Page 13

Chapter thirteen

I returned to my room feeling as if a weight had been lifted. Nonna had agreed to my crazy plan, even though I knew it had killed her. I shut the door behind me softly. Antonio and Giana had left, which I was thankful for. I needed some quiet.

The doors to my terrace were open, the cold breeze shifting the curtain panels. A figure strolled into the room casually. He was dressed in his normal black tailored suit with a red tie. His hair was perfectly parted on the side, the dark strands glistening in the sunlight that followed him.

Deus.

I smiled softly as he examined me from head to toe. “You left without even telling me goodbye,” he said in his deep and sensual voice. “To say I’m offended is an understatement.” He looked down at me with those crystal blue eyes.

“I wrote you a note. Plus, I didn’t want to add more to your plate,” I replied, fiddling with my hands, trying not to reach for him. “I figured you’d want some alone time, to deal with everything.”

“And why would I want that?”

I shrugged. “I just haven’t felt like I’ve been much comfort for you. I didn’t think my absence would be noticed.”

His brow furrowed before his eyes softened. He reached out, running a hand down my arm. I shivered with a sudden weakness at the contact. “We’ve been separated long enough,” he said softly, pulling me in closer to him. “I don’t want to be without you. Not for one more moment. And you have been comforting. Being close to you … it makes things easier and reminds me I’m alive.”

I smiled, looking down at my hands. “I miss you,” I whispered.

His fingers slid underneath my chin, bringing my eyes to his. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you like you’ve needed. I know none of this has been easy for you either.”

I swallowed, trying to refrain from breaking in front of him. “After everything we’ve both been through, I just don’t want to waste another minute. I don’t want to look back and regret the time we didn’t take advantage of. I don’t want Lucifer to take another moment from us. He’s stolen enough.”

He smiled at me. “I agree. But just so we’re clear,” he said, sliding his arm around my waist, tangling his other hand in the nape of my hair. He gently angled my face up to his, expression full of love and passion. “I plan to spend the rest of our existence worshiping the very ground you walk on.”

The tears came fiercely at his declaration. I ran my hand down the side of his face softly. He turned into my touch, closing his eyes. Little did he know, my life already had an expiration date stamped into it.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, needing any part of him he was able to give.

His smile faded into hesitation, before he leaned down ever so slowly. He brushed his lips against mine, soft and testing.

The feeling of him—the taste—it was overpowering. I needed more. I needed him. I needed my mate.

I pulled him closer, claiming him with my mouth. My fingers tangled through his hair. I slid my tongue along his lips, and he parted them slowly. Frantically, my hands slid across his body, needing more. I pulled his jacket off, dropping it to the floor as I moved my fingers to the buttons of his shirt. I undid one, then two, before he stopped me, pulling my hands back.

I whimpered, staggering back from him. I was being selfish. He had asked for time and here I was, forcing myself on him. But there was something inside of me that just … needed the intimacy. The connection. I needed him.

I couldn’t look at him as I pulled my wrists from his grasp. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair.

“I’m sorry,” I was able to choke out, wiping the tears from my face. I stepped away, trying to find something else in the room to focus on. My gut twisted with embarrassment, desire, frustration, and anger. I didn’t know what emotion to focus on or which was more aggressive. My cheeks warmed as my hands shook slightly. Embarrassment. Embarrassment had won.

“Love,” he whispered, taking a step towards me.

I held out my hand to stop him, still unable to look in his direction.

“This has nothing to do with you,” he said, his shoulders slack. “Please believe me when I tell you that. There is nothing for you to feel embarrassed over.”

“Stay out of my head,” I snapped with more vigor than I had intended.

“Seren,” he whispered. I focused on the fireplace, fighting to hold myself together. Everything I had been through was now threatening to send me over a dark edge. I was bound to leap off sooner or later. “Seren, please look at me.”

“I … I need you to leave,” I admitted, feeling myself co me undone.

“No, love. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Deus, please,” I said, forcing myself to look at him. I was trembling, tears falling freely. He didn’t know that our time was limited. He didn’t know what I was feeling. Even with our bond, I had walled away enough of myself to keep my impending death from him. “I need to be alone right now.”

His face was wrecked with guilt. “I’m … I’m so sorry,” he said. “I’m trying. Please know that I am trying to get back to who I was.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you for any of this. It’s just … I need to heal myself, and being around you, I—"

He wrapped me in his arms, holding me close against his chest. “I’m right here,” he said, his voice now trembling. “I will do better. Please, don’t push me away.” He kissed my head softly. “Let’s go away … right now. Just like we talked about.”

“I just got home,” I said. There was so much I needed to do before Lucifer decided to come out of hiding and make good on his threat.

“I know, but we need this. We are stronger when we’re together. Being apart, it isn’t the answer.”

His eyes were so full of desperation. He was right … maybe we both needed time in a new place. Just the two of us.

I smiled softly and nodded.

He grinned. “Good,” he said. “I know just the place. We can leave now—”

“No,” I interrupted. He looked at me with confusion. “I need to talk to my family first. I don’t want to leave them again without saying goodbye.”

He nodded. “Understood. Tonight then?”

“Yes, tonight. ”

“You talk with your family, and I will get some things prepared.”

“And what is it that you are preparing?” I asked.

His eyes narrowed, focusing on my lips. A soft kiss followed. I left my hands at my sides, unsure of what parts of him I could touch. He pulled away with a smile.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” With that, he disappeared.

My emotions raged. Everything inside of me was on edge. The torment of the past months slammed into me like a wrecking ball. Losing Orion. Being tortured. Losing Deus. Going to Hell. Finding out I’m part demon. Lucifer’s threats. And now, the knowledge of my impending demise. In the next breath, I shifted myself to the top of a snowcapped mountain, where I knew I’d truly be alone.

I slammed a shield around my mind before unleashing everything inside of me. A loud boom and snap sounded like thunder as fire, ice, darkness, and everything in between exploded from inside of me. I howled at the top of my lungs, falling to the ground, my knees screaming from the impact. The mountain shook. Piles of rock and snow tumbled down the sides.

Finally, I let go of my magic, exhausting the rage inside of me. Quiet. Everything was so quiet. I allowed myself to fall into the soft, white pillow of comfort. Tears ran freely, even though I no longer felt myself crying. My body was still blazing with heat. The white dusting around me melted, seeping into my skin as I fizzled out. I screamed some more, allowing everything inside of myself to come to the surface.

“Why?” I wept, between each inhale of breath. “Why is this my life? Haven’t I gone through enough?” I asked to no one. I lay there, the wet snow cooling my burning heart. I closed my eyes, drifting into a soothing darkness of my own making.

When I woke, my skin was frigid, and my teeth rattled together. The wind had picked up. A storm was coming. I stood, my power already replenishing as I shifted back to my room. I stumbled when my feet hit the solid surface, my head dizzy and vision blurry. My hair dripped on the carpet. My clothes clung to my body, half frozen.

“Looks like I have impeccable timing,” a voice came from my doorway. Tony shut the door behind him and took me in from head to toe. “Did you just get back from a swim?”

“Not exactly,” I replied, wrapping my arms around myself, shivering. “Can you give me a second?”

“Of course,” he said, showing himself to my seating area.

I pulled dry clothes from the closet and took a quick, smoldering hot shower to defrost my frozen skin. I slid the warm sweater and leggings on before returning to my room. Tony sat causally, one leg crossed over the other as he stared into the fireplace.

“I thought you and your family would be together tonight,” I said, taking a seat next to him.

“We have been,” he answered, giving me a small smile. “Thanks to you.”

I smiled back. He took my hand, leaning close to my face. I looked into his hazel eyes, still seeing fragments of the man I once loved.

“How will I ever repay you?” he asked.

“I don’t want anything. I just want G to be happy.”

He huffed, pulling away. “Right … about her happiness ,” he said, looking back into the fire.

“I’m assuming you’ve now met Gor?”

“My sister in love with the Prince of Sloth. My ex-fiancé mated to the Prince of Lust. And her cousin in love with the Prince of Envy. I’m living a nightmare.”

I laughed, hitting him in the arm. “They aren’t that bad. Gor especially. He’s my second favorite.”

“Good to know you approve. My father about had a heart attack. My mother is beside herself.”

“Nonna and Aunt Thora had the same reaction. Once you get to know him, you’ll feel differently. I’m sure of it.”

He sat silent, studying my face. “You found your prince?” he asked.

I nodded.

“And you brought him back. Against all odds?”

I nodded again.

“And to think, a little over a year ago I found you so helpless inside that prison you once called home. I never could have imagined how remarkable you’d become.”

“You can stop now,” I said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Are you happy, Seren?” he asked, as if he could see the trauma I hid deep inside.

I shrugged. “I don’t think I’m meant to be happy, Antonio,” I answered honestly.

“Even now that Deus is back?”

“He’s … he went through a lot. He’s in the process of healing.”

“And what about you?”

What was the point? I asked myself silently. I would be dead soon enough. “I’m fine, Tony.”

“You forget,” he said, moving a piece of hair from my face. “I know you better than you think.”

I thought back to our time together.

“I think,” I said softly. “I think the last time I was truly happy was right before I found out you were working with my mother. I was so oblivious then. I didn’t know I was the vessel. Lucifer wasn’t trying to kill me. The people around me were safe and happy. I was happy. I had a future I was looking forward to … building towards.”

“And now?”

“Now … I’m just taking things day by day.”

“I regret what happened between us each and every day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think ‘what if’.”

“I know,” I said softly. “But even if you could go back, it wouldn’t change anything. Deus would have eventually found me, and fate would have taken its course.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in fate?”

I shrugged. “I think we’re all put on this earth for a reason. Regardless if we like the outcome or not, I’m learning that fate will always find a way to correct its course.”

“What are you talking about, beautiful?” His brow furrowed.

“Nothing,” I whispered, realizing I had admitted too much. “Forget what I said.” I went to stand, but he caught my arm, pulling me back down beside him. He held me there, cupping my cheek with his hand.

“What is going on in that lovely head of yours?” he asked, searching my eyes for answers. “Let me help you. Let me in. I know after everything you don’t trust me fully, but I am here for you, Seren. I want to help. I want to see you happy again.”

“Tony,” I whispered, heaviness settling deep inside of me. “There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do.”

“I hate seeing you like this. I want … I want you to smile. To truly smile and mean it.”

I huffed. “I think I’m all out of smiles for this lifetime. ”

“Seren,” he said, brushing his thumb against my cheek. Before he could say another word, a hand shot out and wrapped around Tony’s wrist. His hand was pried away from my face with force. Deus stood behind the couch, looking at Tony murderously. Tony grimaced in pain.

“I suggest,” growled Deus in a threatening tone, “you refrain from touching my mate.” Deus’s teeth flashed. A threatening rumble sounded deep inside of him. I stood and placed a hand on Deus’s forearm, pulling him away.

“Stop,” I demanded. Deus let go. Tony stood to his feet instantly. He looked at me for instruction, knowing better than to challenge a Prince of Hell. “I’ll find you later, Tony.”

“I meant what I said,” Tony whispered, looking at me with compassion. I gave him a small smile and nodded. He left the room without another word.

Deus was fuming, his chest rising and falling dramatically. I didn’t have the energy to defend myself. What was the point? I walked around the couch, heading for the door.

“Are we not going to discuss what I just walked in on?” he barked, his voice laced with rage.

“There’s nothing to discuss. I have to go see Nonna. I’ll be back in a moment.” Without waiting for him to respond, I left.

When I opened Nonna’s door, she and my mother were huddled together on the couch, discussing something in private. They turned to me as I approached.

“Everything okay, bambina?” asked Nonna.

“Yes,” I replied. “I was coming to tell you that I’ll be leaving for a bit. I know I just got here, and I didn’t want to leave again without saying goodbye.”

“Where are you going?” my mother asked with concern.

“Deus and I are going away for a bit. Just the two of us.”

My mother stood and looked from Nonna to me. “Do you think that’s wise right now with Lucifer’s threat?” she asked.

“Our spies haven’t reported any movement on his part,” I answered. “Plus, Deus and I could use this time to heal.”

Nonna nodded. “I agree. Have fun, bambina.”

“Mamma,” exclaimed Annalise.

Nonna turned her eyes towards her daughter. “Seren is a grown woman,” Nonna said softly. “A very powerful woman, who happens to be mated to a very powerful Prince of Hell. She will be fine.”

I smiled at both of them before turning to leave.

“Little bean,” my mother called after me. “I … I hope you and Deus have a nice time.”

“Thank you,” I replied, returning to my room.

When I arrived, Deus was standing on the balcony, leaning against the doorway. I felt his discontentment through the bond. He looked over his shoulder at me as I entered and approached him, leaning against the other side of the frame.

“Nothing was happening,” I said softly.

“Could have fooled me,” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is this because … because I’m not ready to be with you physically? Is the lust you’re experiencing because of my power that hard to resist?” It seemed an effort to get the question out.

“You really think that little of me and our relationship?” I was offended that the thought had even crossed his mind.

“You loved him once. He obviously still harbors hope for the two of you … thus his daily regret as he put it. ”

“How long where you eavesdropping?”

“Long enough to know that the last time you remember truly being happy was with him.” He looked down to his feet and smiled uncomfortably. “This world is cruel. I’m physically not designed to be monogamous, yet here I am, gifted with you, my mate, and I’ve already failed. Only mated for a few months, and you’re already realizing you’d be better off without me.”

“That’s not it at all, Deus. I don’t regret our bond, and I don’t want anyone but you. That time with Tony that I spoke of … that was before everything. Before I knew I was the goddess and part demon. Before I knew about Lucifer and his deal with my mother. Of course that time was more peaceful. I was still in the dark.”

He didn’t look at me. “I should have stayed away. I should have never sought you out that day in the woods. Orion … even the Simonelli boy were better options.”

“Well, there’s no going back now,” I said, losing control over my temper.

“Maybe. Maybe there’s a way out of the bond.”

A punch of disbelief hit me in the gut. “What?” I whispered.

“There has to be a spell or something that will free you from me.”

I swallowed. “Is that what you want?”

His eyes finally met mine. “I love you, Seren. More than anything. I want you to be happy. Even if that means … even if I must walk away.”

Fury built inside of me. I was done with the kid gloves. After everything I had gone through to get him back, the audacity of this man to even suggest what he just had. Before I could think twice, my hand flew through the air, making contact with his face.

Slap . His head jerked to the side from the impact. He slowly turned back to me, his jaw clenched. Something had shifted behind his eyes. I stood my ground, letting the rage overcome me.

“You are a selfish prick,” I snarled. “A selfish, stupid, inconsiderate asshole.”

“I know.”

“Oh, shut the hell up,” I snapped. “You are going to listen to me without saying a damn word and then, we are never going to have this conversation again.” I took a breath. “I did love Tony once. Another version of me did, at least, but that girl … that stupid, blind hopeless girl is gone. Since then, I have watched those around me die. I have killed, fought, bled, cried, and been tortured. Yet, through it all, I have grown. I am stronger, wiser, and braver. Much of that is thanks to you.” He looked away, but I turned his face back to mine, forcing him to look at me.

“Everything in my life has led me to you, and I don’t regret one damn moment of it.” His brow furrowed as he closed his eyes. “You died for me, Deus. You sacrificed your life to save mine and I fought like hell to get you back, yet you stand here, allowing your own doubt and insecurities to rob us of this miracle that we made happen. I am done watching you beat yourself up for things that are in the past. I am done listening to you try and talk me out of loving you, and I am done watching you try and push me away.

“It’s not going to happen. I am not walking away from you. Nothing you’ve done in your past scares me, nor does it make me love you any less. I am your mate. We were made from the same source that now flows through us. And even if I had a choice as to who my mate was … I would still pick you. I’d always pick you. There has never and will never be another, better choice than you. ”

A tear fell from his eye.

“So no,” I continued, “I do not want to find a way to release myself from you, because even if we did … I’d still fight like hell to be with you, and I’d still love you with my entire heart. But I won’t stand here and watch you destroy yourself. I know you are healing, and I will be at your side every step of the way, but I want … no, I demand that my Deus be returned to me.

“The playful, confident, cocky, demon prince who risked everything to save me. The man who his brothers look up to with pride. Who rebelled against Lucifer. Who reigns over Hell and earth. Whose subjects serve him not out of force, but out of choice and honor. I want the man who … who wasn’t afraid to love me. Who would sacrifice anything for that love.

“I’m begging you, Asmodeus, please … put what happened behind you. Allow yourself to heal. Focus on us and this gift we’ve been given … a second chance to live … to love. I need you, Asmodeus. I need you more than the air I breathe.” Tears fell from my eyes as I trembled.

It seemed as if a layer of his pain melted away. Even though he was still buried in ice, it was progress. He ran his hand down the side of my face and smiled.

“Do you know what I did when the realization that you were my mate finally set in?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I prayed,” he whispered. “I got on my knees and prayed to my Father, thanking him for giving me you.” He laughed, shaking his head. “A demon, praying to God the Father. No one would believe it, but that’s what I did. I couldn’t fathom why or how I had somehow been cut from the same cloth as you. Even knowing everything that I am, everything I’ve done, you are still here, fighting for us … for me.”

“That will never change,” I said, wrapping my arms around him.

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

“So, you’ve told me,” I said with a shrug.

“I think that might be what I love most about you. Your determination and vigor. Even though you have the innate ability to drive me completely insane.”

“It’s a family trait.”

“Oh, I am fully aware. The others have a bet going as to which of us will go insane first; Levi or me.” I laughed. He smiled, looking down at me. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For telling me what I needed to hear. For calling me out and reminding me of everything I have to live for.”

“It was selfish. I shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t,” he said, placing his thumb over my lips. “Don’t doubt yourself. I know everything you said came from a place of love. And you were right. Lucifer has stolen enough from us, and I refuse to allow him to come between us.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Now, unless you had planned to meet up with another one of your ex’s, may I suggest we be on our way?”

I hit him in the chest. He took me in his arms and we shifted between time and space, until I was greeted by the sweet scent of saltwater and sand.