Page 41 of Broken by my Bully (Lessons in Cruelty Dark Academia #1)

Kai

“Fuck, Kai, at least open a window.”

I blink at Ezra through the haze of weed smoke between me and the door. His dark green eyes narrow when I remain parked on my ass on the floor of my dorm room, then he charges across the room and throws open my window.

Sweet, skunky smoke flees my room like civilians after a week-long hostage situation ends with the cops gunning down their kidnappers.

Wish I could open a window and escape that easily.

Ezra waves a hand dramatically in front of his face. “You know you can’t smoke that in here.”

I grin at him around the joint I’m puffing on. “You know I don’t give a fuck, right?” I gesture with two fingers between us. “Familial immunity.”

My brother snorts, shaking his head as he takes a slow scan of my dorm room. The way his nose wrinkles, it’s obvious I disgust him.

He’s the epitome of a germaphobe, with his immaculate gelled hair, his perfectly pressed clothes, and his obsession with hand sanitizer and mouthwash. His room is another one Riley avoids at all costs because it’s cleaner and creepier than Jace’s.

He nudges an empty beer can with his foot. “Celebrating?”

“Fuck, yeah.” I throw my hands up, one of them holding another beer. “Bitch is fucking gone.”

I was in no state to go to class today, but I have ferrets everywhere and they were quick to inform me that Haven did not show up to any of her classes today. It’s two in the afternoon on a glorious Wednesday, and I’m taking a long weekend.

Like a really, really long weekend.

Because there’s no fucking way I’m staying sober long enough to remember any of the shit that went down in the library gardens.

…look how fucking wet you are…

Oops. Ha ha. That was a close one.

“Grab a beer!” I drag myself up the bed, and then perch on the edge as I rummage through the cans on my nightstand. One of them’s gotta be sealed. I brought two six-packs in here last night to supplement my fresh bottle of J?ger. “Wait, no, fuck. Let’s do shots!”

Ezra looks almost exactly like that meme of the little blond girl in her car seat, with his lip raised until his too-white teeth catch the light. “It’s the middle of the day. And the middle of the week.”

“Bro. Bro!” I lunge forward, but he steps deftly aside and I almost faceplant when I miss the sleeve of his pastel yellow polo shirt with the popped collar.

Do you have to iron them that way, or does he buy them already popped?

“We’re in fucking college! ” I roar, ducking to grab my half-empty bottle of J?ger. “The fuck we care what time it is?”

He holds up a hand when I try to press the bottle into his chest, shoving it back at me hard enough to send me sprawling onto the bed.

I start laughing, because thank God the mattress broke my fall, and then I can’t stop, because, well, weed.

“Glad you’re happy,” Ezra says dryly. “That slut was seriously messing with your mood.”

…look at me when I use you…

Setting my beer down, then carefully putting my dead roach in the makeshift ashtray I created out of a dented beer can, I screw off the J?ger’s lid and take a swig.

“You must be ecstatic she’s gone.” My brother’s voice moves with him as he prowls through my room like he’s taking careful note of every discarded sweet packet, beer can, or crusty sock.

I’m not usually a pig. But it’s hard to think about cleaning when all I can think about is how fragile and slender and warm and smooth Haven’s neck felt in my fingers as I tried to crush the life out of?—

Fuck!

“Goddamn slut,” Ezra says. “Thought she could fuck half the football team and you wouldn’t find out about it.”

I stare at the bottle of J?ger, start circling my wrist to make the booze swish around inside. “Yeah,” I rasp. “The fucking audacity on that one.”

“You know how hard it was to break that news to you? I almost couldn’t do it.”

My neck twists reluctantly, but I know my brother’s cues by now. If I don’t look at him, acknowledge this sliver of mercy he gave me all those years ago, he’ll make me pay for it.

And I owe him for it. How else would I have found out about the guys running a train on Haven? I thought she’d have told me she was back in town for the weekend.

Makes sense, though. She was saving all her energy for the gang bang.

“You two were so close,” Ezra says, shaking his head as he goes to stand by the window. “I mean, fuck, you loved that girl.”

The knuckles on the hand holding my J?ger have gone white.

“Shut up,” I push through gritted teeth.

“No one should have to live a lie. Especially not my brother. Watching her insult you like?— ”

“Ezra, stop.” It’s a low, warning growl, but he’s too caught up in his pious retelling of the past to listen to me.

“—that. But you know what? I’m glad she came back. Gave you a chance to hammer that last nail in her coffin. Maybe now she’ll stay dead. Hey, now you can finally get a girlfriend.”

He flinches when the bottle of J?germeister explodes against the wall a few feet from him.

In the hush that follows, there’s only a soft tinkle of glass as a shard settles.

“That almost hit me,” he says, turning eyes the color of dying moss onto me.

…you almost hurt me…

…you almost strangled me…

…you almost killed me…

Almost…but never quite.

Blood is thicker than water. That’s the only reason I suffer this psychotic asshole’s presence.

His influence.

His authority .

There’s not enough water in the world to wash away the blood Ezra has coaxed from my body over the years, literally and figuratively. I thought he’d drained me dry, then he told me about Haven’s whorish tendencies, and I became a dried husk of a man.

He shakes his arms, glancing down at the booze splashed over his once-pristine polo shirt, picking a tiny shard of glass out of his arm hair.

“I want you sober tomorrow night. The social committee is meeting to discuss the final particulars of that stupid gala.”

He heads for the door, pausing at the sound of my groan as I lower myself back onto my bed.

“I mean it, Kai. You can’t neglect your responsibilities at this fraternity.”

When he slams my door shut, I flinch, and then drag my fingers through my hair. Hunt for the roach so I can light it up. I tug the warm, sweet smoke into my lungs, my muscles relaxing as the weed numbs me.

I hike up the sleeve of my hoodie and stare at the bite mark on my arm, running a thumb over the angry, raised puncture wounds.

When the memories flood in, and I can’t stop them.

This wasn’t the first time she had bitten me. It was one of her favorite things to do when we played. If I was the pirate who’d abducted her, she’d fight to get free before I could tie her to the tree as a sacrifice for the kraken.

And fuck, would she fight.

Sometimes I left the woods in a worse condition than when I got there.

I’ll never forget the first time I hurt her.

I’d gotten to the woods in a bad mood to begin with after Ezra had let off some steam by kicking me in the ribs for a while.

Me and Haven were fighting our way through a tiger-infested jungle in the Amazon when a troop of cannibals attacked us.

I saved her, only to have one of the cannibals stalk us and capture her.

First, I was the hero, then I became the villain.

Then she turned into a cannibal and bit my hand. I suppose it was because I ignored her when she said the ropes were too tight, when I just kept antagonizing her as she struggled and screamed.

It was hard to tell what was real and what was make-believe back then.

So she bit my hand. Drew blood. It hurt so much I backhanded her, leaving a streak of blood over her face that I thought was hers.

She started crying, and fuck was I panicking as I cut her loose with my dull kitchen knife. Thank God, when she ran, I caught her, because if I hadn’t been able to calm her down, I don’t know what would have happened if she had gone home in that state.

There were rope marks all over her wrists and ankles from how hard she’d fought.

Looking back, I was silly to think I’d have gotten into trouble.

Her dad was stoned out of his mind on meth most of the time, anyway.

And when he wasn’t, he simply didn’t give a shit about his daughter.

At least, not that I could tell. Why else would he let her run around in the woods behind our trailer until dark every day?

But even after I calmed her down, and she said there were no hard feelings, I wasn’t expecting her to come back.

I got to our meeting spot the next day, and there she was, sitting on the rock near the creek, braiding a daisy chain.

My relief was short-lived. I’ll never forget the way she looked at me, an impassive, calculating light in her blue eyes as she put that crown on her head and informed me in her most regal voice that today, she was a queen, and I was the bandit who would kidnap her.

That was the day we stopped playing games and began indulging in fantasies.

The darker, the better.

…I wasn’t fucking done…

I wasn’t either, Haven, but Christ, you scared the living shit out of me when your eyes rolled up like that and I thought you’d stopped breathing.

That I’d choked you out.

If I’d held on just a little longer, she would be dead right now.

If I’d fought Ezra just a little longer all those years ago, he’d be dead too.

But I’m not sure that’s what I really wanted, then or now.

Killing someone takes balls, sure, but a lot of planning, too. It’s usually the guys who off someone in the heat of the moment that go to jail. If I’m going to kill someone, I won’t get caught.

If I’m going to suffer, it might as well be as a free man.