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Chapter thirty-four

A fter theorizing with the others for hours, my mind was a muddled mess. There were still too many uncertainties that prevented us from coming up with a solid plan. Mammon, Hashen, and Gor would travel to Egypt to assess the situation, while the others stayed back to help prepare the covens.

That night, I was plagued by nightmares. I was back in Hell, haunted by the smells, the sounds, the visuals that I would never fully wash from my memory. I awoke in a panic, drenched in sweat. As I steadied my breathing, I checked my mental walls, satisfied they were still standing strong, keeping even my mate out.

He slept peacefully next to me. I got out of bed, grabbing my robe on the way towards the door. I walked slowly down the quiet halls of Castle Salvo, pausing at the open arched windows that held one of the most beautiful views from my ancestral home. The first time I had seen this view was the day Aunt Thora had given me a tour of our family home.

That seemed like another lifetime ago. I barely remembered that naive girl who believed this world was only black and white. Little did I know there was a hefty amount of gray, and that happened to be the category I fell into.

I headed for Nonna’s room, making sure I wasn’t too loud just in case she was asleep. What was I thinking? She had to be asleep. It was three in the morning. I cracked open the door but froze when I heard voices coming from the other side.

“Absolutely not, Annalise,” yelled Nonna.

“Why else would you have told me if this was not an option?” Mom replied.

“Because you needed to be aware so you could prepare for what came next.”

“You are not capable of possessing that much power. As great as you are, it isn’t possible.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And if you’re wrong, what then? You put us all at risk,” Mom said, her usual calm giving way to firm resolve.

“You know,” Talia’s voice came from behind me, “back in my day, if you were caught listening to a private conversation, you were held underwater. Or, if it was someone of importance, they could cut your ears off. That one was always fun to watch.”

I closed the door quietly. “I didn’t mean to listen in,” I replied, moving back into the hall. Talia fell in step beside me. “Why are you awake?”

“I don’t really sleep. Sleeping indicates a sense of peace. Peace is something I have been without for a long, long time now.”

We walked out to one of the balconies on the side of the castle. I lit the outdoor firepit while Talia took in the view. I joined her at the railing, the cold breeze easing the warm, sticky sweat that clung to my skin.

“Nightmares?” she asked. I nodded. “Dreaming is overrated anyways.” She attempted to playfully smile.

“Finding our sense of humor?”

She shrugged. “I try to find moments I can enjoy from time to time. Also, I haven’t had anyone but myself to talk to in years. It’s nice to hear another voice besides my own.”

“Can I ask you something?” I said.

She arched her brow in a devilish manner. “Sure … why not.”

I swallowed, gathering my courage. “Before Purgatory … how evil were you?”

“Define evil,” she said dryly.

“You know what I mean.”

She gazed back to the hills of Triora, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve murdered, stolen, lied, indulged, gambled, lusted … all of it. I’ve committed every sin ten times over again. I’ve butchered families. Burned villages. Lured men from their wives. Left children orphans. Killed … children. I’ve done it all. So, if you’re asking if I am evil … the answer is yes, Seren. I am just as bad as he.”

“Why?” I whispered.

“Why not? In my time, I was the most powerful thing ever to exist. A phenomenon that should have never been. Nothing could rival me, besides my mate. Even the other princes wouldn’t have stood a chance. I was invincible. Why should I abide by the laws of man?”

“They were innocent.”

She huffed. “Nothing I witnessed in my mortal life was truly innocent. I watched men take and rape whomever, whenever they pleased. I witnessed mothers killing their children because they were too poor to feed them. Oppressors using other humans as slaves, treating their pets with more humanity than their ‘property’. Especially the women. Our only purpose back then was to breed. Love was an abstraction, a lie women chose to believe to endure laying with old, disease-infested men who only cared about their own pleasure. ”

She paused, her face falling into sorrow—the first raw emotion I had seen her express. “My parents sold my twelve-year-old sister to the highest bidder, who was older than our father. He was a violent man. My sister didn’t last a year.”

My heart constricted. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was powerless then, unaware of the magic I possessed, but that didn’t prevent me from invoking my wrath upon that bastard.” She lifted her head with pride. “He didn’t know Evie had an older sister. I plied him with shekar, our liquor, and let him lure me back to his home. Then I tied him to the bed, gagged him, and made him watch as I carved his small cock off with a rusted knife. I shoved it in his mouth so he bled out while gagging on his own foreskin.”

“My God,” I said in shock.

She smiled. “I still replay that night in my head often.” Her fingers clenched around the railing. “Evie deserved better. She was only a child. If I had known what we were, what we could do, she would have lived. Yet, my mother hid our ancestry from us, and Evie was brutally murdered.”

“Did your mother even know about your witch heritage?”

“She did but hid it in fear of what others would think. She only confessed it once I had murdered my father in front of her, and then turned my power on her.”

“You killed your parents?”

“I did, and I have never regretted it … not once. They deserved what they got. You’re lucky you have a family who truly cares for one another. That kind of devotion was something I only ever felt towards Evie.”

“I am lucky,” I replied, grateful for the women I had come to adore .

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yes. But there’s one more thing I need to know before I decide to follow you into the desert.”

“I’m listening.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. I knew I would do almost anything for Deus.

“Lucifer,” I began slowly, “if he were to regain his soul and attempt to make things right between the two of you … professed his love and desire to be with you again … would you side with him? Would you betray us?”

She became deathly still. I was unsure if she even breathed.

“The difference, little tribrid, between your mate and mine, is that somewhere deep inside, Asmodeus retained the angelic part that made him good … that made him worthy of you. When he met you, that ember reignited, softening his heart, allowing him to love you completely. I can see that with Belphegor and Giana, Satan and Lilith, even Levi and your cousin, though they are not mated.

“Lucifer destroyed that part of himself long before he fell. I was foolish to think our love would be strong enough to awaken it. Regardless, he is the love of my life, and even after everything, I would never change that. The good moments that we shared together were still worth all of this. Even if, in the end, our love isn’t everlasting.

“He made his choice, and I have made mine. I know him better than I know myself. He will never change. Nothing he can say or do will change the course of what is to come. But don’t be fooled, Seren. I am not doing this to save the world, or to protect your friends and family. I am going to destroy him as my revenge for destroying me first.”

“Thank you for being honest,” I replied.

Talia’s gaze fell while she turned slowly towards me. “Speaking of honesty, there is something you need to know.” Talia paused. “The sacrifice you will need to make in order to defeat Lucifer will require more than just your earthly body.”

I paused. “What is the cost?” I whispered, unsure if I truly wanted to know.

“Everything. Your entire existence.”

“What do you mean?”

“In order for you to overpower Lucifer, you will have to flood your life force into him, forfeiting the part of you that he gave to save you … forfeiting your life in the process.”

My heart fell. “The ultimate death?”

She nodded. “He is the strongest thing that has ever been created besides you and me. It will take everything you have … everything you are, to put him down for good. I would willingly make the sacrifice, but the gate only activates with my life force. I wanted to make sure that no one would be able to contain my mate except me.”

“So … what happens to Hell?”

“It will remain. Lucifer’s essence will live within Hell, so the natural order of that realm will be balanced. The brothers, I assume, will have to manage Pride’s territories since it will no longer have a leader.”

“And … Deus … what becomes of him?”

“That, I am afraid, I cannot answer.”

Everything inside of me went silent. I would never be able to see Deus again. Nor my family, or any of the brothers. I would cease to exist. There would be no afterlife for me. I would just be … gone.

In that moment, being the queen of Hell sounded a lot better than this alternative. Yet, an existence without pain or suffering … what would that even be? The thought of no longer existing was unfathomable to me.

“I am sorry,” she said, breaking the silence. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but with your wedding … I didn’t think it was the appropriate time.”

I shook my head, trying to wrap my mind around this. “No, you were right to wait. Thank you for at least allowing me that small moment of happiness.”

She nodded uncomfortably.

“But Deus will remain alive,” I whispered, trying to make sense of it all. “He will have to go on living and acting out his sin, to make sure the balance remains.” My veins filled with fire at the thought of him falling in love with another. The notion made me want to burn the entire world to the ground. I would make the ultimate sacrifice, only to have my mate forced to take others because I no longer existed. Because I sacrificed our happiness … my life, so everyone else can live.

“Love is a curse, Seren, is it not?”

“I’m beginning to think so.”

We stood on the edge of that balcony for what seemed like forever, until the sun rose over the horizon, signaling a new day. I allowed myself to go through the emotions of what I would feel. Of what was to come. I had to stop suppressing it and come to terms with my destiny.

“Beautiful,” complimented Lilith, “now, do it again.”

I moved my feet back into the offensive stance and swung the sword through the air, nailing the target perfectly at every contact point. I slammed the sword into the dummy with all my might, exerting my emotions and pent-up energy. I roared with anger and the metal blade went flying. My vision blurred and I screamed, the burden I carried overcoming me. The sword sang through the air, shattering into pieces as it sliced deep into the target.

The vibrations from the impact rattled up my arms. I released the hilt and the pieces sprinkled to the floor. I looked at what I had done, breathing heavily from the anger and darkness that was enveloping me. I wanted to destroy Lucifer. I wanted it to be slow and agonizing, so he would feel even an ounce of what he had caused me … of what he would cost me.

My head was fuzzy. My heart pounded in my chest, sending my blood rushing. My fists clenched, forcing the veins in my arms to protrude. I gritted my teeth, willing this darkness to fade, but it was intoxicating.

“Seren,” Lilith said, softer than her usual assertive tone. I snapped my eyes to her, still breathing heavily. “Your eyes.”

I took in my reflection in the mirrored wall to my left. My eyes were black as night. Small blue veins stretched from my sockets, traveling through the veins on my face like the roots of a tree. The blackish streams continued down my neck to my chest and arms. My sun- kissed skin had turned white as snow, a stark contrast to the black.

I grabbed my head, trying to force the darkness to subside, but focusing on it only seemed to make it grow. The well of power began to overflow, my body trembling from the force. The dark, inky substance inside of me slithered through my limbs, taunting me to play.

Needing it to stop, I gave in, the power reaching the surface. With one massive push, I thrust my hands towards the wall of mirrors. Tendrils of dark, silky magic exploded from my hands, shattering the wall into dust, straight through the foundation, blasting an opening in the side of the mountain.

But it wasn’t enough. The power surged through me, more alive now that I had opened the box and let it out. The stone floor cracked, sending spiderweb fractures through the room and up the walls. Everything faded into the darkness as it took control.

I took a breath, a real breath, for the first time in a long time. My fears, worries, and stress faded. I heard myself laughing as I stretched my body, taken by the chaos. I was weightless. Powerful. Invincible.

I began to levitate. This room, this castle, this world was too small. Another loud boom ruptured through the air and then … I was free.

I continued to rise, the smooth caress of this forbidden magic dancing around my body, slithering across my skin like a lover’s caress. God, this felt incredible. Then, something tightened around me, compressing my magic, preventing me from unleashing it again. I fought against it, but the force was strong, and familiar.

I opened my eyes and the darkness cleared from my vision to reveal Talia floating in front of me. Her skin was pale and opaque, bluish-black ink spreading through her veins. Her eyes were black like mine, except a faded white fog swirled within them.

She opened her arms wide, then slammed her hands together, constricting the barrier around me. I couldn’t move, my hands, legs, and head frozen by her magical force. I groaned, my power fighting to be free as she pulled me back to the ground.

As soon as my feet touched the stone, two arms wrapped around my body while Talia’s magic continued to hold me captive. I thrashed, trying to fight my way back to my euphoric state. I heard myself screaming in an unnatural pitch. My head spun as I shook, trying to free myself .

The arms tightened, holding my head firmly against my captor. The magic inside of me burned like fire. At first, it asked nicely to be released. When I couldn’t free it, the magic began to beg, scratching inside of my soul. Soon the scratching turned into thrashing and tearing within me, as it ripped its way through my veins like a ravaged animal trying to escape.

I screamed from the pain of it all. My skin was drenched in sweat. Streams of tears fell from my eyes while my head spun and my stomach heaved. I felt like I was dying. The magical barrier finally let go, allowing me to move. My hands clawed desperately at my arms, trying to dig the substance out so the pain would stop. The arms around me tightened just as warm blood began to trickle from my skin.

“Breathe,” I heard a muffled female voice above me. “You are in control. It obeys you. Do not let it take control.”

I took a few staggered breaths, trembling from head to toe.

“That’s it,” the voice said again. “Now, create a box in your mind and call the darkness into it.”

I did as the voice said, imagining a large metal prison, fused together with magic. I stood next to it while the dark magic thrashed and fought not to be contained. All around me, the magic dug in its nails, resisting the trap. Finally, after the last of the poison entered the box, I slammed the lid shut. The cube rattled and screamed, the power fighting to be free once again.

I took a deep breath, the burning in my veins ceasing. My vision cleared as my body flung forward, gasping for air. The arms released me just before I hurtled over on all fours and retched my guts onto the floor. I sat back on my knees, taking in the destruction I had caused.

Two out of the four exterior walls were completely gone. The roof on the training facility was blown apart, snow from outside sprinkling around us. The floor was cracked and broken apart, no longer level or usable. All the glass in the area was shattered. The training equipment was destroyed and every blade in the room now protruded from the eastern wall.

The princes along with Lilith and Talia stood around me. Their faces twisted with confusion and fear. I turned behind me and found Deus’s expression full of concern and worry. I didn’t know what to say. Talia stood above me, her skin and eyes reverted back to their natural coloring.

“I …” I tried to speak, but couldn’t find the words.

“His power requires a very specific amount of control,” she said, arching an eyebrow, assessing me.

“Did … did anyone get hurt?” I asked.

“Lilith was able to get everyone out,” answered Deus, running a hand down my back. “We shifted people out of the castle just in case.”

“Oh, my God,” I whispered, covering my face in shame.

“What in the fuck was that?” asked Mammon.

“That is what happens when Luc’s power goes unchecked,” answered Talia. “It took me years to master it, even with his help.”

“Fantastic,” exclaimed Belz. “We have a ticking time bomb on our hands.”

“Something must have provoked it,” Gor said. “What were you doing beforehand?”

“Just training,” Lilith answered. “She was practicing her sword positions. She got a little overzealous and shattered the blade on a dummy … then, the change started.”

Talia’s eyes never left me. “Please,” I whispered into her mind, “get me out of here. I don’t want to be interrogated … not now.”

“Your mate isn’t going to leave your side,” she replied, glancing behind me to Deus.

“Just make something up,” I begged. I felt Talia’s eyes on me, but I didn’t meet them again.

A violent tug on my arm hoisted me into the air, but Deus grabbed my other side, preventing me from standing.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded.

“I’m removing a potential threat,” Talia answered, pulling on my arm again.

“You aren’t taking her anywhere,” he growled, pulling me into his chest.

“She is obviously unstable,” Talia said. “She could go off again at any moment. Let me take her somewhere safe until she can stabilize herself. I can teach her how to maintain control.”

“Deus,” I whispered, looking up at him with desperation. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. Let me go … please.”

“Then I’m coming with you,” he answered.

I shook my head. “No. I won’t be able to focus. Please. I will be okay.”

He examined me for a moment with confusion and hurt. “You’re not going with her alone,” he said firmly.

“We’ll take Lilith,” said Talia. Lilith nodded, accepting the invitation silently.

Deus’s hands tightened on me. “I don’t understand why you’re pushing me away,” he said into my mind.

“I’m not, my love. I just need to figure this part of myself out on my own. Talia is the best chance I have to control this wilderness inside of me.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I’ll be back by morning, I promise,” I said, kissing him softly on the lips. The pain I was causing him flickered down the bridge. “I love you.”

“I love you. Hurry home.”

Talia, Lilith and I joined hands, and Talia shifted us out of the rubble. Her magic tore around us, more aggressive than any of the princes. It was violent and agitated like a beast caged, trying to escape.