Page 9
NINE
Meredith bumped Gray’s arm. “Are you done for the night? Or do you have to go back to the office and fill out paperwork?”
He couldn’t help but grin at her. She was clearly amped up from her work tonight, and he didn’t mind admitting that it was one of his favorite things about her.
Meredith didn’t help people because she had to or because she should. She helped people because she wanted to. It filled her up and left her overflowing.
“I have to shut down my office. We left in a hurry. But then I’m done. One of the perks of being the chief. The officers have to deal with the paperwork.”
“Don’t they turn that paperwork in to you?”
“Yes. But I don’t have to read it tonight. I can go home, go to bed, and go to sleep.”
“Brilliant.” She beamed at him. “You go home and sleep, Chief. I’m going to go home and ... not sleep.”
He should’ve said good night right then and there. Which is why it made no sense to him that he said, “If you aren’t going to sleep, what are you going to do?”
“No idea.” And he could tell that she didn’t care. “I might read a book. Or go to the shop and work on some arrangements. Or sit by the firepit until Mo comes out to talk to me. He hates to see me out there alone.” She leaned in closer. “Don’t tell him, but it’s my secret weapon. When he’s been inside too long, or he’s getting all moody and grumpy, I go sit out there by myself. It doesn’t take long. He can’t stand it. So even if he doesn’t want to come out, he will.”
She said that last bit with a little bit of a laugh. “Cal says I shouldn’t manipulate him. I say it’s not manipulation when the person knows they’re being manipulated. Mo knows I’m doing it on purpose, but he can’t stand it, so he caves. Every time. And then I make him talk to me until he’s less of a grouch and more of a teddy bear.”
“Mo? A teddy bear?”
“I’ll have you know that Mo Quinn is a world-class hugger.”
Gray held up his hands. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it will be okay with me if I never learn that from personal experience.”
“Please.” Meredith waved him off. “Guys need hugs too.”
“They generally prefer those hugs to come from women.”
“Point taken. But I’ve seen him hug Dad. And Cal. And Papa Quinn. But he’s the best with the kids. Our baby cousins adore him. He’s a family favorite.”
Gray had seen it for himself but still found it hard to believe. “I don’t see that side of Mo often.”
Meredith’s happiness bubble didn’t pop, but it did deflate a bit. “He hasn’t been the same in a long time. But he’s still in there. I keep hoping he’ll let the real Mo out to play more often. He did last night around the firepit. The way he laughed?”
Gray had never seen Mo laugh that way. “I didn’t fully appreciate how far back the four of you go. I knew you, Mo, and Cal have known each other your whole lives, but I didn’t realize Bronwyn was part of your terror cell.”
Meredith swatted his arm. “Hey! I’ll have you know we were the most adorable tiny terrorists who ever ran amuck in Gossamer Falls.”
“I have no doubt.”
“But yeah. Beep has been part of our merry band since kindergarten.”
Beep. The only people who called Bronwyn that were the three cousins. Bronwyn Elena Elizabeth Pierce did not seem to mind it when those three used the childhood nickname, but he couldn’t imagine anyone else calling her that.
Gray wanted to ask her more. He wanted her to tell him stories about her childhood and dental school, and he wanted to know why she’d wanted to be a dentist in the first place. He wanted to slip her hand in his and walk through Gossamer Falls beside her.
What he did was take two steps away from her. “Sorry to be abrupt, but I need to go make sure everything’s squared away and call it a night.”
Meredith lifted her chin, put her face to the sky, stretched out her arms, and spun around in a circle. “I need something to do. I’m too keyed up. I think I’ll go make some flowers before I torture Mo.”
She dropped her arms and gave him a look he couldn’t interpret. “Good night, Gray. You made a difference tonight. Don’t forget that.”
Why did he feel like she wasn’t saying good night, but goodbye? She didn’t look back, wave, or acknowledge him again as she walked back into her office, leaving him standing on the street. He pulled himself together and returned to his own office.
It took him twenty minutes to wrap up, and when he picked up the jacket from the chair where he’d tossed it earlier, he saw Meredith’s bag.
It must not be a purse. She’d had her keys, her phone, and everything she needed to get into her office. There was no telling what was in the bag, but since she’d brought it in, she’d eventually start looking for it. He picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Hello?”
“Meredith. It’s Gray.”
“Oh! Hi!” Did she sound ... guilty? Or upset? Something was wrong with her voice.
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice it earlier, but you left a bag in my office.”
“Thanks. I’m still in my office. I’ll be right there.”
Why was she still in her office? “No need. I’m walking out. I’ll run it over.”
“It’s no problem.”
“Meredith. I’m walking out the door.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
When he saw her standing by her office door a minute later, he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. But something was.
She tried to hide whatever it was with a cheery smile. “Thanks. I didn’t realize I’d left it.” She reached for the bag, but he held onto it.
“What’s the matter?”
She looked straight at him and dropped the facade of happiness. With that barrier gone, her pain was so evident it hurt him to look at her.
“It’s nothing you can fix, Gray. But it isn’t life-threatening or dangerous. Don’t worry about it.”
“Meredi—”
“Gray, I don’t want company.” There was no give in her voice. “Thank you for bringing the bag.”
“You’re welcome.” He stepped back. “Good night.”
“Good night.” She closed the door in his face, and he had no choice but to leave her alone in her office.
Crying.
Meredith closed the door completely before she allowed the tears to flow free. She dropped the bag on the floor and lay down on the sofa. It took fifteen minutes for the tears to dry up and take the shards of her broken heart with them.
She’d had such a great night. Gray was easy to talk to. And he made her want to tell him everything she’d thought or noticed in every trip she’d made to Neeson. He somehow made it seem like he really wanted to know her, and that she was worth knowing.
Worth knowing. Yes.
Worth loving? No.
She walked into her private bathroom and splashed water on her face. The woman in the mirror looked so sad, and Meredith knew why.
She’d never believed that people could fall in love at first sight. Still didn’t. But she did believe they could fall in love fast.
She had.
She’d nearly swallowed her tongue the first time she saw Grayson Ward standing in the police station. He was talking to Cal, and it was clear that they were good friends. She hadn’t hesitated to interrupt them, introduce herself, and wish him well on the interviews.
Cal told her that Gray had saved his life. She wasn’t sure if that was literal or figurative. Cal had gone through some hard stuff, and Gray had known him before and after the worst of it.
That fact alone would have made him interesting to Meredith. But then he got the job and moved to Gossamer Falls, and her interest morphed into something that bordered on an unhealthy obsession. She would bump into him—accidentally, of course—at the coffee shop. She’d suddenly feel compelled to work on her arrangements when he was visiting with Cal while Cal worked on his side of their shared shop.
She’d invited him to join them around the firepit and to every family gathering at Papa and Granny Quinn’s. She made sure Cal knew she was fine with Gray joining them when it was supposed to just be her, Cal, and Mo for dinner.
She’d thrown herself in Gray’s path, and all she’d gotten for her efforts was a bruised ego and a shattered heart. When her mom was sick, she’d put all her focus into taking care of her, and until tonight, Meredith had believed that by getting some distance and spending less time around Gray, the hold he had on her had broken.
Nope.
Not even a little bit.
Tonight, she’d accepted his offer to join him for pizza. And then she’d told him she was available this evening. When she realized what she was doing and how tense Gray was, probably because he had this woman throwing herself at him, she’d shut herself down, told him good night, and all but ran to the safety of her office.
How many ways did a man have to make it clear that he wasn’t interested before she would accept it and move on with her life?
Cal had indicated that Gray had some trauma in his past and that in all the years he’d known him, he’d never had a serious girlfriend. That right there should have been enough to send her running. Of course, Mo hadn’t had a girlfriend in years, either, but that was different.
Wasn’t it?
Or was that it? Was there a girl out there somewhere who’d already taken up residence in Gray’s heart? Was his heart claimed by someone she’d never know?
Did it matter?
Yes. It did.
Did it change anything?
No. It did not.
Her phone rang. Again. She’d ignored it three times. This time she looked and was unsurprised to see that it was Mo calling. “When I don’t answer, that means I don’t want to talk.”
“Gray called Cal. Told him you were in your office crying and wouldn’t talk to him. What did he do to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why are you upset?”
“Given that you’ve known me my entire life, I’m not sure why me having a crying jag is big news. I’m allowed to cry when I’m upset.”
“You are, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
Mo never liked it when she cried. Bless him. “I’m sorry you got stuck with a big-emotion sister.”
“I’m not. I love you exactly the way you are. I just don’t like it when you’re upset. And to be clear, I’m not sorry that you got stuck with an overprotective big brother. Two of them if you count Cal, which I know you do. Big-emotion baby sisters who wear their hearts on their sleeves need big brothers to go to bat for them.”
“I love you too.”
“I know. Now, what did Gray do?”
“I already told you. Nothing.”
“And that’s the problem?” When she didn’t answer, he muttered, “Oh boy. Okay. Come home. I’ll start a fire.”
“Okay.”
“Be careful.”
“I will.”
She slipped out of her office and went straight to her car. She only cried a little on her way home. And when Mo met her by the fire with arms open wide, she stepped into his embrace and let him hold her until the tears again stopped.
“Why am I not good enough?” She whispered the question into his chest.
“Did he say that to you?”
“No.”
Mo waited. He was annoyingly good at waiting.
“I’ve all but painted a sign that says, ‘I have feelings for you,’ but he’s not interested. Why? I’m not ugly. I’m smart. I have a job. I’m not a criminal. I mean, on paper, I’m a catch. But in real life? Not so much. No one has ever wanted to catch me, at least not anyone I want to be caught by.”
Mo rested his chin on her head. “I don’t have an answer other than that it isn’t that you aren’t good enough. I know for sure that is not it.” He squeezed her closer. “Maybe it’s us. Some kind of family curse that skipped a few generations and landed on us and now we’re destined to love people who don’t love us back.”
They stood by the fire until her left arm got too hot. She spun them around so her right side was to the fire, but didn’t break the embrace.
When Meredith spoke next, she chose her words very carefully. “I don’t know how to do this. Be his friend but nothing more. I need some space.”
“I’ll tell Cal. We’ll get you some distance.”
“I don’t want Gray to know. It’s embarrassing enough as it is.”
“I’m not convinced he knows to begin with. But if he does, he should be honored that you’d notice him, much less want to know him ... better.”
“Trying not to think about how I’d like to know him?” she teased, and he pulled back from her.
He made a face that looked like he’d sipped pickle juice straight from a jar. “I never think about that. You’re my baby sister. The thought of you ... no. I don’t think about it.” He tapped her nose. “At the same time, I want that for you. A man to love you the way you deserve to be loved. And a man who can be the safest place you’ve ever known.”
Meredith had nothing to say to that.
“Gray could have been that man. But if he can’t move past the things holding him back from you, then there’s someone else.”
“There might not be.” Meredith voiced the thing she’d been thinking of lately. “Maybe I’m going to be the coolest aunt, best cousin, and sweetest friend, but not a wife and not a mother. I feel like if that’s what God wants for me, I should be okay with that.”
Mo chuckled. “Maybe God wants us to be like Matthew and Marilla.” He winked at her, and she remembered her long-ago promise to never, ever tell anyone how much her big brother adored Anne of Green Gables .
“You think God wants us to grow old and grumpy and then adopt a redhead who will turn our world upside down?”
“It could happen.”
“That wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Nope.”
“Love you, Mo.”
“Love you.”
She walked to her door, and right as she opened it, she heard him say, “I could give his computers a virus...”
“No!”
“Offer stands.”
She went inside, and while she wasn’t happy, at least she’d stopped crying. She was loved. Dearly and deeply. But Mo and Cal, her parents, her family, all of them loved her, but they didn’t have a choice. Not really. And because they didn’t have a choice, it didn’t count.
She wanted someone to choose to love her.
But that someone wasn’t going to be Grayson Ward.