Page 90 of Broken Beyond Repair

“I know you feel the same way. I can see it in your eyes.”

Beatrice turned away from Sydney’s gaze. “I don’t get to feel that, Sydney. My life is not my own.”

“Who’s saying that? This Beatrice…” Sydney stepped forward, placing her hand on Beatrice’s heart.

She inhaled sharply at her touch.

“Or this Beatrice?” Sydney stepped back and gesticulated towards her with her hand.

She wanted to call Sydney back to her, but the words wouldn’t come out; weren’t allowed to be spoken.

“Which one are you… really?”

Beatrice had no answer. All she wanted was to end her pain; In reality, it hadn’t even begun.

“It’s your life, Beatrice. Only you get to choose. Don’t hide behind an imaginary wall because you’re scared of what might happen. You’ll get stuck there, on the wrong side. The opposite side to where I am. We’ve not been in each other’s company for long, and already I don’t know how to exist without you.”

“And I don’t know how to exist with you.”

Jonathon stepped forward. “The car’s ready to take you to the plane, ma’am.”

Beatrice took a step forward and pulled Sydney into her. A parting hug was all she could give her. “I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be,” she whispered into her ear.

“I want you to be you, Beatrice,” Sydney exhaled in desperation.

Beatrice wrenched herself back even though her body ached to stay pressed to her.

“My career is all I have; it’s the only thing that hasn’t let me down. I can’t be the one to let it down.”

“I won’t let you down either,” Sydney pleaded.

“Everyone lets me down eventually,” Beatrice said, wiping a tear from Sydney’s eye with her thumb. “Especially those I trust most.”

Not waiting for a response, fearful she may be unable to maintain her own composure, she turned and headed back through the door to catch her flight.

Only once ensconced in her pod in the first-class cabin did she look back to the terminal.

The attendant twitched her head as she placed a glass of pre-take-off champagne on her table. “Are you okay, madam? You look very pale.”

“I have the feeling I may have left something important behind.”

“I always have that feeling. It usually passes somewhere over the Atlantic.” The attendant flashed a warm smile and moved along to the next seat.

Flying commercial was the right choice. The low-level chatter from her fellow passengers was enough to bring some distraction. She didn’t need to be alone on a charter flight now, in the quiet where she could hear her heart breaking.

CHAPTER33

Beatrice sat in the waiting room of what she was assured was the best clinic in Beverly Hills. She resented waiting, but the doctor came so well recommended by her newest PA, Connie, who so far had shown competence beyond all her previous assistants — bar one — that she sucked it up.

Her hands wrestled with each other in her lap. If she let them go, they would shake, and she didn’t need to attract the attention of anyone in the waiting area. So far, her sunglasses and baseball cap were doing a superb job of disguising her. She crossed her legs and wiggled her foot. What was taking so long? With filming completed on her current film a month ago, she was on a punishing schedule in the States and the UK to promote her book alongside her current film release. There was no time for waiting.

“Miss Russell, you can go in now.”

About time!

“Good afternoon, Miss Russell. Please sit.”

The doctor gestured to the chair opposite him as if she hadn’t been to a doctor’s office before and had no idea where to sit. It earned him a roll of the eyes, which he missed anyway since he didn’t even bother to look at her.