was exactly what he’d do, and he was the most self-involved of all of them.

“Where are the others?”

“Langdon went after Grant, probably to beat the crap out of him, so that’ll be fun to deal with tomorrow.”

“We need to stop him. You don’t know how dangerous Grant can be.”

“I think we’re all aware of how dangerous he is given what’s happened in the last few months, but this is Langdon. Grant has a soft spot for him, and you it seems.”

“Gregory didn’t leave his wedding, did he?”

Jason felt awful about Grant turning up and causing a scene when it was Gregory’s special day. It wouldn’t have happened if Jason had spoken to him sometime over the last few months when Grant had been trying to contact him.

“We told Gregory to stay put. He’s probably railing Oscar in the office again.”

Jason snorted. “They weren’t exactly quiet, were they?”

“It didn’t help that you called us all over to listen,” said Paolo.

“You couldn’t get over there quick enough,” said Charlie. “Max must be rubbing off on you.”

“He does most days.”

“What. The. Fuck!” squealed Jason. “Did Paolo just make a sex joke? Has the world ended? Please tell me the apocalypse is coming, so I don’t need to speak to Patrick again.”

“What did he do?” asked Charlie, his face full of concern.

Jason loved his brothers so much. They knew Jason was an over-the-top drama queen, but their immediate response was to assume Patrick had done something wrong. He hadn’t. Patrick was the perfect man. It was Jason who was defective.

“He did nothing wrong, but when he sees what’s in that envelope, I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again.”

“What’s in the envelope?” asked Charlie. “And before you deflect, remember, we love you no matter what. Even if it’s a list of all the people you’ve murdered, we’ll stand by you.”

Jason was overwhelmed, but he still didn’t want to tell them.

They’d judge him, because despite everything people said, opinions are like arseholes – everybody has one.

He knew it better than most because he worked in HR and had to always remain neutral, yet no matter what the situation was, he still formed a view in his head of which side of the argument he believed more.

The challenge was to fight against his own biases and focus on the facts.

It was a daily challenge not to call people out on their bullshit.

“Jason!” prompted Charlie.

“Grant thinks I cheated on him when we were together.”

Charlie looked shocked. Paolo had his usual calm expression. He sat on the bed next to Jason and took his hand.

“Tell us your side, Jason,” said Paolo. “That’s all we’re interested in hearing.”

“Your hands are soft and pretty.”

Paolo chuckled, but then turned his intense blue eyes on Jason, prompting him to take a deep sigh. He needed to be honest with them.

“The first two years were amazing. Grant was around all the time, so attentive, and he looked after me, and I don’t mean with money.

He was always there to help me when I got overwhelmed.

He’d just listen if I needed to have one of my rants.

Grant always kept his business interests away from me, but I wasn’t stupid.

I knew who he was when I agreed to marry him, but he always said he didn’t want me to be tainted by his world.

He could always come home and I’d be there, all pure and innocent. ”

Charlie snorted. Jason glared at him, but then couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Grant knew I was a bit of a slut at university.”

“A bit?” said Charlie.

“Did I turn the commentary on for this episode?”

Charlie laughed and nodded at Jason to continue.

“Grant knew why I was the way I was. I told him everything. Things I’d only ever told you guys and some things I haven’t. He gave me the attention I needed, and never said I was too much.”

Ever since Jason had been a child, he’d needed to be the centre of attention. He now knew where it came from since his ADHD diagnosis, but he didn’t understand when he was younger, why he couldn’t stop himself from acting out all the time. His school reports were full of the same thing:

“Very bright but needs to behave.”

“He distracts other pupils all the time.”

“If he could channel his efforts into his behaviour like he does his exams, he would be a model pupil.”

And so on. His mother didn’t care because he was always getting top marks in his exams, so that was all she was interested in.

The low grades for his conduct were irrelevant to her.

When he was suspended for his behaviour, they would be the only times she turned up at the school, because she didn’t want him home during the day.

She never attended a single parents’ evening.

Jason was always in detention, or having to do his schoolwork outside the headteacher’s office, and had been told the only reason he hadn’t been expelled was because his grades were exceptional.

He wasn’t sure why that was the case. When it came to it, he could rush out an assignment at the last minute, or cram for an exam and ace it.

Jason got top marks in everything he did, and he aced his degree with a first and an award for being top of his year.

“After two years, things changed,” said Jason. “He was working all the time, and started going away on business trips, so I was home on my own. There were times he’d be away for a couple of weeks. The only friends I had were the people I worked with, and I had to be careful about what I said.”

“Did you never think to call us?” asked Charlie. The hurt in his voice was clear.

“You know I couldn’t do that. Langdon would have . . .”

Jason wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. Langdon had been nothing but understanding when he’d finally told him about being married to Grant, though Jason wasn’t sure things would have been the same had he known from the beginning.

“I got lonely with him being away, so I started chatting to guys online. I didn’t meet anyone and I never would have, but I just needed to feel wanted.

Grant would come back from his business trips and be in such a bad mood that he’d sleep in the spare room.

I just felt like he didn’t love me anymore.

One day he came home and confronted me with all the printouts from the conversations I’d been having on the apps. ”

“How did Grant have all your messages?” asked Paolo.

“He’s Grant Kincaid. He can do whatever he wants. He didn’t believe that I’d only talked to these guys, but if he could get access to my messages, he would know if I’d cheated on him, and I didn’t.”

“It is a kind of cheating, though, Jason,” said Charlie.

Jason turned to look at his closest friend, feeling betrayed by his words. Of all the people in his life, he thought Charlie would have his back.

“It might not have been physical cheating, but it was emotional.”

“We were just talking,” snapped Jason .

“About what?”

Jason looked away, feeling ashamed. The messages had often been sexual, and the guys had shared private pictures. Jason hadn’t. It had only been harmless flirting. He would never have met someone, and he’d never shared his face.

“Jason, I will always be on your side.”

“It doesn’t sound like it.”

“I just want you to see it from Grant’s perspective. I’m not defending him at all. The way he confronted you was cruel, and he’s been nothing but an arsehole since Christmas Day. But I think you need to tell Patrick the truth.”

“Why? What good would it do?”

“Trust me. It would be best in the long term if you told him this now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just think if something like this came out later, and it’s possible with Grant involved, then it could be worse.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

It was Charlie’s turn to look away now. They never could look at each other and lie. It was one thing that made their friendship so special. They could only ever tell each other the truth.

“Charlie?”

“I can’t, Jason. I was told in confidence.”

“By Sebastian?”

Charlie nodded.

“Okay. Then I won’t push it. My relationship may be finished, but I will not affect yours as well.”

“No, Jason, you need to talk to him. Nothing is finished. Patrick loves you. He might not have said it yet, but everyone who sees you together can see it. You said nobody has ever gotten you like Patrick does, didn’t you?”

Jason nodded tearfully. There was nobody who understood him like Patrick.

Jason knew he was hard work, but Patrick had so much patience for him.

He could sense whether he needed to push Jason or let him be.

There was clearly something Patrick had in his past about cheating, though.

Had George done something, or perhaps it was before then?

They hadn’t really talked about Patrick’s relationships before George, as there had been nobody significant.

Given what Charlie had just said, and the source, there had to be something in Patrick’s past about cheating.

Would he see it the same way as Charlie?

Jason had emotionally cheated on Grant, so it was just as bad as him sleeping with other men.

“What are you going to do tonight?” asked Paolo. “Are you going to stay here?”

Jason nodded again. He was too choked up to speak.

There was no way he could see Patrick now, not when he was this upset.

He’d say something he’d regret and never be able to take it back.

It was something Jason struggled with the most. When he was feeling major rejection sensitivity, his emotions would become dysregulated and there would be no filter.

Most people said he didn’t have a filter anyway, but they didn’t know how much effort it took to mask everything he was feeling day to day.

His flirty banter and sex positivity were all part of his mask.

“You need to let Patrick know you’re okay, and agree when you’re going to speak to him,” said Charlie.

“I can’t think right now of when I can talk to him. What am I supposed to say?”

“Just send him a text,” said Paolo. “Let him know you’re at home with us and you’re safe. You can decide what to do tomorrow when you’ve had some sleep.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?” asked Charlie.

Jason wanted that more than anything. He didn’t want to be alone tonight, but the last thing he wanted to do was come between Charlie and Sebastian.

“What about Sebastian?”

“He’ll understand, and he’s with Patrick. ”

Jason hesitated.

“I can survive one night without his dick, you know.”

Jason couldn’t help but laugh. Charlie always knew the right thing to say to him.

He just needed some thinking time to decide what he was going to say to Patrick.

Jason didn’t want to destroy what they were building together, but from what Charlie had said, he didn’t think Patrick would ever understand Jason’s perspective.