Page 34 of Broken by my Bully (Lessons in Cruelty Dark Academia #1)

Haven

Pulling into the small, tree-shaded alcove on the edge of Earl Avenue feels like coming home.

Every night for the past few weeks I’ve driven up here and parked in the same tread marks I left the day before. And every night, I’m filled with the same sense of calm. An ethereal reassurance, source unknown.

Everything’s going to be okay.

But this time, there’s a weirdness tainting my serenity. Something out of place, just off-kilter. Like how you can feel a shirt is inside out the moment you pull it over your head.

It’s barely gone noon. Maybe that’s why.

This is the earliest I’ve ever dared to come here. I probably shouldn’t have risked it, but this is the only comfort I have left. Plus, this route is ingrained in muscle memory by now. It would have taken more effort to figure out some other place to go than come straight here.

And there’s the view, of course.

Nothing quite perks me up like staring out over Agony Hollow and pretending I’m only visiting. That I live somewhere safe, and warm, and peaceful.

That beach house me and Kai dreamed about.

Our house.

Our rules.

Just… ours .

The sedan groans as I jerk up the emergency brake, then there’s just the tick-tick-tick of cooling metal under the hood.

I swallow, grimace.

My throat hurts.

As do my shoulders, where the rough tree trunk scraped my skin.

I’m pretty sure I still have bits of bark and grass in my hair.

I refuse to even think about what’s happening down there.

It took me thirty minutes to get here after I fled Kai’s crime scene, and I’m still tingling.

A part of me wishes I was brave enough to reach between my legs and end my suffering. But a different part argues it’s exactly what Kai wants. That, then, he would win this game.

But he hasn’t won yet.

I sent him fleeing, like a little boy running home to his mama.

Thick clouds, partly white, partly gray, hang low in the sky. They cast vast splotches of shadow down onto Agony Hollow, with only the odd shaft of light spearing down to pick out a house or two here, a building over there.

My eyes narrow when one of those rays of light hits my car. I sigh, my head falling back on the headrest as my skin warms. I must have dozed off without realizing, because when a shiver wakes me, my eyes flicker open, staring at the cloud blocking the sun.

Rubbing my hands over my arms, I peer around my car with a confused frown.

Where the hell is my cardigan?

I find it inside my tote a moment later. When I see how grubby my white linen bag is, tears well up in my eyes .

But I blink them back, because fuck that. I’ll wash it, and it will be good as new.

The same can’t be said for my dignity, though.

God, what the hell was I thinking?—?

“No!” My stern voice seems much too loud in the confines of the car. I open the door, kicking out a foot to stop it swinging back and slamming into my shins like it loves to do when I’m not paying attention.

As the door slams shut, I catch sight of my reflection in the window.

Instead of eyes, I have two dark smudges, like empty sockets.

The rest of my face is so pale, it looks like bone.

The marks Kai’s fingers left around my throat seem too vivid to be real, like I painted them on.

And when the wind whips my hair into my face, the effect is that of wire wrapped around a skull.

That same chilly breeze tugs at my dress, rifling it against my knees.

I wrap my arms around my chest and carefully approach the edge of the lookout spot.

There’s a metal barrier between me and oblivion, but it’s waist high, easy enough to climb over.

And the metal curves just right so I can sit on it.

It’s a better view than from the concrete bench a few feet away.

My flip-flops crunch over the grit and dry scrub as I carefully swing my leg over the barrier, hop, and slide down the other side until my ass is seated on top.

Straw brushes the tips of my toes as I stretch out a foot.

Another gust of wind pushes against my back.

My eyes lose focus as I stare out over the town.

I need to process what happened back at school between me and Kai, but it’s so much easier just to let those thoughts slip away.

I’d much rather just sit here and imagine a future where I’m not Haven Lee.

Not Heavenly, just someone else.

Someone brave, and strong, and good.

Someone I can be proud of .

I WISH I NEVER MET U

I FUCKING HATE U

BURN IN HELL

FUCK ME?

FUCK YOU!!!

I wrap a hand around my throat to better feel the ghostly touch Kai left behind.

My mind was seething with emotion when I wrote that letter. All my plans throughout my entire life felt like they’d led up to that one moment, that one day, my sixteenth birthday.

I’d always wanted to spend it with Kai. And when we began to drift apart, I made him swear that no matter what, we’d be together that day.

He kept his promise.

Part of it, anyway.

I drag my hands up my throat, over my face, through my hair.

Heavenly, I’m not. Kai’s right.

I have a one-way ticket to hell.

A tear flashes down my cheek, startling me at how quickly it cools. Guess there’s more rain on the way. But the clouds still don’t look dense enough. Might only be some scattered showers.

The first storm of the season is always a rager.

Me and Kai would huddle together under the overhang by the creek during those storms, our wet bodies shivering against each other.

We were always silent because the rain drummed too loud for us to talk.

Sometimes, the storm would still be raging when night fell, and we’d have to go home or risk freezing to death.

Kai would hold my hand as we’d pick our way back home, slipping through the puddles and giggling as much as our chattering teeth would allow.

He’d always give my hand a hard squeeze when my trailer came into view, and say, “Don’t go to heaven yet!” through a toothy grin, before disappearing into the rain.

Like he knew that’s all I ever wanted. Leaving this mortal body and flying up to heaven like an angel.

I should leave AHC. I mean, what’s the point of sticking around? I’ve made one friend, and she’s already screwed me over. Having to look Kai in the face every time I have a class with Professor Rooke will be torture.

My gaze shifts until I’m looking at my toes. There’s barely two feet between me and the gaping void of Hollow Heights.

Wind tugs at my hair, shoves against my back.

My hands tighten on the barrier, then relax.

How much would it hurt?

I reckon quite a lot.

Maybe it would be worth it.

But only if I didn’t survive.

Another gust pummels me. I can smell moisture in the air, taste it on my tongue.

I’m trying to find the tiniest sliver of hope, but things look pretty fucking dark right now. Kai might have played it off as a joke, but what are the chances there won’t be rumors about me living out of my car?

One secret down, one to go.

I don’t want to be around when that one comes out.

Don’t want to see Kai’s face change from anger to fear. To disgust. Or, even worse…pity.

Another tear flashes down my cheek.

“Fuck!”

The wild wind doesn’t care. It snatches away my frustrated yell and pulls it apart.

I’m so fucking sick of crying.

So sick of lying.

I slip off the barrier, take a tiny, hesitant step forward. Then another. Inching closer until I can look over. Fuck. I’m pretty sure I’ll bounce a few times on the cliff face before I reach the bottom of the canyon.

My toes curl against the soles of my flip-flops. The wind toys with my hair and gives me gentle little shoves, like it’s encouraging me closer to the edge.

There’s a sickening buzz in my ears. A painful thump in my chest as if my heart is trying to push me back to safety.

But I’ve been here before. This isn’t new territory for me.

I shuffle a little closer.

Just a little closer.

And then I’m right on the edge, and every excuse not to jump becomes as flimsy as the loose ground beneath my feet.