Page 46 of Broken by my Bully

I lived for our time together. I’d squeeze my hands into tiny fists and wish for the second hand of the clock to stream around and around in a blur.

Just so I could be with him again.

So, yeah, maybe that’s why I’m in the one place I shouldn’t be.

If Kai truly hates me as much as he says, then there’s no way we’ll ever be together.

Which means I don’t have to apologize for falling in love with him.

I glance at the clock on my car’s dashboard. Professor Rooke’s class starts in thirty minutes.

There’s no way I’m going to make it. I can’t even convince myself to open the car door and step outside. This dented-up sedan has become my little fort.

Outside, bad. Inside, good. Or at least, safe.

Shit. Kai still has my copy of The Lucifer Effect. Was Professor Rooke being serious when he said not to bother showing up if we hadn’t read the first ten chapters?

Despite all my doubts, despite all my fear, I play the part of a dutiful student, and scrape together my stuff for class. Slipping my notepad and pen into the AHC tote. I hesitate when I pick up the Activity Log.

There’s a queasy feeling in my stomach when I flip it open.

The first fresh page glares up at me.

I haven’t submitted a photo like I was supposed to. Haven’t written a single thing down in this book.

The sound of my dismal chuckle is as pathetic as I am.

You’d swear I don’t evenwantto graduate. Sure, I’ve started work on some of my other assignments. But Professor Rooke’s class is one of my prerequisites. If I fail, I’m out on my ass.

I dig my pen out of the tote bag and yank the lid off with my teeth, staring down at the blank page like it’s Kai’s smirking face. The nib of the pen leaves a dent in the page as I write with slow, furious intent.

Age: 5

Act: boy pushes me into mud puddle

Intent: a joke / shame

Impact: scraped hands and knees. clothes full of mud. dad was mad at me. cried.

My handis shaking, but I keep going.

Interpretation: it wasn’t funny it hurt and got me into trouble + he knew it would because he did it a lot

CRUEL

I blow out a breath.

Fuck, that felt good, especially scrawling that last word. I go over it again, trying to make it neater and less serial-killery.

Age: 7

Act: boy ties me to tree

Intent: playing pretend / punishment

Impact: rope left marks. was scared he would leave me like that. cried. yelled until throat was sore.

Interpretation: he was mad at me because I laughed at him and this was his punishment two days later - he loved playing the long game