Page 5
Four
I just have to get through another day. It’s a day like any other. I can manage it. I have to. Dimitri, Knox, and Jaxon have taken too much of my life away from me. They don’t get to take my job too.
So, I start the day by avoiding them. I check in with Jared instead. He’s safer. He smiles gently and increases the weights until I give him a playful glare.
“Go easy on yourself, Jared. I don’t want you hurt and out for the rest of the season,” I say gently, touching his bicep. “I’m serious.”
“You’re sweet is what you are,” he says, his warm smile washing away another bit of frustration and upset that lingers from my three bullies returning with a vengeance.
“Sometimes sweeter than others. Watch how bitter I get if you push yourself too hard,” I counter.
He chuckles and stops pumping weights for a minute. “I don’t think you have it in you to be mean, Hope. I like that about you.”
I wish I were the kind of girl who could tolerate dates.
I’ve tried it, but something always reminds me of the past, makes me feel unsafe, and since I’m determined to find a good man , I don’t want to drag any of those guys into my problems. I chose the type that aren’t heavily muscled or threatening, which means they can’t hurt me, but they can’t protect me from my night terrors either.
“Hope?” Jared asks, starting to stand up.
“Hope!” my boss calls. “I need you to do the physicals for the new guys. Can you handle that?”
It’s a rhetorical question. I’m sure of it. It’s my job and since it’s my job, he’s just making sure I’m going to do it. I force a smile and nod. “Of course. Let me just wrap up with Jared.”
My boss gives me a thumbs-up before walking away, and Jared gives me a warm smile. “I’m almost sad that I’m not going to get one-on-one time with you once I’m better. ”
“That’s silly,” I say. “You’ll be able to get back on the field with plenty of fans screaming your name instead of riding the bench.”
I linger with Jared, going over everything way more in depth than necessary. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything. He feels safer. He’s warm and has such a kind, sweet face. He’s plenty muscled, but Jared has always made sure I feel comfortable.
The three I’m supposed to be checking out today have never made even the slightest effort to make me feel safe, let alone comfortable. In fact, I have this constant, pervasive thought that they’re actually competing to see who can upset me the most.
Based on the list I’m given, Knox has the first opportunity to ruin my day. Of course he’s going to take it. It’s Knox .
I walk to the private office and call Knox over. He sets some weights down and stands at his full height. He flicks his dark brown hair off his forehead and subjects me to his intense green eyes. Seven years and his eyes are still as entrancing, wicked, and intense.
Knox walks over to me, his broad shoulders, his fists down at his side, tightening his biceps. God, he’s big. Too big, too intense. He doesn’t need piercings or tattoos to overwhelm anyone.
“Eager to see me again?” he asks in a low, deep voice.
“I need to do your physical,” I say as calmly as I can after this morning.
“Oh, so you’re going to call in your backup so that way you can control yourself, right?” he asks, his gaze flicking to Jared.
“No. Your privacy will be protected,” I say, trying to focus on the checklist rather than the fact that I’m going to be alone with Knox in a small room… asking him to strip.
“So, you want me all to yourself,” Knox purrs. “Want to properly make up for the lost time, sweetheart?”
I ignore his comment, trying to let everything he tosses at me glide off my skin. “Professional physical checkup so we have a baseline for—”
“Whatever you want to call it to save your job,” he says with a wicked smile.
I take the deepest breath I can, and I wonder how long it will be before I crack or when they’ll do something… again. But now, I’ll be fine. If I raise my voice once, someone will come, right? It’s not like we’re really alone.
Once I close the door, I turn around and bump into Knox. He grips my chin and lifts my face so I’m staring up at him.
“Tell me how much you missed me, Hope. How much you’ve been craving everything we can do for you and to you,” he says as he slowly looks me over. His free hand reaches for the buttons on my Polo. “I bet you touch those marks and think of us when you—”
“Are you… are you trying to avoid stripping?” I ask, trying to distract him before he can strip me, specifically.
Knox pauses, and his eyes lift from the one button he’s managed to undo to focus on my face. His gaze burns through me and he jerks me closer to him. “You didn’t see me naked last time. What makes you think I’m going to give you that now? ”
“It’s… it’s for the physical. I have to take your vitals, we do a stress test on your heart, you answer some questions, then you strip down to your boxers so I can note any bruises, old injuries, anything that might be a problem in the—”
“No,” he snarls.
“Knox, it’s not your first time on an NFL team. You know how it—”
“There’s no reason anyone needs to see me in less than what I have on. Do your fucking tests, Hope, but you don’t get to see me stripped down to my boxers,” he hisses.
My brows tug together. I’m not sure why he’s so pissed about it. He’s always talked about how many girls want him, how many guys want to be him, so why is he so hesitant to show off? Clearly, stripping me would be fine, so why…? It doesn’t make sense, but I just go through what he’ll allow.
I take his pulse, test his respirations, his blood pressure, take his weight, then hook him up to a heart monitor, even though he steals the electrodes from me to put them on his chest. I don’t get what he’s hiding.
He’s attractive and he knows it. It doesn’t seem like he’s insecure or anything, but he clearly isn’t budging when it comes to stripping.
I thought this would be difficult because he’d try to make me strip or make a move or a hundred different horrible options.
A hundred different ways to hurt me and remind me that my father is not the only monster in the world.
Once we finish the tests, I have a nurse come in to take a blood sample, then he has to give a urine sample, huffing the whole time about how I’m probably going to take a peek to remember him better.
After checking all those boxes, only one remains. I stare at Knox as he watches me with those dark emerald eyes.
“Keep staring and I’m going to think you want me to gag you, toss you over that exam table, and see if I can make you scream like that last night,” he growls.
I shake my head. “Take off your shirt, Knox. I can work with that. Then I can—”
“If you’re not going to have me between your legs, then you don’t need me to strip, Hope,” he snarls.
“It’s not what I want or need. You need this to be on the team,” I remind him.
He grabs my shoulder and shoves me against the exam table. He holds me down, his hand moving to my throat. He snarls. “You are going to sign the fucking box saying everything is just fine. I don’t do drugs. My blood is fine, and I don’t have any fucking injuries.”
“Knox!” I rasp.
His grip tightens on my throat. I don’t want to admit that it’s almost comfortable. It’s what I expect. It’s his control and anger washing over me in a way so familiar that I hate it and fall into it at the same time.
“You’ll do it, Hope, because I still have a very specific video of you. The team doesn’t need the audio to know that you’re an eager little slut, do they?”
I scratch his hand and kick his thigh, making sure not to damage his knee. It scares him enough that he lets me go. I pant. “ Show that video and it will be the last thing you ever do as a football star!”
He glowers at me.
“It’s called revenge porn and it’s against the law. Are you worth a teamwide scandal and potential sanction?” I demand.
Knox doesn’t back down. He gets in my face no matter how I try to keep my knees from shaking or how I try to keep my back straight. Knox glowers into my eyes. “He-said, she-said, and considering your past—”
“Don’t,” I order, even though my voice shakes.
“Don’t force me,” he counters. He shoves me back and tosses the electrodes to the floor without taking off his shirt. “Check the fucking box and be done with it or we’ll have a problem. I’m not stripping for you.”
Knox pushes me out of the way, opens the door, and just as I expect him to slam the door to show the full extent of his frustration, he just pulls it shut with a soft click, leaving me with a whiplash of emotion.