Page 20 of Bound to a Scot (Sins in a Kilt #2)
CHAPTER TWENTY
L eft alone in the salon, Maddox sat back in his chair, feeling the weight on his shoulders lift as he relaxed for the first time all evening. He ran his hands over his face then through his wavy locks and looked up to find Emmeline staring back at him. And when their eyes met, he felt his heart skip a beat as his stomach churned. All he could think about in that moment was watching Emmeline bathing in the hot spring.
He cleared his throat and tried to banish the image from his mind but didn’t seem able to shed it completely. She truly was the most beautiful, most exquisite woman he’d ever seen. She was breathtaking. And her naked form was indelibly etched into his mind. Even sitting there across from her at the table, doing something as mundane as playing a game of chess, Maddox found it almost impossible to not feel his heart race and his breath quicken as he thought of her.
He knew he had to find a way to banish those thoughts, to quell his desires. He was to marry Cecilia, whether he wanted to or not, and continuing to indulge in fantasies of the woman across from him was a recipe for disaster. Worse, it was a path that would undoubtedly lead him to madness. A path that would see him spending his life longing for something that was unattainable.
“’Tis yer move.”
Emmeline’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. He cleared his throat and sat forward as a shaky smile crossed his lips.
“Sorry,” he replied and made a hasty move.
Emmeline’s thin eyebrow arched, and she raised her gaze. “Are ye certain ye want tae make that move? Puts ye in a precarious position.”
Maddox looked down at the board and immediately realized his error. He chuckled.
“I’ll let ye take the move back,” she said.
“And have ye throw that back in me face when I beat ye anyway? Nay thanks.”
Her laughter rang in his ears, the sound so light and musical, it put a smile in Maddox’s heart. Emmeline’s laughter came from deep within her, and was joyous, infectious, so that Maddox couldn’t help but laugh along with her. For the first time since he’d met her, Maddox saw an unrestrained joy in her face. It was as if being out from beneath Burchard’s thumb had lifted a weight off her shoulders and unlocked something within her. It was wonderful to see.
She grinned at him. “Suit yerself.”
She moved another piece on the board, strengthening her own position while putting Maddox in jeopardy. He frowned and studied the pieces intently for a moment before finding a way out of the trap she’d laid for him. As he moved his piece, he grinned to himself.
“Bleedin’ hell,” she muttered.
On and on they played until they both reached the conclusion that the game was going to end in a stalemate. Neither could win, but neither would lose either. It was an interesting result. In all the matches he’d played, he had never battled to a draw with anybody before. Emmeline had a keen tactical mind. With every passing day, he learned something new about her that impressed him. She was so unlike any woman he’d ever met that Maddox was utterly fascinated with her. The more he learned about Emmeline, the more he wanted to know.
“Well played,” he said.
“’Twas a draw. I wouldnae necessarily say it was well played.”
“Nae many people have ever played me tae a draw before.”
The corner of her mouth crinkled adorably with a smile. “’Tis a surprise tae me that I can fit in this room with yer bleedin’ ego.”
“Believe me, it surprises me too.”
That set off another rolling belly laugh. Emmeline’s face turned red, and tears streamed down her face. She just seemed so free. It was so vastly different than her normal state. She usually seemed terrified to say or do the wrong thing that would earn her husband’s wrath. It was a side of her Maddox found himself being drawn to, that he wanted to see more of. The more time he spent with her, the more time with her he wanted. But he knew he was likely not going to get the chance. It was a thought that depressed him.
“Another game?” she asked.
“Nay. Nay more games,” he said.
Maddox got to his feet and walked to the table where he poured them each another cup of wine. He brought them back to the table and set one of the cups down in front of her, then sat down and stared into the fire as he tried to get his thoughts back under control. The room was silent, save for the cracking and popping of the wood as they were consumed by the flames that flickered as wildly as his thoughts.
“Are ye all right?” she asked.
“Aye. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“A lot of things.”
“Like what then?”
Maddox took a deep draw of his wine as he considered whether to share what was going through his mind with her or not. Part of him wanted to. But he knew that would likely only make an already complicated situation even messier and would put her in a precarious position. And the last thing he wanted was to make her life any more difficult than it already was.
“How is Lorn?” he asked.
“He’s fine. Ye didnae dae any permanent damage.”
“’Tis good. I’m glad,” he said softly. “And like I told ye before, I really am sorry fer the way that all played out.”
“I appreciate the apology, but I’m nae the one ye should be apologizin’ tae,” she said. “Ye really should be makin’ yer amends tae him.”
“Aye. Probably so.”
“So, why arenae ye?”
Maddox took another sip of his wine to cover for the fact that he didn’t have an answer to that question. He knew she was right. He should apologize to the man for what he’d done. It was supposed to be a friendly sparring session, and he’d let his pride and ego take control and turn it into something else. Maddox knew he’d let his petty jealousy as well as his insecurities lead him to fighting the man so hard, he’d injured him. He had been silly and immature, and Maddox knew what he’d done was wrong.
However, despite knowing all that, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize to the man. Maddox told himself it was because they were both warriors and the shot to the nose he’d given the man was nothing. It was less than a scratch. Both of them had suffered worse injuries. He told himself Lorn wasn’t looking for an apology. He would never admit it to anybody, but deep down, Maddox knew the real reason for his unwillingness to apologize to Lorn directly was because he remained jealous of the man’s relationship to Emmeline. It was small and petty, he knew. But he couldn’t’ help the way he felt.
A small, patient smile touched Emmeline’s lips. “Ye need tae understand that Lorn is me closest friend. He’s been me only true friend in this castle since I arrived. He’s good tae me, he protects me. He takes care of me,” she said gently. “He’s been the only constant thing in me life since I was married off tae Burchard. So, I take what happens tae him personally. I may nae be able to wield a blade well enough tae protect him as he does me, but I try tae protect him any way I can. ‘Tis why I got so upset with ye and ‘tis why I think ye owe the man an apology.”
Maddox sat back in his chair and stared into his cup of wine as if the answers he sought could be found in the depths of the red liquid. He didn’t know what to say to her in response to that. On an intellectual level, he understood it. On an emotional level though, he couldn’t stop that sharp stab of petty jealousy that pierced his heart. It was ludicrous, he knew. It was even more outlandish than that, given that he had no claim to Emmeline.
She drained the cup of wine and got to her feet. “’Tis late. I should go tae bed.”
“Aye. Of course,” he replied. “Thanks fer the game. And the conversation.”
“’Twas nice.”
Her gaze lingered on his and her smile was so beautiful, it almost stole his breath.
“Good night, Emmeline.”
“Good night, Maddox.”
His eyes remained fixed on her as she left the room and only when she was gone did he get to his feet. He crossed the room and poured himself another cup of wine and walked to the window in the salon, staring out at the moonlight-bathed land beyond. He took a sip of his wine as he gazed at the coldly monochromatic landscape beyond the window, his mind swirling.
Maddox understood Emmeline’s loyalty to Lorn. It was absolute and unwavering. It was just one more thing on the growing list of things he admired in her. But he also knew himself well enough to know his petty jealousy and insecurity only served to complicate everything. It kept him from doing the right thing with Lorn and it would keep him from doing the right thing by Emmeline.
But then, given the situation as it was and the fact that he would never have Emmeline, he supposed it was all a moot point anyway. Once he’d wed Cecilia and carried her back to his lands, he would likely rarely see Emmeline. It was a thought that brought him some small measure of relief in that he thought it might ease some of the conflict in his mind and heart. But it was also a thought that filled him with the most intense sadness and regret he’d ever felt in his life.
And Maddox wasn’t sure what to do with that.