Page 150 of Broken by my Bully

I used to wish it would wash me away, too. Shouldn’t even have been out of the house by myself at that age, definitely not that close to a speeding river, but even my young, tender mind had accepted the fact that no one gave a shit about me. I’d throw sticks into the river and watch them being swept away, giggling when they disappeared under the frothy waves.

Even put my foot in a few times, amazed at how hard the water tugged at my leg. A swell. One misplaced step. That’s all it would have taken. And little Haven Lee would have washed up on the shore a few days later, grey-skinned and blue-lipped, a broken doll no one had wanted to play with anymore.

But then I met Kai.

I never went back to those white-fleckedwaters.

He made me feel special. He made me feel wanted. Even though it sometimes hurt when he played with me.

Feeling something was better than feeling nothing.

And now here I am again, standing at the edge of another dangerous current. Only this time, the river has dark eyes and calls me ‘sweet girl.’

This time, I might not want to be saved.

“Are you coming?”

I kick a stone lying on the ground near my foot. “Could’ve let me drive the Tesla.”

He chuckles, but there’s something predatory in it. “We’re definitely not there yet, sweet girl.” His eyes rake over me. “You haven’t earned it.”

“How do I earn it?”

His smile turns wolfish. “I’m still deciding. Now get in the truck.”

I slide into the driver’s seat, adjusting mirrors that haven’t been touched in God knows how long. He leads me down the winding road to his house, and I catch him watching me in the rearview mirror more than once.

Not my face, but my hands on his steering wheel. Like he’s imagining them wrapped around something else.

I white-knuckle the wheel and follow him into the gathering dark, knowing I’m driving toward something I can’t come back from.

Knowing I don’twantto come back from it.

Kai

I put off getting ready for the social committee meeting until the last possible minute. I’m too late to shower—although I desperately fucking need one—so I throw on enough cologne to knock out a horse. I take a gulp from the bottle of Jäger on my nightstand and slip a freshly rolled joint in my pocket for the walk to the sorority house.

It should only take five minutes, but I stretch it to ten. Awesome night for a stroll, anyway. There’s a hint of ozone in the air. Moisture and raw earth. Clouds skate over the stars, ghostly against the deep purple sky.

I had an epic day, despite my hangover.

Best part? Haven was nowhere to be found.

Bet she finally slunk home, tail between her legs.

Fucking skank.

Almost wish she’d challenged me for another round of ‘will he, won’t he.’

Except this time I wouldn’t stop. This time I’d squeeze until those pretty eyes rolled back and she went limp in my hands. This time I’d?—

No. Fuck.

Can’t think like that.

Not here.

I lay in bed last night, trashed out of my mind, but still wide awake, going through the photos I’ve been taking of Haven. No new ones since last week, but the ones I have are plenty.