Page 46

Crew

F orcing myself not to think about her is my own personal hell. Especially when even though she’s not around, she’s everywhere.

I can smell her.

I can hear her.

I can taste her.

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think because she’s always there. I should’ve known it’d be this way from the start. Maybe I did. Maybe I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on her.

The honorable thing to do is leave. Find a new job. Forget that I crossed every boundary I’ve ever set for myself.

Leave and forget . The thought alone leaves a lump in my throat, too big to swallow.

What worries me is the fact that since we’ve gotten back, everything’s been quiet. We haven’t heard from whoever is leaving the notes. And I don’t have any more of a lead than when I left.

We got back Friday. It’s been since then that I’ve allowed myself to look at her properly. Because I can’t bear looking at her without wanting to kiss her. I’m trying to keep my distance. I’m trying not to want her. But since Lydia is still in the hospital, I’ve been on duty with Liv alone all week.

Gabrielle is in the NICU. Taylor’s got enough on his plate as it is, but they invited us to meet her. The visit will be the first moment of reprieve since being back.

Just as I’m finishing up work on my computer, I hear Liv’s door open. She steps out wearing a long flowing skirt. She has a sleeveless shirt tucked into it, exposing her lean arms, and when I see her hair braided back with a silk ribbon, I force my gaze down.

“I put my schedule on the fridge. I have a wedding this Friday,” she says quietly. “My dad mentioned something about a dinner at the Rebren this weekend... and Aleks texted. We’re going to meet at the hospital to sign the last few contracts.”

I nod, closing the last few documents on my screen. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You ready?” she asks, adjusting her hair in the hallway mirror. Chesna winds herself around her legs, and in my peripheral, I watch Olivia squat down to pick her up.

“Yeah.” I gently slap my computer screen shut, sliding on my cap and grabbing my keys.

I open the door, forcing myself to linger behind as she sweeps past. Her sweet scent trails behind her, and I close my eyes, still drunk on the thought of her.

After the drive, I follow Liv through the hospital doors. I keep a watchful eye on our surroundings as we make our way to the NICU floor. We thoroughly wash our hands before the ward slides open and we see Taylor patiently waiting for us.

“Taylor!” Liv squeezes him in a hug, saying something I can’t hear.

There are dark bags beneath his eyes, but somehow, he looks more refreshed than before. “Hey,” he greets, and I squeeze him in a quick hug as he sighs. “Lydia’s inside. She’s a bit out of it, but she’s been looking forward to seeing you.”

“Are you doing alright too? You’re a dad now!”

Taylor chuckles, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “I can’t say I didn’t hope I had a little more time… But… Lydia’s safe. So is my daughter.”

“Enough said,” she beams, squeezing his shoulder. “Congratulations,” she whispers before knocking and gently pushing the door open.

“Olivia!” I hear Lydia’s voice inside, and when the door drifts shut behind them, I look to Taylor again.

“The babe’s okay?”

He huffs, rubbing his temples. “Yeah. Four months early. Connected to a machine day-in-day-out. But she’s okay.” He shakes his head, staring me down. “What about you? Your dad alright?”

“He’s mostly still bed-ridden. Mom’s happy. I’m… I’m making it.”

His eyes narrow, and he scratches his beard gingerly. “Something’s different with you.”

I don’t allow him the chance to look at me more closely before I set the tray of coffee I’ve been carrying in his awaiting hands. “I’m alright. Just wiped, man.”

Whatever he makes of the statement, he doesn’t seem keen on telling me about it. With still-narrowed eyes, he merely nods. “I’ll watch her for a bit if you need a break.”

“No,” I say immediately, but he grips my shoulder.

“Look…” he sighs. “Go home. Take a shower. Do whatever. I’ll handle this for a while.” He glances me over, and I hate that I’m practically an open book. “Looks like you could use a minute away… We’ll talk when you get back.”

I nod, refusing to glance inside and confirm the very reason we need to talk. “We definitely need to talk.”

He laughs, and I know it’s because we both know it’s long overdue. “Go.”

I search him for any sign of hesitation, and when I find none, I sigh. “You sure? Aleks is meeting her here in a bit.”

He shoves my shoulder with a smile. “Get outta here, Warden.”

Wordlessly, he steps inside, but the weight on my shoulders doesn’t ease. Through the door blinds, I see Olivia standing over the incubator in the corner. A baby, no bigger than my hand, sleepily stirs inside. Tubes and wires jut out of her, and I watch Lydia, who sits in the opposite corner, watch sadly.

Liv must piece together that I’m not coming inside. When Taylor appears and carefully grips Gabrielle’s hand, she looks away… and I feel myself relax.

Even if I barely have the strength to finish what I’m about to do.