Page 28

Chapter 27

Sparrow

Louis gave me a promise once.

If we ever run into Aaron, I’ll kill him for you.

My hopes were scarce that he’d get to follow through on his promise, yet here we are. We’re ready.

Ravi blacks out the windows of the bar. Louis disappears into the back room and reemerges with a large toolbox I can only guess the contents of. I clear a space in front of the bar and cover the floor with a tarp, underneath which we have tied Aaron to a chair. He takes his sweet time to wake up, which leaves us plenty of time to get ready.

“Try not to make too much of a mess,” Ravi mutters. Cigarette in his mouth, he retreats toward the exit. “I’ll keep watch. I doubt even Chief Hastings will look between his fingers if he finds out.”

There’s a groan, then a creek from the chair in the middle of the room. Aaron’s eyes open as slits first before they shoot open wide.

Louis opens the toolbox in front of him before he turns to me, and our eyes meet. We still have a lot to unpack between us, but this takes priority for now. United in understanding, we turn toward my foster brother.

My greatest tormentor. The lover who gave me no love at all.

His lips are tight, jaw clenched and determined as he stares at us.

“Finally awake?” Louis says. “Good. We’re about to start.”

“Start what?” Aaron snaps. I can tell he’s trying to keep it together, but when Louis moves toward him, he starts squirming in his restraints. His chest heaving, his crazed eyes search the room for a means of escape but find none.

Louis picks a knife from the toolbox, drags a chair to Aaron’s side, and sits down, legs wide. Aaron jerks when Louis lays the flat of the knife on the side of his throat and points the tip to me.

“You see him, yeah?” Louis mumbles darkly into Aaron’s ear. “The prettiest boy you’ve ever laid eyes on?”

Aaron glares at me where I stand somewhat awkwardly in front of them.

“From what I’ve heard, you’ve hurt him quite a bit,” Louis continues.

Aaron snorts. “Hurt him? He fucking wanted it, he—”

Louis angles the knife, and Aaron flinches as the sharp part digs in. “Did I say you could talk?” With an almost tenderness to his voice, he adds, “You should apologize to him, don’t you think?”

“Apologize?” Aaron huffs madly, snot and spit flying everywhere. “What do I have to apologize for? I saved him. I took care of him when no one else would. I was the only one who cared about him and who he was. Isn’t that right, Sparrow? Didn’t I care for you?”

His audacity should take me aback, but I just smile and shake my head.

“You didn’t care for me. All you did was hurt me.”

“I saved you,” Aaron snarls. “I should’ve let my friends fuck the shit out of you that one time, remember? I should’ve let them have your worthless holes and fill your emptiness with something of value for once. But now you have him to do that for you, I guess,” he adds, sending Louis a glare. “You think he’ll take care of you, this animal? You think he’ll hold you and protect you like I did?”

I shake my head. “No. He won’t be like you. He won’t be anything like you.”

“Remember the times you couldn’t keep your hands off me? Remember how you begged me to— arghhh !” His voice cuts off in a snarl of pain when Louis plunges the knife into his lower thigh.

My chest sings with satisfaction at the sight. I’ve never felt like this before, except maybe when I was slicing Eric with the knife or peppering the target with bullets. But all that was fear-filled and crazed. Uncontrolled.

I’m not scared now. I’m fucking thriving.

Aaron keeps screaming until Louis pulls the knife out. I watch the blood seep from the wound and drip to the tarp on the floor.

“You stole a lot from him, didn’t you?” Louis yanks Aaron’s head back up with a vicious grip on his hair. “I think it’s time for you to give a couple of things back. What do you want me to take from him, sweetheart?” he asks, addressing me.

My gaze fixes on Aaron’s clenched fists. I remember how he hurt me with those fists, how he humiliated me with his skillful fingers inside me. How he made me beg, how he made me come. How he made me suffer.

“A finger. Cut off a finger.”

Louis smiles—a slow, cruel smile. “Only one?” He studies the blade, and it glints in the dim lighting.

“W-Wait!” Aaron screams as Louis’s strong hand easily pries his clenched fist open. “Sparrow, please!”

“We’ll start with the pinky, okay?” Louis says. “Then we’ll work our way up. Pinky is not that bad. You’ll see.”

All I can do is watch in amazement as Louis bends Aaron’s pinky to lay flat on the armrest. As the knife closes in, Aaron starts panting madly, his eyes widening in fear as he stares at the knife inching closer and closer to his flesh.

“No, please! Stop! Stop!”

I begged you to stop, but you never obeyed me. And I won’t obey you.

“Sparrow, Sparr— aarrghh !”

My own fists clench at my sides. Yeah, say my name, you bastard. Beg for your life.

I can’t believe I used to love this man. Compared to the man standing next to him, he’s nothing but an insect.

Louis places the finger neatly onto the table, and blood seeps into the wood. I hope Ravi won’t be angry about that.

Aaron wails and thrashes madly, as far as possible with his restrained limbs, making the chair tilt backward.

“Shut the fuck up and sit still,” Louis hisses into his ear.

Aaron is gasping and crying, snot and tears dripping down his nose. I recognize myself in his expression. The first time he shoved himself inside me, I cried out from the pain. After that, I stared at the sudsy water until I felt numb instead.

I don’t want him to feel numb; I want him to feel everything.

“Come here, baby,” Louis says, beckoning me closer.

I step in front of Aaron. Louis gets up from the chair, lines himself up to my back, and cups my face in his bloody hand.

“Look at this beautiful boy again. Really look at him. See? He’s mine.”

A finger slides across my lips, and the taste of blood seeps over my tongue as I lick the pad of Louis’s thumb.

Given the circumstances and my unresolved anger at Louis, my cock filling up in my pants should come as a surprise, perhaps, but it feels as right as everything else that has transpired here so far.

I can’t erase the years I was under Aaron’s mercy, but the greatest revenge would be to show him how another man pleasures me, and not just anyone. Louis. My Louis.

I turn around, slide my hands around his shoulders, and stand on my tippy-toes to slip my tongue into his mouth.

“You’re fucking insane,” Aaron whimpers behind me.

If he thinks this is insane, he hasn’t seen anything yet.

Louis groans, getting the memo straight away. He lifts me by my thighs, turns us to the table, and lays me gently down on my back. I crane my head to the side, and I’m so close to Aaron we nearly touch. I smile at him—a crazed, adrenaline-fueled smile. A vengeful smile.

“Fuck,” Aaron whines, squeezing his eyes shut and turning away.

Louis leans over and grabs his face. “You’re going to watch this, motherfucker. Every single second of it. You’re going to see how good I fuck him, and how much he enjoys it. You heard me?”

Aaron swallows.

“You heard me?” Louis repeats.

“Yes,” Aaron whimpers.

Louis unbuckles my jeans. He does it gently, carefully, all attention now turned to me. Once he’s got me naked, he parts my thighs, gets down on his knees, and swallows my cock into his mouth. I don’t even have to act to show Aaron how much I enjoy it.

“I did that to you too,” Aaron whispers.

“Yeah,” I gasp, voice strained with pleasure, “but not as good as…mmm…Louis does it.”

The fact that I’m not yet sure where we stand after our fight just makes this even hotter. That he didn’t hesitate. That he wanted it as badly as I did.

He pulls off and slathers his fingers in saliva. “You didn’t know how to appreciate him,” he says as he pries a finger into my hole. “But I do. That’s why he chose me.”

As I ride this adrenaline-fueled crazy train, the lack of proper lube doesn’t even bother me. When Louis slides another finger inside, I grin at Aaron, who’s still ugly crying and glaring at me with hatred in his eyes.

“He needs a lot of attention, see?” Louis mumbles. “Did you ever even make him come?”

“I did. Tell him, Sparrow.”

Louis snorts. “Bet you never made him come as hard as this.”

His fingers find my prostate, and he swallows my cock back into his mouth. I let out a shout as my balls tighten, and Louis’s hot mouth has me coming before I’ve even realized I was close. He swallows it all before he scoops me up in his arms, and I fall languidly onto his chest.

“See?” he mumbles. “That’s how you make him come.”

“Fucking psychos,” Aaron spits.

While I’m still floating on the heady wave of my orgasm, a giggle builds deep in my chest until I burst into laughter.

“Yeah, pretty funny, isn’t it?” Louis whispers into my ear. There’s a rustle of clothes, and the next thing I know, I’m naked in his lap, his hard cock rubbing between my cheeks, precum slick and warm against my hole.

“Put it in,” I whine. “Please, put it in.”

Louis lines himself up and presses into me, and I whimper with the oversensitive pleasure-pain.

“Are you watching him?” I ask, back turned to Aaron.

“Yeah,” Louis grunts. “Yeah, I’m watching the little fucker. I’m gonna make him watch your ass drip with my cum.”

“Oh fuck,” I whimper as Louis tilts me forward and slams me back on his shaft. His strong hands part my ass to give Aaron a grade A view of his cock going in and out.

“Turn around and look at him, baby,” Louis whispers.

I obey, twisting my head back at Aaron. Louis pushes his fingers into my mouth, and I moan with the pressure against my tongue as I meet Aaron’s disturbed glare.

“See how obedient he can be,” Louis says.

Aaron grits his teeth. “He used to obey me too.”

“Yeah, but I bet he didn’t enjoy it. See how sweet he can be when he does.”

Louis grabs hold of my legs and flips me around as if I weigh nothing. Then he stands up and spreads my legs, holding me up with his hands in the crooks of my knees. With his cock still buried inside my ass, he carries me toward Aaron until I’m right in front of him.

“Want to come on his face?” Louis asks.

“Yeah,” I moan. “Please.”

It’s not the most comfortable position, but I don’t care, and my cock doesn’t either. With me suspended in the air and used like a rag doll by Louis’s much stronger body while his hairy chest rubs against my back and his cock pummels my ass, all it takes is a couple of thrusts. I let out a loud moan as Louis pumps another orgasm out of me, the sight of Aaron’s bewildered and distraught expression below. My cock twitches between my legs, shooting wildly. It’s not like I can aim all that well, but a couple of drops land on Aaron’s face nonetheless, and he lets out a disgusted snort.

“Oh fuck, baby,” Louis grunts. He keeps slamming into me, and despite the oversensitivity from my two orgasms, my hole swallows him up, greedy as ever. “I’m going to come inside him now,” Louis growls to Aaron. “Gonna fill him up. And you’re going to watch.”

He holds back nothing—not the violent snap of his hips nor his animalistic groans, and I rock helplessly back and forth on his cock as he shoots his cum deep inside me. We moan in unison, accompanied by Aaron’s pathetic sobs.

Louis kisses my neck. “There you go.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. “Thank you for coming inside me.”

“You’re welcome.”

He pulls out of me gently before he lifts me back onto the table. I land on all fours, and Louis flips me around until my ass is facing Aaron again. Then he spreads my cheeks to expose my sore, pulsating hole. His rough hands spread me so wide it’s almost painful, but I love it.

“Remember what I promised?” he asks, addressing Aaron this time, and when Aaron just groans, Louis reaches over and slaps his cheek. “Tell me.”

Aaron whimpers like an injured dog at the slap. “You promised to…m-make me watch your cum drip out of his hole.”

“That’s right,” Louis says, and his thumbs press against my abused rim as he whispers, “Push out for him, baby.”

I bear down, and a stream of Louis’s cum trickles out of my hole. The feeling is soothing and calm—a release of its own.

“Beautiful sight, isn’t it?” Louis mumbles. “He loves to keep it inside like this.” He catches a drop with his finger, smearing it over my hole before pushing the finger back inside, and I moan gratefully. “But with you, I bet he couldn’t wait to be rid of your worthless seed.”

“Shut up,” Aaron cries. “Shut up, shut up!”

I hear him thrashing in his restraints. I turn my head to look at him, and as he meets my eyes, his are burning—with hate, fear, or something else.

Louis pets my hair and strokes my cheek, and I lean toward his hands, nudging my face into his palms like a happy dog.

Louis smiles. “See? This is how to satisfy him. This is how to make sure he never leaves you like he did your pathetic ass.”

“Please let me go now,” Aaron whines.

“Not until you’ve apologized,” Louis says. “That’s what this is about, remember?”

Aaron grits his teeth and looks away, and Louis turns his attention back to me.

“Look how beautiful he is when he’s gotten what he deserves,” he says, eyes glittering with pride as he gazes down at me. “What does it feel like to know you’ll never get to touch him again?”

Aaron hangs his head. “Please. Just let me go.”

“Not before you’ve admitted you don’t deserve him.”

“I don’t deserve him,” Aaron whispers. “Please. Please.”

“You never did.”

“I never did.”

Louis’s voice darkens. “Admit you deserve death for what you did to him.”

Aaron grits his teeth, his whole body shaking along with his head. “No. No, please.”

Louis lets go of me and stands upright to face my foster brother. “Seems you haven’t learned your lesson yet.”

“No, please!” Aaron yells. “I’ll do anything, just let me go!”

“Apologize,” Louis growls, and he pinches the bloody stump of Aaron’s cut-off finger.

“Fuuuuck!” Aaron wails. “Fuck, please wait!”

I slide off the table and get to my feet on wobbling legs. “Wait for what?”

I’m so close to Aaron he could suck my cock. He’s crying again—fat tears rolling down his pathetic face. I bring my hand between my legs and catch a drop of cum from my hole. I slather my hand on Aaron’s cheek, pushing a mixture of his tears and Louis’s cum into his mouth.

“Suck.”

With a muffled groan and frightened eyes, Aaron catches the pad of my finger with his tongue, and he sucks. I press two, then three fingers into his mouth, pushing them so deep he gags.

He whimpers wordlessly once I’ve pulled the fingers out. “I’m sorry, Sparrow,” he sobs. “I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t kill me.”

“Kill you?” I ask with a smile. “Oh, we won’t kill you. We’re not animals. Right, Louis?”

I look back at my lover, and the gaze we exchange is so charged, so electric, that I can barely resist jumping back up into his lap. Instead, I go to him and take his hand.

Naked as the day we were born, we watch as sobs rack Aaron’s body. He’s staring at us, fearing us.

Fearing me.

He’s afraid of me. The realization strikes me with a satisfaction so intense it sends shivers up my spine. He’s afraid of what I can do to him. He’s afraid of my strength—the one quality I never had in life, the one quality I thought would be hidden from me for good. Now I have it. Thanks to Louis, I have it.

Louis picks a small knife from the toolbox and places it in my outstretched hand.

“No,” Aaron sobs, his voice escalating to screams as I approach. “No, no!”

I don’t want to kill him. I want to fucking break him .

I barely remember how we get home.

I recall sitting in a warm car.

I recall nuzzling into Louis’s arms and falling asleep right away.

His warmth is gone when I wake up. Still a bit dazed from sleep, I rise from the bed and drag my feet into the living room.

Louis stands shirtless by the stove. It’s strange how he can do something so mundane after what we did last night, though given his profession, maybe it’s not so strange for him. It should be strange to me, but the more I think about it, the more right it feels.

The box is where I left it on the coffee table. I look forward to watching TV with it always in sight. Maybe the contents are going to rot if they stay inside the box though…Realistically we should bury it in the yard or something, but there’s no way Aaron is going to tattle on us, anyway. His shame will prevent him, and if not that, then the risk of our retaliation—ours as well as the Black Claws’.

The memories come back to me frame by frame. After we were done with him, we patched him up somewhat—just enough so he wouldn’t bleed out—and Ravi dropped him off at the hospital. Knowing Aaron, he’ll be on his way out of town as soon as he can.

But the man who leaves this town won’t be the same as the man who entered it.

Louis and I stole something precious from him, and now he won’t be able to hurt anyone else the way he hurt me. We let him live, however, and it’s more than he deserves. You could say we’re even.

Louis and I eat in silence as we often do. Outside the window, a couple of birds are pecking at the bird feeder Louis must have put up. The snow will come soon, I think.

“We should talk,” Louis says once he’s finished his plate.

“About what?” I ask distractedly, still gazing out the window. “About him?” I point to the box on the coffee table. Thoughts of Aaron used to make my insides shrivel up in fear, but now they almost make me giggle.

“No. About us. About our fight.”

I suck my lower lip between my teeth. “Okay.”

It’s fair, I suppose. I’m still mad at him for lying, but what he did for me yesterday far outweighed his mishaps, at least temporarily.

Louis scratches his beard and runs an agitated hand through his scraggly hair. “I have something to tell you.”

“Okay, but can we move to the couch first? I want to be close to it.”

Louis stares at me for a second, then he sends his head back in a laugh.

“What?” I ask, a little peeved.

“I knew you were messed up and a bit deranged,” he says with glittering eyes, “but I didn’t know you were my kind of deranged.”

“But you like me like that, right?”

Louis rises to stand next to me, and he scrunches up my hair. “Yeah. I like you like that.”

I smile up at him, anticipating a kiss or something more, but all he does is go sit on the couch. When I sit next to him, his face stiffens into the grim expression I know so well.

“I want to tell you about Justin,” he says.

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

“How did you know?”

My cheeks heat up. “I…might have checked some of your photographs.”

His jaw clenches. “I’ll have to punish you for that later.”

Yes, please. The urge is so strong that I almost beg him to do it now.

“Focus,” he says. “This is important, okay?”

“I am focused,” I say, and I fold my legs underneath me, hands resting on my thighs.

“As you probably can figure out, Justin broke up with me,” Louis says.

“That’s all?”

“No, that’s not all. He broke up with me because I hit him.”

My eyes widen. “Like … on purpose?”

“Yes.” Louis rubs his hand across his face, scowling. “No. Yes and no. He’d been flirting with other guys all night. We got home drunk, and he started rubbing it in, and I…I snapped. I hit him. And the look in his eyes…” Louis shakes his head. “I’ve never seen anyone I loved look that distraught or that afraid of me. But last night, it happened again.”

I look down in my lap, fidgeting with my thumbs.

“You told me I hurt you,” Louis says. “Can I see?” He gestures for me to lift my shirt, and I do. Hunching closer to me, he inspects my upper arms, where bruises have started to form from when he gripped me so hard I couldn’t get away.

“Sparrow, I…” His breath catches in his throat. “I never meant to do this to you. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Justin either; I was just so… angry , and sometimes I can’t control that anger. My enforcing gigs help because they allow me to let that anger out on people who deserve it. But Justin didn’t deserve it, you didn’t deserve it, and there’s no excuse for what I did. I’m so sorry.” He hangs his head and looks at his hands—his beautiful, huge, callused hands. “My father used to beat my mom. I watched it happen, yet I did nothing. I didn’t save her, and when she died, I didn’t even avenge her.” His voice breaks, and he hides his face in his hands.

I cover his hands with mine and gently pry them away. “You avenged me. You avenged me, Louis.”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and when he speaks, his voice is steady and determined. “We both did.”

He’s right. When I think of Aaron now, I don’t see his cruel smiles or feel his body hurting mine. Instead, I hear his screams of terror; I see his dripping blood. The box on the coffee table will serve as a constant reminder, as will the man by my side.

No one will dare hurt me as long as I’m with him, and now I know what he’ll do to anyone who tries. He may be a violent man, but his violence is meant to protect those who need to be protected, and I see the same understanding in his eyes.

He can rest easy now, knowing he did what he could for me—that he helped me, that he avenged me—and even if he’ll still go to hell if there is one, I’ll go right down with him.

He sucks in a breath. “About what you said, about Nathan Antler, he…He didn’t deserve me taking advantage of him like that, and I was stupid and selfish for doing what I did. I’m sorry.”

“You should tell him all this.”

Louis gives a dissatisfied snort. “I guess I should. I didn’t even mean what I said to you last night, I was just…”

“I know.” The fault lies partly on me, I suppose; I overestimated Louis’s thoughtfulness about consent, but I was just so desperate to believe he was a perfect human being. Perfect for me. And he still is; he’s just…flawed.

“I’m supposed to be the older one,” he says. “How come you’re so wise?”

“Maybe I’m not wise,” I say playfully. “Maybe it’s you who’s a little bit dumb.”

His eyes widen. “What did you just say to me?”

“Just that you’re a little slow, you know,” I say with a shrug. “Slow to get things.”

He bunches up my hair in one hand and grips it tight. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to, boy.”

“I’m talking to you, Louis,” I say breathily, head tipped back and eyes half-lidded. “My Louis.”

“Yours, huh?” He sweeps his hand to my jaw and puts two knuckles under my chin, tilting my face up.

“I had to practically beg you to fuck me that first time, remember?”

“I remember,” he says with that wolfish grin of his.

“And you told me to leave you yesterday, and that was pretty dumb if you ask me.” I turn my face and kiss his open palm. “We could have just talked about it like we’re doing right now.”

“Well…” Louis clenches his jaw and looks away. “I was ashamed. And I was scared.”

“I know. I was too.”

“Does this mean you’re not anymore? Scared?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re not scared of me?”

“I was never scared of you,” I begin, but when Louis gives me a pointed look, I admit, “Okay, maybe a little.”

“How about now?” In one swift motion, Louis grabs hold of me, lifts me into his lap, and kisses me hard, hands tight around my waist.

I let out a gasped whine, more of a sob, and Louis stops kissing me abruptly.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurting?”

“No. I’m just…happy.” A giggle bursts up my throat, and I say it; it just slips out of me. “I love you.” Our foreheads touch, and Louis sighs deeply into my mouth.

“I love you too. Fuck, I love you too.”

Tears spring to my eyes, and I think this, this is how it’s supposed to be: my tongue in my lover’s mouth, his strong hands wrapped tightly around my waist, and all the truths between us laid bare and raw at our feet.

At least that’s until my phone starts ringing. At first, we ignore it and keep making out, but then it rings again, buzzing so incessantly that it takes me completely out of the moment.

I bend over the coffee table and look at the screen. It’s Lilith.

She rarely calls me, and certainly not twice. Something must have happened.

I answer. “Yes?”

“Sparrow?” Lilith says in a raspy voice at the other end of the line. “Are you there?”

I crawl out of Louis’s lap to sit beside him. “I’m here.”

“I…I didn’t know who to call.” Her voice sounds thin and uncertain and wholly unlike herself.

“What’s wrong?”

She swallows thickly.

“Lilith?”

“Can you come here, please?” she asks. “I’m at the dorm.” And with that, she hangs up.

“What was that about?” Louis asks.

I stare at the screen in confusion for a moment. “Lilith. She…I think she needs my help.”

Louis grunts wordlessly. I’m sure he’ll tell me to ignore her; he doesn’t like her very much, after all, and altruism has never been a dominant feature of his, except when it comes to me. But then he nods in determination and rises from the couch.

“I’ll drive you.”

He drops me off by the entrance to the dorms. “Come home when you’re ready. I’ll be there.”

I unmount the bike and lean in to kiss his cheek. “Okay.”

I find Lilith on the bed in our dorm room. Her pallid complexion is covered in a sheen of cold sweat, and she looks miserable, with dark circles under her eyes and a pained expression on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Are you ill?”

“What do you think?” she snaps, shivering and shaking under the covers. “I’m in fucking withdrawal.”

“Oh.”

I knew she was doing drugs, but I didn’t know to what extent. I guess this explains the times she looked sick and unlike herself. I would ask her why she takes that stuff in the first place, but the truth is I already know. I can’t judge her for wanting to feel good; I’ve gone to quite extreme measures myself for the same result.

“Do you need anything?” I trudge further into the room, uncertain as to what exactly I’m supposed to do. “Water?”

“No, that’s not why I called you.” She pats the side of the bed. “Come here. Let’s watch a movie or something.”

I take off my shoes and jacket and sit on the bed next to her, and she opens a laptop over the covers.

“Why didn’t you call Asher?” I ask—a fair question, I think, but Lilith shoots me a thunderous glare.

“That asshole fucking cheated on me. Made out with a girl at a party last weekend.”

“With who?”

“Hell if I know! Some bitch from his class. Savannah told me.”

“Well, have you talked to him about it?”

She shakes her head.

“In that case…How can you be so sure Savannah was telling the truth? It could all just be a misunderstanding.”

Lilith tilts her head. “You’re sweet, you know. But vengeance can be pretty sweet too.”

“Vengeance?”

I know the sweetness of vengeance better than anyone. I’ve felt its syrupy taste on my tongue; I’ve heard its cries like music in my ears. And I don’t think I’m quite as sweet as Lilith seems to think.

“If you won’t talk to him, what are you going to do?” I ask. “Break up with him?” If they break up, maybe she’ll lay off the drugs, at least.

She stares darkly into space. “We’ll see.”

She looks ominous enough that I want to pry for more, but even if I did, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t tell me.

“Anyway.” She perks up and sits up straighter. “Any recent run-ins with your psycho ex?”

I can’t tell her the truth; if I give her the slightest hint of there being more to the story, she won’t rest until she’s wrung me dry.

“Not really.” Lying comes more easily than it used to. I even manage a careless shrug as I add, “I guess he must have left town.”

That last part isn’t exactly a lie; once he’s healed up, I’m sure he will.

“Hm.” Lilith bores her gaze into mine for a moment before she sighs and leans back. “Lucky you. Anyway, what are we watching?” She scrolls through a streaming app and settles on Finding Nemo . As the intro plays, she cuddles up to me under the covers. “I might cry, but if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

Her voice is so flat that I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not. That’s just the thing with Lilith; she treats me all right when it suits her, but for the most part, I’m nothing but a source of amusement and ridicule for her. I’m “so fucking weird” and “lucky I’m cute.” She’s barely better than my high school bullies. When I first got to know her a few months ago, I thought nothing of it because people always treated me in similar ways or even worse. But being with Louis has been another experience entirely. Louis isn’t hot and cold with me like this, except when he’s scared and insecure.

Lilith isn’t scared; she’s just mean.

I wanted to be her friend once upon a time. Once upon a time, I admired her, wanted to be like her. But just because she doesn’t see me as dirt under her boot doesn’t mean she deserves my time and trust. It doesn’t mean she deserves to be my friend.

Maybe she doesn’t know how to treat people differently. Maybe she doesn’t mean to be hurtful. But that doesn’t matter.

The credits roll, and Lilith falls asleep. Before I fall asleep next to her, I text Louis that I’m staying the night and that everything is fine.

When I wake up in the morning, Lilith is sitting by her makeup station, applying foundation.

She sends me a glance over her shoulder. “I’m just trying to make myself feel better, okay? Don’t judge.”

“I’m not.” I stretch and let out a big yawn. “I think I should go. Will you be okay?”

If she’s feeling well enough to put on makeup, I figure she doesn’t need my help anymore, and I’m eager to return home to Louis.

“I won’t keep you,” Lilith says, but I can’t help but notice a tinge of hurt in her tone. As I’m putting my shoes back on, she adds, “You should come around more often, you know. It’s lonely in here without you.”

“You could get another roommate.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Don’t think so. They wouldn’t be as cute as you, anyway.” She gets up from the bed and gives me a hug. She smells like roses and moonlight, and her hair is glossy against my cheek. “They wouldn’t be as kind as you either.”

I return the hug stiffly with one arm. I was about to tell her we can’t be friends anymore, but after what she just said, I don’t have the heart to. Doesn’t mean I’ll let her walk all over me again though.

“Go on.” She nods toward the door. “Go ahead and meet with your guy. Leave me here to be single and miserable.” She does a fake sniffle and dries a nonexistent tear. “I’ll be okay.”

I know she will. We might never become proper friends, but Lilith is a survivor, and so am I.

When I get back home, Louis is working on his bike, shirtless and with the patio door wide open. The sun blasts unfiltered into the room, and the air seems oddly motionless, as if something in our home is preventing the winter chill from reaching inside.

“Isn’t it cold?” I ask as I hang my clothes up in the hallway.

Louis wipes his hand on a dirty-looking rag. “It’s sunny.” His gaze travels over me for a moment, stopping on my fidgeting hands. “Are you okay?”

I take a step further into the room. “I’m fine. Lilith…not so much.”

“Withdrawal?”

“How did you know?”

Louis snorts. “Please. I saw it from a mile away, what that girl and her boyfriend have been up to. What did she want you for?”

“I tried to make her feel better.”

“And?”

“I think I did.”

“See?” Louis says, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “You don’t need me to take care of you. You can take care of others just fine.”

I open my mouth to protest, but maybe he’s right. There’s no desperate scramble for safety in my heart anymore—no panicked need for validation and assurance—though I’m sure those feelings will arise now and again. What I’m even surer of is my need to be close to him—how my whole body yearns for his heat, helpless to the force of the strange gravity pulling me toward him.

I wet my lips and take another step forward. “I might not need you to take care of me, but…I want you to.”

Louis inclines his head. “That’s all fine. I want that too.”

“You do?”

“Of course.”

I take a final step forward, and as he opens his arms, I throw myself into his embrace. His massive arms encase my upper body, holding me tight.

Finally . I’m home.

“Never let go,” I mumble, the coarse hairs of his chest tickling my nose. “I mean it, Louis.”

“Okay,” he whispers. “I’ll never let you go, little Sparrow.”

Sparrow. The one who gave me that name is gone. Or at least, he doesn’t live in me anymore…And I am not who I was—not in thought, body, or name.

I lean back. “Actually…I’m Sam now.”

Louis smiles, crow’s-feet crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Yeah, you are.”

We turn toward the open door, his arm around my waist and my head resting against his side. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, facing the sun.