Page 29

Louis

One month later

“No weapons, no knives, nothing that can hurt, okay?”

I stand by the entrance to Joshua’s house as I glare down at Lilith and her boyfriend, Asher. Despite his alleged cheating, they’ve apparently reunited.

Asher grins at me, cherubic appearance belying his roguish insides. “How about these?” He holds up a packet of fireworks. “These can hurt. If you’re creative.”

“Leave them outside; the countdown is far away yet.”

The few hours until midnight are enough for these two troublemakers to get drunk or high out of their minds. As usual, I’m tasked with making sure this New Year’s Eve doesn’t devolve into the chaos of a few years ago, when someone famously shot a rocket into Joshua’s garage and splintered the roof. There won’t be any overdoses either—not on my watch.

Asher sets his box of fireworks next to the others on the porch, and I step aside to let him enter.

When Lilith passes my side, I grab onto her arm and lean down to hiss into her ear. “Be careful with that guy.”

“Let me go,” she hisses back. “You’re not my keeper.”

“Maybe not, but I’m Sam’s keeper, and he won’t be happy about this.”

“Whatever.” She slips from my grasp and enters the house.

“Don’t worry,” Ravi says beside me. “Fentanyl’s been hard to get lately.”

“Yeah, but that’s bound to change,” I mutter. “Where is he?”

“He?” Ravi asks. “Oh, Sparr—I mean, Sam.”

It’s been a bit of an adjustment period to think of my boy as Sam instead of Sparrow, and some people have a harder time than others—like Maurice, who stubbornly calls him by the name we all got to know him by, which annoys me to no end.

“How should I know where Sam is?” Ravi asks. “I’ve been here with you all night, freezing my ass off, haven’t I? He’s probably inside. Didn’t he volunteer to be a helper?”

Unfortunately, he did, and I couldn’t very well stop him.

“I have your back,” Ravi says, lighting a cigarette. “You go find your boy.”

I nod gratefully. As I zigzag through the crowd, I spot Maurice and Joshua in a heated discussion. I ignore them and make a beeline for the kitchen, and that’s where I find him. My boy.

He’s got a bottle of unopened champagne in his hand, and he’s dressed in an outfit I should have forbidden him from wearing: skintight pants, a revealing top that shows off his shoulders, and blue glitter under his eyes. He’s got company in the form of Asher and Lilith, who are fawning all over each other while he smiles politely.

A growl starts deep in my chest, and I shove away the people standing in my way until I’m right up in the trio’s personal space.

Asher stops talking to look up at me. “Uh…” He eyes my crossed arms and grim expression. “We were just…” He takes Lilith’s hand and points toward the living room, and Lilith sticks her tongue out at me when they pass.

“Why did you have to do that?” Sam asks, hands on his hips.

“Do what?”

“Scare them off like that.”

“I just stood here.”

“Yeah, but you’re …”

“Scary?” I ask, a smirk tugging at my lips.

“Scary hot,” Sam says with a grin. He lets go of the champagne bottle to instead wrap his arms around my neck.

I nod toward the living room. “Wasn’t she going to break up with him?”

Sam frowns. “I don’t know.”

“And I thought you were done being her friend.”

He sighs into my chest. “I’m not her friend. Not really.”

“Maybe you should tell her that.”

He lets out a quiet groan that vibrates into my skin. “I will. Someday, I promise. It’s just…I think she needs me.”

“I remember someone else who needed you, once upon a time. You remember what we did to him , right?”

Sam slaps my chest, scandalized. “Louis! She doesn’t deserve what he got.”

“Maybe not,” I say with a grin, and Sam grins back.

I should let him off the hook; he knows more about these things than I do, after all. My boy, my Sam, who despite what he’s been through wants the best for everyone and sees the good in everybody. It’s a tightrope for him to walk, I suppose—to recognize his own worth while not compromising his sympathetic nature.

Lilith will be all right, and even if she won’t, it won’t be Sam’s fault. He can set boundaries without being unkind, and if he asks me to help him, I will, but at the same time, I should have faith he’ll come to the same conclusion on his own. And I do. He’s wise, after all.

“How about him?” I nod to Asher, who’s dancing with Lilith in the living room. His blond locks bounce madly as he head bangs to a rock song with a distant smile, as if he’s somewhere far away, dreaming. Lilith grabs onto him and kisses him hard, transferring her black lipstick to his mouth.

“What about him?” Sam asks.

“Thought you said he cheated on her.”

Sam frowns. “I guess she gave him a second chance.”

“And you think Lilith seems like the kind of person to forgive and forget?”

His frown deepens, and he makes a move toward the living room. “Maybe we should keep an eye on them.”

I stop him with a grip on his waist. “I’d rather keep an eye on you.”

Sam grins and reaches to kiss me, and I wrap my arms tighter around him. I have to force myself to keep our ensuing make-out session brief and discreet, lest Maurice and Joshua barge in here and accuse me of neglecting work again. Otherwise, I would have lifted my boy onto the kitchen counter and claimed his mouth the way he deserves, and the way he’s always desperate for.

When I break the kiss, Sam’s lips are as pink as his cheeks. He opens his mouth to say something, but then his blush deepens, and he looks away. I would press him for what he was about to say, but it’s time I stop neglecting my duties.

A few hours later, it’s a minute to midnight. Fireworks are already going off like crazy, and most of the guests are outside, anticipating the countdown. It’s a good thing Nathan Antler stole that dog; it would’ve gone mad in this chaos.

Sam slides up next to me and grabs my hand, his mitten cool and soft against my skin. “Louis?”

“Yes?” I keep my eyes in front, looking out for any disturbances. Ten feet away from us, the crowd is chatting away, and Ravi is refilling a glass of champagne for a woman with high heels that sink deep into the snow. “What is it, boy?”

“Will you marry me?” Sam blurts out.

I turn my head to look down at him, and for several seconds, all I do is stare.

Sam squeezes my hand. “Well?” he asks, an anxious tilt to his voice.

I clear my throat. “Well…Do you have a ring?”

“Oh, um, yes.” He rummages around in his pocket and comes up with a small velvet box. “I don’t know if this will fit, because it’s kind of small, and your fingers are…well, not.”

The ring is made of silver, or titanium maybe, with intricate black patterns swirling around the outer edges. I try to press it onto my ring finger, but I only manage to get it past the first knuckle.

Sam’s shoulders slump. “See? I’m sorry. It’s just temporary, anyway. After I’m done with school and get a job, I’ll buy you a real one. If you want to, of course.”

At a loss for words, I stare at the ring with a smile on my lips.

“Louis?” Sam says.

“Yes.”

He stands in front of me and takes my hands in his. “Will you marry me?”

I sweep him up in my arms, and he giggles helplessly as his feet lift from the ground.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” I say, and I kiss his lovely lips, warming them up with my own.

“Were you going to cry just now?”

“What?” I choke out. “No.”

“It’s okay. No one will see; they’re all busy with the countdown. You can cry, Louis. I’m here.”

“Fuck,” I mumble into the crook of his neck, and the most satisfying, chest-heaving sob spills out of me. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too,” he whispers into my hair.

I clutch him tight, wetting his jacket with my tears. Fuck, how am I going to face the others in this state? How am I going to be able to work for the rest of the night? These red-rimmed eyes won’t intimidate anyone. Not to mention Ravi’s reaction when he finds out. You’re getting married? You’ve known him, what, a couple of months?

I’m sure he’d add that I don’t seem like the type to get married, and yeah, it might be quick, but what does it matter when it feels so right? This is just another way of merging us into one, like sex, or the torture of Aaron, and just like those things, it’s nobody’s business but ours. It’s simple.

My face might say differently, though, with the onslaught of emotions making themselves known. My eyes burn along with the rest of my face, and my arms are shaking as I grab onto Sam as if he’s my lifeline in a storm.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice muffled and half-choked from my tight embrace. “I was going to wait until you were off duty.”

“It’s okay.”

I can’t berate him for making me feel things. I want to feel emotions other than anger, even if they hurt sometimes, and Sam has taught me not to fear them. I need to be strong for him, but at the same time, I can’t be strong all the time, and he makes me feel like it’s okay. He makes me feel like everything is okay—the good and the bad and the horrible things I have done. He accepts the ugliest parts of me. He helps me be a better man.

“Ten … nine … eight … seven … six … five … four … three … two … one! Happy new year!” the crowd shouts, and the sky explodes above us in a million shining colors.

It’s a new year, with new opportunities for me to please my boy and make us the best life we can. We have to stay safe together, and I will keep us so. What we did to Aaron, I’d do a hundred times over; I’ll watch this town burn to ash before I ever see my Sam come to harm again. Every night, I bring him to bed, and every night, I enjoy his body in the gentle but firm way it’s meant to be enjoyed. He’s too beautiful to be real—too beautiful to be mine—but I’m starting to believe in the beautiful parts of life, and that the bitter parts are there to enhance the sweetness on my tongue.

As our lips meet and he swallows another sob from my throat, I hope we can find the broken parts within ourselves along with our wishes for a better future, clutch them to our chests, and bring them back home.

THE END