Page 79 of Brewer Family Collection, Part 1

Jason

M y socks are damp.

I shake my head at the random thought. Overstimulation causes the mind to focus on the oddest things. But damp socks? That’s a new one.

It’s been pouring since I left Tennessee. The day turned bleaker the farther south I flew, as if in warning that the day would only get worse. I’m taking my chances. After my interaction with Chloe after I told her I love her, I’m not sure how much worse it can get.

I take a seat in the third booth as the guard beside the door instructed me when I came in. The room’s clean, yet I don’t want to touch anything. The smell burns my nostrils. It’s not so much the scent itself that’s horrible, but more the lack of anything familiar.

I immediately think of Chloe and how she sniffs every bottle of cologne in my bathroom. She leaves her favorites in the front of the shelf, so I’ll choose them over the ones she doesn’t favor. If it meant making her happy, I’d toss every one she doesn’t love.

But that might mean tossing myself out, too.

My chest pulls tight, and I force my wife out of my head. I must focus on the task at hand. I get one try to get this right. I’ll figure out Chloe when I’m done.

A door squeals, and then I see him. Dad shuffles into the room.

His hair is whiter than I remember, and he’s much thinner than before. He looks small in the drab-colored jumpsuit as he lifts his eyes to mine.

My hands flex at my sides as I search for humanity in his face—anything to quell this overwhelming need to make him pay for his crimes.

He sits across from me, groaning as he collapses into the chair. On the other side of the plastic wall, he looks like a little old man.

“You look like shit,” I say.

Dad nods, sitting up straight. “You look good, Jason.”

“Cut to the chase. You didn’t ask me to come all this way to tell me I look good.”

He sighs. “Can we take this easy?”

“No, motherfucker, we can’t.”

My tone is sharp and pointed. I want him to know I’m angry and to understand the pain he’s caused us all. Not that I think he’ll care, but just in case.

“Why am I here?” I ask, resting my elbows on the cool metal table in front of me.

Dad just stares at me, unblinking.

“Okay, fine. I’ll say what I need to say, and then I’ll go.

” I hold his gaze and refuse to let go. “I didn’t come here for you.

I didn’t come here to make you feel better, or to give you closure, or to hear your excuses.

And you better believe that I didn’t come here because you refused to cooperate until you got your way. ”

“Then why did you come?”

My heart leaps in my throat, my emotions for Chloe clouding my brain. She’s why I came .

I think about her smile and sweet laugh.

The memory of her with Arlo is seared into my mind.

I remember the way she slurps her iced tea and the taste of her terrible lasagna, which I don’t have the heart to tell her was basically inedible.

More than anything, I think about all the memories we have yet to make.

My anger doesn’t fade, but it does begin to twist into something else.

Seeing my father on the other side of the prison wall doesn’t make up for what he’s done—not by a long shot—but it does feel …

complete. It’s as if the energy I’ve wasted on this man is now freed.

Like I can put it all to bed and move on.

“Do you know what I did today?” I ask.

He shakes his head.

“I stood beside my brother as he became a father.”

Dad’s brows rise. “Renn?”

I don’t dignify him with an answer. “I stood next to him and watched him welcome his little boy into the world. It was one of the wildest experiences of my life. I had the honor of being there, of encouraging him when he was nervous, and hugging him when he was scared. I built him up and reminded him what a good man he was and what an amazing father he was going to be—something you should’ve done. ”

Dad swallows hard. “Did Renn have a baby, Jason?”

“Then I snuck my siblings and mother into the room so everyone could love on the little guy,” I say. “I exchanged a moment of pride with Gannon, watched Ripley’s eyes water as he held his nephew, and listened to Tate crack jokes that earned a warning from Bianca to behave.”

Tears fill Dad’s eyes as he listens.

“I was there as Mom held her grandson for the first time, surrounded by her children, and helped choose the name of her first grandchild. We all celebrated the baby’s mama and made plans to take care of Renn and his family for the next few weeks.”

A solitary tear slides down his cheek.

“Then I walked my wife to her car,” I say.

“When did you get married?”

“And I kissed her and asked her what I should do about you. Should I come and see you? Or should I go home with her?” I pause, letting the wobble in my breathing stop. “And despite knowing she wanted me to go home with her, she told me to come here. And she told me to do that for me .”

He wipes his cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“I have a whole life out there,” I say. “I get to watch Bianca try to talk Foxx into getting chickens, and I golf with Gannon just to keep his confidence up because it’s the only thing he’s decent at anymore.”

Dad grins through his emotions. I keep going.

“Tate and Ripley come over for dinner and share my wife’s grandmother’s homemade pies. And Renn calls me to come to hang up televisions in his house because he’s suddenly a DIYer that can’t DIY himself out of a hardware store.”

“That sounds about right.”

A surge of emotion ripples through me, and the words lining up on my tongue aren’t what I expected them to be.

I thought I’d be lashing out at my father—telling him how much I hate him and how pathetic he is as a man.

But the truth is that he already knows that.

What he doesn’t know is that I don’t care anymore.

I sigh. “You caused a mess. You did the unforgivable—and I won’t forgive you.” My breath is shaky. “But I will thank you.”

“Jason, I’m so sorry.”

“Save it. Don’t care. I really don’t. Because when I walk out of here today, this will all be behind me.

You don’t get any more of my energy. You won’t take up any space in my head.

You can threaten me and Gannon, and you can force the mother of your children and your daughter to testify against you if that makes you feel like a man.

But you know what?” I clench my teeth so hard they crack.

“We’ll still be out there. Together. Tighter than we’ve ever been.

Sure, there may be tears, but we’ll be a family—and that’s the beauty of this whole thing.

You gave us the gift of family.” I grin. “Wild, isn’t it?”

He shifts in his seat, eyeing me warily. “I asked you to come here for this reason.”

“For what reason?”

“I don’t even hope for your forgiveness. We both know I don’t deserve it. But maybe one day we can have a conversation and I can try to explain things.”

“Or not.”

He hangs his head. “Or not.” He sighs and looks up again, a broken man in a broken body.

Pathetic. Weak. Imprisoned . “Of all my children, you were the brightest, Jason. You shined above them all. Hell, you didn’t ever need me.

You taught yourself to tie your shoes, ride a bike, and drive a car.

You could’ve done anything you wanted and chose what made you happy.

” He leans forward. “You’re a leader. You’re strong.

You’re smart and a protector. And I know if there’s any way for me to ever make peace with any of you, I’ll have to go through you first.”

“You’re damn right. And you won’t. You don’t get access to them.”

We eye one another in a strange standoff. It’s hard to see any glimpses of the man I once knew, and to some degree, that helps. But, in others, it’s harder. It’s akin to a death. While we’re all better off for that, it still comes with a heaviness that makes it hard to think.

“That’s fair,” he says quietly. “Thank you for taking care of them. Because I know as I sit here rotting away, deservedly, you’re taking care of our family.”

“ My family .”

He grins sadly. “I know they’ll be okay because they have you. And even though you hate me, rightfully so, I wanted to look you in the eye and tell you how much I respect you, kid. I’ve fucked all the way up. And you slid into my spot and became the man I never was.”

What? It takes me a minute to process what he’s saying. Or to try to, anyway. I’m going to need time to sort this shit out in my head.

“I’m going to sign the plea deal,” he says. “And my attorney will settle the rest of the disputes, and I’ll admit my responsibility. You have nothing to worry about, son.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to say thank you for doing the right thing? Because that’s funny.”

“I pray for you every night.”

“Don’t have my name in your mouth to God or anyone.” I glare at him. “Maybe He believes in second chances, but I do not.”

He balks. “That’s pretty harsh, isn’t it?”

I laugh, shoving my chair back. It screams as it claws against the floor. “I learned from the best.” Then I turn to leave.

“Jason!”

I glance over my shoulder to see tears flowing in rivers down his cheeks. I can’t even find it in me to care. I hate that. I hate that I don’t have the heart to see through his transgressions and find it in me to love him still.

But I don’t.

“I love you, Jase,” he says, his eyes red. “I’m sorry for all of this. It doesn’t fix it. Nothing can. But maybe you can have a little satisfaction that I’m dying inside.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” I smile at him for the last time. “I do.”

I turn away before he calls out again. The guards get me signed out and released from the prison quickly.

The rain pours from the sky in buckets, and the water sloshes in my shoes again. I splash through the puddles to my car and ignore the burn in my chest.

I get inside and don’t start the car. My attention goes first to Chloe. I grab my phone from the passenger’s seat and call her right away.

My heart pounds as it rings. She’s breathless when she answers.

“ Jason ,” she says. “I’ve been waiting for you to call. Are you okay?”

I sink against the seat, water dripping from my hair onto my shoulders. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting the soft whisps of her breaths settle my soul. “Thank you for encouraging me to come here.”

“Did it go okay?”

“It went as best as it could, I guess.”

She hesitates. “Jason, I’m sorry about earlier in the parking lot. I had all of these thoughts running in my head and I?—”

“I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”

“But I need to talk to you.”

“And I need to talk to you, too. But this isn’t the way to do it, Chloe.”

Panic rises in her voice. “This has been such a shock to me in so many ways. I told you I didn’t want to get married?—”

“But you did marry me. And I fell in love with you.” My voice cracks. “ Hopelessly in love with you , Chloe. I’ve fallen so fucking hard for you that I can’t breathe.”

“Jason, I?—”

Click!

The line goes dead.

“Fuck,” I growl, combing through my pockets and the glove compartment for a phone charger. But there is none.

I throw my phone in the seat beside me, the car in reverse, and try to get home as fast as I can.