Page 115 of Broken by my Bully

They’ve barely hit my stomach before I want to puke them out again.

“Bastian,” I whisper, forcing the rest of the words. “I can’t stay. I have to leave.”

He touches my face, fingers tracing my jawline. I should pull away. Should ask why he’s looking at me like that. But I’m so tired, so fucking exhausted, and his touch feels so warm, so safe, so gentle.

“Get some rest, girl.”

And for some fucked up reason, that’s all it takes to ignore the part of my brain that’s screaming at me to run.

Because nothing,nothingabout this is safe. Nothing about this is sane.

Especially his smile.

That smile promises me every bit of pain and pleasure and suffering I’ve silently been begging for.

It’s the most beautiful, terrible thing I’ve ever seen.

Bastian

The brain releases more dopamine when we fantasizes about sex than when we’re actually fucking. Fantasies in themselves, then, should be enough of a thrill.

We convince ourselves they’re not.

Perhaps because humanity’s survival depends on copulation and reproduction.

Or perhaps because we crave the emotional aspect of such a primal connection with another being.

Seeing their desperate need reflected in ours.

Their emotions. Their arousal.

The realization of theirownfantasies.

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, palms flat on the vanity’s cool white marble. My pupils are blown black, swallowing the brown. The line of coke I just snorted lights up my nerve endings like the Fourth of July, sending my heart into a frantic drumming that’s both exhilarating and terrifying.

Balancing on this cusp is what I’ve always craved.

The moment when I always wonder if, this time, it’ll be too much.

I’ve been toying with death since I was a child. Playing Russian roulette with God.

Or Lucifer.

If I die before I wake,

The devil already owns what’s his to take.

A grin flashes over my face, but I quickly smooth it away. No one enjoys looking at the visage of a lunatic. They prefer charming, intelligent, rational Professor Rooke.

That’s why I had to come to this shitty town. People becameopinionatedabout me at my old haunt. They became nosy. Guarantee it will happen here, too. But in such a small town, it’s easier to control the flow of gossip.

I pause on the bedroom’s threshold, watching Haven as she tries to pull herself together. As she tries to rally the defenses I so methodically wreck every time I see or speak to her.

There’s a smile on my lips as I unbutton my shirt slowly, watching her fight the tranquilizer like she fought whoever marked her. But I chose the dosage carefully.

She can struggle all she wants.

In ten minutes, she’ll be mine.