Page 14 of Broken Beyond Repair

Sam sighed, and Sydney worried she may be asking too much reassurance from him. “What did you do except give me the space I needed to get myself together?” he asked with firmness. “You’re right, any changes I was going to undertake with myself would have been done with you in the forefront of my mind, worrying about how it would affect you.”

Sydney nodded. “Right. That wasn’t the way to do it.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was something I needed to do for myself alone. I couldn’t continue trying to make you comfortable at my own expense. We were great together, but I couldn’t set myself on fire to keep you warm. I’m just sorry we didn’t find a way to keep in touch.”

“Yeah,” Sydney said, feeling emotion well up as she met Sam’s eyes. “That’s on me.”

“Hey now,” he said. “We had a good few years together.”

Sydney sniffed. “The best.” She surveyed her ex’s appearance before stating, “You really do look great. It suits you, not that you didn’t look great before.”

“Thanks. Sorry about these.” Sam cupped his hands around his pecks. “I know you were a fan.”

Sydney laughed. “The biggest.”

“I didn’t need surgery to survive, but I certainly needed it to thrive. I finally feel connected to myself now.”

Sydney stilled, taking in the enormity of what Sam was telling her without saying it directly.

As if reading her mind, Sam added, “It takes time to get used to it all. Even I grieved in my own way.”

Sydney nodded, appreciating his honesty and patience to make her feel better when he didn’t have to.

Sam unscrewed his bottle of water and took a sip. “So, you’ve not settled down yet? You are getting on a bit. I’m sure the nomadic lifestyle was cute in your late twenties; it looks a bit sad in your thirties,” he teased.

“Hey!” Sydney gave him a soft punch to his upper arm. “I’ve not met anyone to ground me anywhere. Who could compete with Gertie anyway? Even you struggled. And she likes to be on the road, though she’s not suited to it at the moment.”

“What’s up with her this time? Honestly, I can’t believe you’ve managed to keep her going on that old engine.”

“I know her foibles well enough. Lately…” Sydney shook her head. “She’s been running rough, rougher than normal, and flaked out on me a few times. She’s just hit 120,000 miles.”

“Bloody hell, Syd. I can tell you the poor girl’s knackered without even looking. Those engines were never built to do that. I could try and find a second-hand Subaru engine for her, get her up and running again.”

“Are you sure? That’s a lot to ask.”

“It might take a week or two to hunt one down, so you’ll have to bring her back.”

“I really don’t want to impose, Sam.”

“It’s fine. It’s the height of summer; every boat owner is out on the water. I only have a few jobs booked in. Plus, I don’t want anyone else’s hands inside her. You’ll also need a flywheel and…”

“Yeah, I know the score. I also know how much it will cost.” Sydney exhaled and played with the lid of her water bottle. “I could have done with a job to pay for it all.”

“I thought you were taking the summer off.”

“That was the plan. I just wanted a bit of me time. A chance to get a few words down.”

Sydney stretched back in her chair and let the sun bake into her skin. Was she going to have to forgo some time off again? Gertie was what mattered, and if Sam was offering to fix her, then there was no one else better to do that. He’d spent enough time under her flap to sort her out.

“Still not a famous author then?” he asked.

“One day… maybe…?” She sighed. “Never. If I can just stop the relenting day job long enough and find the balls to publish something.”

“Balls? I’ve got a good contact for those.”

Sydney laughed. “You can keep it.”

Sam fixed her with a sobering look. “You enjoy it, though, your job? I hope you do.”