Page 56 of Broken by my Bully (Lessons in Cruelty Dark Academia #1)

Haven

Kai might as well be choking me again. With his heavy body crushing mine, I can barely get air into my lungs. But I still keep trying to draw in shallow breath after shallow breath.

Not for long.

I’m losing my grip, and I can’t think of a single fucking reason not to let go.

I’ve wanted to many, many times before.

I wouldn’t be alive if Kai hadn’t found me. Befriended me.

And now he’s trying to destroy me.

What happened to that kid who’d risked his life to save mine? Who’d teased me about not wearing a bra? I was furious, but how was he to know I couldn’t afford one?

He could have let me drown that day when the river swept me away. God knows he should have. I’d told him how many times I wanted to die. But he held on when he could have let go. And then I held on, because I didn’t want to let him go.

I want to let go now.

I’m silently begging him to take the knife digging into my side and bury it between my ribs. To pierce my thumping heart and make it all go away.

The sadness. The pain.

The guilt.

He’ll do it if I ask. I know he will.

Kai’s mind always lived on the edge of the forest, in the dappled shade blurring the line between dark and light. But something has pushed Kai deep into the shadows beneath the trees.

I can see it in his eyes, the way he studies me for the smallest trace of pain. Memorizing any cut or bruise he can press on later, just to see how much it hurts.

But I guess I don’t have enough wounds to satisfy him, because he cuts me with the knife.

It pierces my skin, just above my rib with a sharp sting.

Then comes the savage, pulsing ache.

There’s a fascinated gleam in his eyes when I scream into his hand. He watches me as he drops his head and sucks my nipple into his mouth. I grasp his hair, trying to pull him away, more concerned with the lips on my tit than the knife tip digging into my side.

He growls as I yank at his hair, his neck taut as I wrench him off me, his lips twisted in a snarl. His chest presses against mine as he breathes, then his gaze slides down to my mouth.

Kai wants to kiss me. I can feel it, just like I can feel how hard he is between my legs.

And I want him to. I want to taste the lingering sweetness of the sucker he’d been working on through the meeting.

Is raspberry still his favorite?

There’s a clatter outside the door.

Melissa! Finally, someone?—

Kai jerks at the sound. I expect him to let me go, but he throws me a brief considering look, grabs me in a tight hug, and rolls us under the bed.

We come to a stop with him on top again, the knife against my throat, his hand so tight over my mouth that I can taste his skin .

It’s dark under here, the bedskirt blocking out most of the light…and us.

There’s only a sliver of visibility, barely enough to see the matching bedskirt on Melissa’s bed.

“…get a new one,” Melissa says as she walks into our room. “Just snapped right off. Haven?”

I stare at the pair of pink bunny slippers a few feet away, my entire body shivering.

All it will take is one good scream.

My gaze darts back to Kai. He’s staring at me, eyes heavy-lidded, a bemused smile on his mouth, like he can’t believe I’m not kicking up a fuss.

I guess he’s come to the only conclusion there is.

I want this.

I didn’t come to Agony Hollow looking for Kai. After that hateful letter he sent me, I tried to contact him. Sent countless letters, none of which he bothered to reply to. Even tried calling him from the phone inside the grocer when the Jordans got listed in the phonebook.

His brother made it really fucking clear Kai never, ever wanted to speak to me again. Also told me to stop writing, because Kai set every single one of my letters on fire. That his brother would set me on fire if I dared to contact him again.

That was the day I went to Lookout Point for the first time.

My father and uncle were both so doped up, they didn’t even know I took the car keys.

I meant to visit Kai. I knew his address, and it was a random Wednesday afternoon, so I was sure he’d be home.

But when I pulled up outside his enormous mansion with its pretty fountain and impossibly large lawn, I felt like the filthiest, poorest piece of trash in all of Riverside.

Despite all of that, I somehow convinced myself to go up to the gate. But before I could press the buzzer, I spotted a shape in one of the upstairs windows, and I froze up.

It was Kai.

He was watching me.

I was close enough to recognize his silhouette, so surely he could see me, too. But he just stood there, watching. Waiting to see what I’d do. If I was brave enough .

…screw being brave. I’ll stick with being a coward…

I got back in the car, drove all the way up the mountain, and pulled off at the rest stop, shaking with anger, fear, betrayal.

I nearly jumped that day.

If the couple in the SUV with the words ‘JUST MARRIED’ scrawled on the sides hadn’t stopped to admire the view, I’d just be some greasy ashes in a tacky box right now.

I got back in my car and watched them making out. Alternating between hating them, and blessing them.

Hating them, because I was jealous. I knew I’d never have what they have. I was destined to work for minimum wage the rest of my life, probably pick up a drug habit like my dad, and most likely end up preggers with my uncle’s fucking child.

If I didn’t kill myself first.

But I blessed the couple, too. Because I believed everyone in the world was worthy of love. Some people just have to fight harder for it than others.

I’m not sure if I feel that way anymore.

I’m older now. Hopefully wiser.

I don’t believe in soul mates, or destiny.

Things happen, and either you’re responsible for those things…or someone else is. When I got sick of everyone else being responsible for my happiness—or lack thereof—I decided I’d do whatever it took to get into Agony Hollow College.

Kai never featured in my five-year plan, because he’d opted out of my life years ago.

So why the fuck am I suddenly willing to risk it all, just to find out how deep his hatred runs?

Because maybe, just maybe, it’s only surface deep.

And maybe…just fucking maybe…I’ll know which version of Haven will arrive at Lookout Point in a few years.

The one in the ‘JUST MARRIED’ car, or the one ready to throw herself off the cliff?

Silently, quietly, so fucking carefully, Kai takes his hand off my mouth. Waiting to see if I’ll scream.

But I don’t.

So he slides a hand between our bodies, grabs the hem of my dress, and starts pulling it up my leg.

I squirm under him, and the knife presses harder against my throat.

With the long slit he made down the front, I’m already plenty naked, but I guess that’s not enough for Kai.

I tense as his fingers reach my hip, and he purses his lips, warning me to stay quiet.

Melissa’s phone beeps, and my entire body jolts in surprise. She sighs, bunny slippers flopping over the carpet, her bed letting out a little squeak as she falls down on it.

“What?” she snaps into the phone. “Yes, you fucking simp, I got your messages. All hundred-and-nine of them.”

I squirm as Kai’s hand reaches the edge of my underwear. There’s barely enough light down here for me to make out the vague contours of his face. A gleam in his eyes. And how he slowly shakes his head.

Fuck him.

I shove my hand between us, capturing his wrist. Trying to stop his fingers.

“This is harassment,” Melissa says.

I one-hundred percent agree. My nails bite into Kai’s wrists hard enough to make him hiss.

Melissa’s bunny slippers slap down beside the bed. “Haven?”

Maybe Kai doesn’t care if he’s discovered anymore. Why else would he drag his hand down between my legs and push aside my underwear so he can slip a finger inside me when it’s obvious Melissa heard us?

Her bunny slippers flip-flop their way to the door.

Kai uses the noise as cover to put his head next to mine and whisper, “Why is your little cum bucket so wet, Heavenly? This slutty pussy can’t wait to get fucked again, can it?”

“Stop, Kai,” I whisper. “Please, stop.”

His reply is a soft, menacing chuckle in my ear as he slowly pumps his finger in and out of me.

“Keep messaging me like this, and I’m going to the dean,” Melissa says, closing the bedroom door before storming back across the floor. “I mean it.”

Her bed complains loudly as she throws herself on it again.

“Of course I don’t miss you. You’re a fucking freak. And not in a good way. Yes, there’s a good way.”

I’m still holding onto Kai’s wrist, but it’s not doing anything to stop him. So I reach up and grab the hand holding the knife.

He freezes like someone hit him with liquid nitrogen. Then he lets out the smallest, softest little sound I’ve ever heard anyone make. He takes his finger out of me and seizes my wrist.

Now we’ve both got a hold of the knife, our arms shaking as we try to get it out of each other’s grip.

And my fucking throat is like a quarter inch away.

“P-Please,” I pant quietly. “Stop.”

Melissa laughs. “That thing you used to do? That was fucked up.” She laughs again, and Kai takes one hand off the knife.

I guess my new roommate doesn’t hear the rasp of his zipper over her own laughing.

I do.

I hear it. I feel it.

With my underwear back in place, I can feel how wet the fabric is. It says a lot that this is how turned on I get when a guy just lies on top of me for a while.

But it’s not just any guy.

It’s Kai.

And ever since my body knew what lust was, it switches on around him like a fucking lightbulb.

I inch the knife away from my throat while he’s busy dragging his cock out of his jeans. But he presses the blade right back again as soon as he’s free, letting that hard dick slap down on my belly with the finality of a guillotine.

“You keep forgetting who you belong to,” he murmurs into my ear, the tip of the blade scraping over my skin hard enough to make goosebumps break out over my body. “Maybe I should carve my name somewhere you’ll see it every day.”