Page 87 of Branded (Breakers Hockey)

Sixteen

Jules

I should just go inside.

It was late.

I was exhausted—emotionally and physically.

But I couldn’t bring myself to get up, to walk into my apartment.

I couldn’t bring myself to leave him.

Cas’s head tilted to the side. “What do you mean, gorgeous?”

Yeah, well, I’d walked right into that one. I could have avoided this, could have left him, gone to bed. But, as always seemed to happen when I spent time with this man, I couldn’t tear myself away.

Not when his gaze was on me, making me feel like I was the single most important thing in the universe.

My inner cynic snorted.

That wasn’t exactly a surprise, was it?

It was the middle of the night, and we were the only two people awake in the vicinity.

Which was a nice excuse, a nice idea to hold on to in order to keep my heart safe.

If only he didn’t make me feel like the only woman on the planet all the time—in a crowded bar, when I was chatting with the girls and stealing bites of cheese, when I was working my ass off to handle demanding tables, in a quiet kitchen taking care of me, and in the hushed softness of night here on my porch.

“I can’t go there again,” I said, because I had to give him something.

A pause that was long enough to settle heavy on my chest before he eventually asked, “Go where?”

I glanced away from those piercing eyes, stared up at the dark sky. “Get involved with a hockey player.”

Since I wasn’t watching him, I couldn’t see him go still.

But I could feel it, knew it with the same part of me that always knew what he was doing—laughing with a teammate, almost able to hear his rough chuckle, no matter where I was in the bar; sensing the warm weight of his gaze on me as I moved through my tables, feeling the slight rasp of his stubble on my cheek, the heat of his breath, the strength of his body.

“Someone from the team?”

His words were quiet, but there was a note in them that sent a thrill through me. Jealousy. Winding through each word and making me feel…

Stupid.

I’d dealt with jealousy before, with possession, with a man wanting me above all else.

Until I’d actually given myself.

And then he’d?—

“Not from the Breakers,” I whispered.

He went even more still. I felt that in my bones. “From where?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Quiet.

Pulse of protectiveness in the air. “ Gorgeous, ” he warned.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, found my body shifting back to face him, even though it was smarter—safer—to not look at him.

But, as I’d already pointed out, I was real dumb when it came to this hockey player.

“He plays on the Sierra now.”

A muscle flickered in Cas’s cheek.

“He didn’t then,” I whispered. “We were kids. I was the hometown one. He was the junior player living far from home.” A breath.

“And I worked at the rink, so I knew all the guys.” I felt my lips turn up.

The memories of that time crowding into my mind, washing away the hurt that had followed my time with Nate.

“I was a rink rat even though I didn’t play.

” Even if I’d been remotely athletically inclined, my father would have flipped his shit.

“But I loved being there. The rink became my home when my real one wasn’t…

” Christ, how did I encapsulate everything into a few sentences?

In the end, I decided to just lay it out there.

I’d never hidden from the truth. I had never been able to.

Not when my dad had made it so fucking clear that I was unwanted, that I was basically a murderer.

“My home life wasn’t good. My father loved one person in his life—and that was my mother. ” A sigh. “Who I killed.”

Cas sucked in a breath, reached for me, and tugged me back against his body, enfolding me in strong, warm arms. I didn’t resist, couldn’t resist—not when this old truth hurt so fucking much. “ Jules .”

“It’s true,” I whispered, giving in, burying deeper into his hold.

A hand smoothing down my arm. Cas didn’t say anything, but the touch centered me, and his hold kept me here in the present. “She died giving birth to me,” I whispered. “And from the time I was old enough to know that fact, he made sure I never forgot it.”

His arms convulsed. “ Gorgeous .”

That cracked open my chest and settled deep inside, and under the quiet of the cold, late night, I gave him the rest of it.

“The rink was my sanctuary, and the hockey boys were my best friends.” A sigh.

“And I was young and stupid, and he was…” More of that stillness in Cas’s frame, and it distracted me for a moment.

It truly was impressive that he could control his big body so completely.

Then I knew I had to keep going, that he had to understand. “He seemed to like me for me.”

Lake had warned me that Nate wasn’t a good guy. And they’d been playing on the same junior team, so he would know.

But Nate had been pretty and funny. And he was the one everyone wanted and…he’d wanted me.

No one had ever wanted me.

And Nate hadn’t really either—or not for long, anyway. He’d gotten what he wanted and moved on, and then when I’d turned up pregnant…

He’d made my life hell.

Of course, that had only been until my father had found out.

Upon which, my knowledge of hell had been expanded.

It had only been because of Lake that I’d survived, had made it this far.

I knew he wanted to do more—then and now—but…it was all too mixed up in my head: him and Nate, hockey players and what they meant for my heart, my life.

I’d needed to pull back.

Lake had let me.

“What happened?” Cas asked, making me realize that I’d been lost in the past, in the painful memories.

“I got pregnant,” I whispered.

His arms convulsed again.

Then grew even tighter when I whispered, “My dad kicked me out when he found out. I went to Nate and?—”

A jerk of his body and I realized I’d made a critical error. I didn’t like to think of Nate, to talk about him, let alone to even mention his name. I preferred to go full Voldemort.

But the critical error?

Cas played against the Sierra, would know the rosters.

“Nate Miller?” It was a growl.

Shit .

I tried to backpedal. “Things didn’t end well between us.”

The understatement of the year.

“What did he do?” Another growl.

More than I wanted to talk about right then. I’d already revealed way too much, but I gave him the rest, anyway. How Nate had shattered my heart and Lake had helped me get set up. How I’d felt stupid and alone and had sworn off hockey players.

Except, that Lake had kept checking in.

Except, that Smitty and Cas and the Breakers had taken me under their wings.

I bared my soul and didn’t know how the hell to feel about it and, as I was trying not to freak out about that fact, I yawned.

Not on purpose, but his reaction to it made me file that away for later. A card to play. An escape route that played on his need to take care of me.

Right then, though, he stood up, drawing me to my feet. “You should go to bed,” he murmured, pressing his lips to my forehead before nudging me toward the front door.

“Yeah.” I needed to be smart—at least for one moment that night. But after I’d taken a step toward the apartment, I stopped and turned around, remembering that he didn’t have a car. “How are you going to get home?”

His expression was soft as he pulled his phone from his pocket, held it up. “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’ll call a Lyft.”

Emotions skittered through my belly.

Because I couldn’t leave him to wait for his ride on my porch.

Not in the cold, dark night.

Not—

“Why don’t you come inside and wait for it?” I blurted.

His face went even softer, and he brushed his knuckles down my cheek, along my throat. “That doesn’t help you get to bed, gorgeous.”

“Yeah.” My gaze dropped to my feet. “But you can wait in the front room, and I’ll just go on to sleep.

” I pointed to the keypad above the lock on the front door.

“Just hit this button to lock up after you go out. Or if you forget something or the car is late and you need to come back in, just hit 1622.”

His finger under my chin, tilting my head up. “Jules, I’m fine ?—”

“Just do it, okay?” I said, tapping my toe, and then because I instinctively knew that he was going to continue to argue, I gave him the truth. “Because if you don’t, I won’t be able to sleep worrying about you being out here freezing your ass off.”

His teeth clicked together, and he sighed.

But thankfully, that meant he stopped arguing.

And followed me inside.