Page 42

Crew

M y eyes open before the sun is up. If I move, Liv might wake up and realize that even though we fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed last night, we’ve found our way to the middle. Our limbs are tangled together, one of her hands following the rise and fall of my chest. I kiss her brow, and she stirs slightly.

I gently disentangle myself, heading downstairs. Cool gray light filters in from beneath the blinds, and I find myself wandering outside to see if my parents are up yet. I’m unsurprised when I find Dad on the patio overlooking the garden and the mountains in the distance.

He nods when he sees me, and I motion towards the chair beside him, taking it carefully. He sips his coffee, the steam wafting into the cool morning air as he gazes out toward the horizon. While I see the leftover ash from a cigar in a nearby ash tray, I know better than to comment on his smoking habit.

I remember one of the rare mornings we did this when I was younger.Jimmy and I were always bickering- or at the very least debating- but I woke up early one morning and joined him on the patio. We didn’t say much. Just stared out at the trees much like we do now.

The trees are taller now. Older. And I can feel that even I’ve grown all the wiser.

“You leave today,” he says, clearing his throat and drawing me back to the present.

“It’s been a busy week,” I reply, looking out at the finished credenza with a smile.

It’s a good build. Everything I know about building came from him.

“Your mom finally got her credenza.”

I smile, knowing she’ll beam when she sees it. “I’ll let you take the credit this time, old man.”

“You’ve always been a shit,” he chuckles, and I can’t count the times he’s said that to me and we’ve laughed. It’s never been easy between us, but we’ve had our moments.

Even now, I know in my chest that if his fall had been any worse…

I’m not too proud to admit that I love him.

“I don’t want to leave things unsaid,” I start.

“I may be old, but I’m not yet dying,” he starts, brushing the conversation off, but I shake my head.

“I’m sorry, Dad. When I left, I-“ My chest aches as I say the words. Like opening an old wound, it feels like a gaping, hollow sore. “I said some cruel things.”

A heavy sigh drags out of him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do,” My voice is hoarse. “I was too proud to say it while I was gone. I was a shit, and I lied about things. I asked Mom to hide-“

“You were right,” he says, catching me by surprise. His chin wobbles. “May have been cruel but you’re right. I wanted you to stay. Didn’t want to see you make the same mistakes I did. The military- I never wanted that for you. But I was wrong to force that on you.”

“Dad…”

“ I’m sorry. Your mother’s been telling me about your life for years. Telling me about bartending, working for Skar, your new business. All of it. I wasn’t man enough to just apologize and ask you about it myself.”

He laughs as if suddenly taken aback by a memory:

“Tess is short on patience, you know that. But I like to think it’s because she spends it on me. That woman… has been patient as hell, waiting for me to find a way to say I’m sorry. You’ve been back for a week, and she’s about close to wringing my neck.”

A laugh escapes me at that. I know the words don’t come easily.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. But I can’t find it in me to say anything back. My voice is all choked up. But he speaks louder, talking over my shoulder. “You can trust I was gonna say it on my own and not because you’re eavesdropping, Tessa.”

I look up to see Mom peeking through the sliding door. She’s much too proud to be embarrassed about it, but when she holds up her hands and steps out, she still has the sense to look sheepish.

“I was going to give you boys your privacy, but I’ve been waiting years !”

Dad motions her out, setting his coffee aside. She walks over and sits on his lap, both relaxing against the chair. They look comfortable. Steady- just like they always have, and I smile at the sight.

“Liv still asleep?”

I think about how I left her, still sleeping soundly in our bed. “Yeah. Want to let her sleep in a bit.”

“She’s a pretty girl,” Mom says casually. “She’s got this light about her.”

Normally, I’d narrow my eyes at her blatant prying, but that was before this week happened. Now, I know I’m too weak a man to deny it.

Liv’s more than a pretty girl… and she has been from the start.

“I still need to talk to her dad,” I say aloud. “I need to find a new job.” Though I can tell that Mom wants to say more, she lets me sit with the words. “She’s a client,” I try.

“But you can’t walk away,” Dad finishes. I open my mouth to object, but he beats me to the punch. “You care about her. She cares about you. I’d rather you not start this newfound peace treaty by lying and telling me differently.”

I close my mouth. I don’t have a comeback.

“I didn’t know Winter. Never met her before she passed, but I know now that her death was a dark patch for you.”

I rest my head in my hands. “What are you getting at?”

“You’ve been living with a ghost for years,” Mom says, two fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “That girl upstairs… is the one thing that’s brought the light back to my baby’s eyes.”

Dad kisses her shoulder reassuringly.

“It was gone for so long I almost wondered if you were ever going to get it back,” she whispers. As another wave of tears fall, I want to sweep her up and hug her tight. “I’ve seen you change these last few months.”

Hearing the words just makes the hollow in my chest grow wider. Because knowing that I can’t hide it isn’t a comfort. It only makes going back infinitely more painful.

How I feel doesn’t change the rules.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the future looks like. I just know things need to change.

She and I… we can’t keep going like this.

“Is there anything to be done?” Dad asks.

“I can’t-“ I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I can’t feel like this about her and continue working for her father.”

“Why does it sound like that means it’s the end?”

Because it has to be. Our lives…

I can’t force myself to think the words. I can’t force myself to say that it won’t work because I just don’t know. But I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to.

Mom nods toward the door, and I know it’s because Liv’s moving around inside, probably coming downstairs. “Doesn’t seem like today is quite enough time to decide,” she says.

Liv steps out, eyes widening when she sees us all gathered around the table. I hear her curse as Mom waves her over. “Good morning!” Liv climbs the porch steps, and when her bright blue eyes find mine, I smile.

“Want coffee?”

Her answering smile is soft, lazy. “I’ll grab it. Good morning, Wardens,” she waves.

I stand, grabbing Dad’s coffee mug. “Need a top off?” I ask. He shakes his head at my cop-out, but Liv is already following me inside.

I lift the steaming pot of coffee, forcing myself to focus on refilling Dad’s mug. I retrieve another mug for her, leaving enough room for her dollop of cream. She happily accepts, and I have the uncontrollable urge to kiss her.

“Today’s the final day,” she offers, stirring her coffee with a spoon.

“Just a few more hours,” I nod, and when she gazes up at me again, I can't fight off the urge any longer. I set everything else aside, trapping her against the counter with my arms. “Can I kiss you?”

She opens her mouth, surprise flickering across her features. For a moment, I think she’ll say no. She’ll retreat just like she did yesterday. But she sets her coffee aside, a small smile lighting her face. “Didn’t think you were one for morning breath.”

It’s close enough to a yes that my hands drag into her hair, tilting her mouth to mine. This kiss is urgent and gentle and demanding and soft, and it’s crazy to me that one kiss can be all of these things, but kissing Olivia Hughes is everything.

Somehow, it’s not enough.

I feel the slightest intake of her breath as she grips my shirt and tug me closer, kissing me like she doesn’t want this to end either.

But she draws back, resting her head against mine. “I don’t think we can run from this anymore. As much as I love kissing you.”

She’s referring to the moment we’ve both been putting off for a week now.

“I have a wedding next Friday,” she starts. “I have to talk with Dad again eventually. We still don’t know who’s leaving the notes. And… and this.”

This.

“We have to talk about this,” she continues with a small smile. “Because you can’t keep torturing me the way you have.”

My hands tug at her hair gently. “Torturing you?” I tease, but I know exactly what she means. I can’t look at her without giving away every depraved, wicked thing I want to do to her.

“I know, Princess. We can’t,” I say, and I remember the first time I said those words.

I meant them. I trusted myself enough to listen then. Now, I don’t trust myself with anything when it comes to her. I press my lips to hers again, kissing her softly and pulling away before I lose my nerve.

“When we get back…”

I still don’t have a clue what happens when we get back. ..

“We’ll figure this out.”

For a few moments, we stand just like that. Foreheads still touching, my hands still tangled in her hair. Sharing the same breath.

She nods, finally opening her eyes as I press one final kiss across her mouth. One more moment is all we allow ourselves before we break apart.

She reaches for her coffee mug. And before I can do something else I’ll regret, we step outside.