Page 27 of Blood Loss (The Obscura Saga #2)
KY L O
Day 16Saturday, September 6, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Got to see my parents again today. It was…awkward to say the least, now that they know everything. And I’m having trouble forgiving my dad for how he treated you. But I need their support. After a while we decided to play some board games. Ended up playing all day actually. Mom gets pretty competitive, you know how she is, so by the end it was us against her. She still won, even danced around the table to show off while dad and I laughed.
Danny says I’m progressing positively, but I need time. It’s still hard, and it’s gonna be hard for a long time, but I’m taking the right steps to get there.
Gods, I wanna get there.
Day 17Sunday, September 7, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Danny and I are starting to focus on strength training. I said I wanna be as strong as you one day, buuut that might take a while.
Oh! And at lunch I met a guy named Isaac, a mer also getting clean from stardust. He’s really cool, you guys would totally be friends. He’s an illustrator making his own comics, and is at ARC to get better for his wife. We talked about working on a comic book together when we get out. How sick is that? My writing would actually make it somewhere!
Day 18Monday, September 8, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Officially got a diagnosis from the psychiatrist.
PTSD, drug addiction (obviously), and fawning as a trauma response.
I compromise my boundaries to ensure others like me, or I please people in my life to avoid conflict. While I did try standing my ground to Trevor in the auditorium (apparently my subconscious was attempting to break the cycle), in everyday life I’m still codependent. I’ll still appease others even if it means harming myself in the process. When I’m unable to do that, I resort to substances to make myself feel better.
I need to be good, to be enough, to make everyone happy. And because I locked away all my trauma at the back of my head, ignoring it over and over and over again, it eventually came out in the only way it knew how. Reliance on substances and PTSD-induced psychosis.
Just a recovering people pleaser.
Kinda fucked. But now you know.
Day 19Tuesday, September 9, 2025
Hey,
Turns out life doesn’t magically get easier when you have a diagnosis.
I got medication to take daily to help with the PTSD and aid my “healing journey.” Nurse gave it to me at breakfast but I had a panic attack and threw it up. I’m so fucking scared of taking any drug, of restarting another addiction. I don’t wanna do this again, Lathan. I can’t. I can’t be an addict all my life. FUCK.
I’m in the counsellor’s office right now. It’s safe here. Quiet. They said I could try again later with their help but it’s just overwhelming.
Sorry for the tears on the paper. It’s been a hard day.
Day 20Wednesday, September 10, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Isaac heard about yesterday, so he visited me and we hung out in a quiet corner of the common room. We took our meds together (his idea) and it was easier. To know I wasn’t alone. We sat and talked about our partners for hours, happy memories we’re holding onto. Hope.
While night may reign
For unending days,
I’ll never forsake
That familiar glow.
Like light in the dark,
You guide my way home.
Day 21Thursday, September 11, 2025
Lathan!
I did it! I hit my lifting goal!
I can officially benchpress 135lbs. Danny even threw me a little celebration.
Better look out, soon you’ll have competition in the muscle department. If I keep it up, I might even be able to throw you around in the bedroom without shifting. ;)
I can see it now: KYLO ALEXANDER GARCIA—STRONGEST ALPHA IN ALL OF ETHER.
Okay, maybe not that far, but a guy can dream.
Day 22Friday, September 12, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Been another busy day, but I’m okay. I miss you so damn much. Can’t wait to blow this popsicle stand and give you the biggest hug. I’m not sure I’ll be able to let go.
Day 23Saturday, September 13, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Visitation day went a lot smoother this time around. Má says she can see my improvements, and Dad didn’t agree but I saw him get a little misty-eyed, so I guess he feels the same. Even made me tear up.
We didn’t do much though, just played more board games, but this time I won against both of them. Not convinced my mom didn’t just let me win, but she says she didn’t so that’s the story we’re going with.
Day 24Sunday, September 14, 2025
Hey Lathan,
So Charlie’s not so hippie-dippie after all. He’s really helped me control my shifts and my emotions. And now that stardust is completely out of my system, I feel clear-headed. It’s like my senses are sharpening again. And, if I really focus, I can feel our bond, even this far away. It’s dull, but it’s there.
You’re there.
Day 25Monday, September 15, 2025
They say time heals all wounds
But no scholar nor theory
No wise man nor fool
Knows which threads
Time will use
Each suture a mystery
Its secrets untold
Each stitch is unique
Formed to a soul
They say time heals all wounds
But no man nor wolf
No demon nor fae
Knows how far I’ll go
To be with you
Day 26Tuesday, September 16, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Last night was the first full moon in rehab. The staff locked me up with the two other wolves, but when I didn’t go into Power Hour, they released me. Instead, Danny bargained with the staff to let me go outside to run, trusting me to come back.
I don’t know what it took to convince them, but it worked.
Gods, I felt so free. The wind in my fur.
I haven’t been outside in a month, only seeing it through ARC’s barred windows or in the hospital.
I ran to a hill and howled .
I howled ballads of love and longing to the moon. I don’t know for how long, but my lungs pushed until my throat was sore, praying to the gods you would hear it. Hear me.
When I returned to the building, I shifted back with ease, as if my body was ready. The meditations have really helped me make peace with my beast, accepting my new form with kindness and the willingness to listen and learn.
One day I’ll show you.
Day 27Wednesday, September 17, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Today we did a workshop where they encouraged us to write a list of all the things we want to do when we go back home. So, here’s my list:
I want to hug you, feel your warmth on my skin, take in that citrus musk of yours and scent everything you own so you never go without me again.
I want to see our apartment and decorate it with you.
I want to take you to dinner and treat you to anything and everything you want.
I wanna watch a movie in bed, like the good ol’ days.
I wanna go out with Ellie and Eunice like before.
I wanna graduate. Gods, I wanna enter the next chapter of our lives by your side.
I want us to travel to see Kianna, Bruce, and Mateo. Or even Lucas, the smug bastard.
I want us to build a family together.
Fuck, Lathan, there’s so much I wanna do and everything includes you.
You and me, forever and always.
Day 28Thursday, September 18, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Isaac went home today. I saw him off and we swapped our phone numbers to keep in touch. Wished him all the best with his wife and the family they want to start.
It was tough to see him go, but he’s worked so hard to get clean in the two months he’s been here. I’m so proud of how far he’s come.
Damn, guess I’m not healed yet cause a few tears fell on the page again. I didn’t even mean to cry. Guess no amount of therapy can take away my sensitive ass emotions haha.
I’m happy for him, but I’m also jealous… I miss you so damn much. But if he can do it, so can I.
Just three days to go, mi amor. I love you.
Day 29Friday, September 19, 2025
Hey Lathan,
Today was the last day of group, meditation, and training with Danny. Hate to say it but I think I’ m gonna miss that prick. He’s been my rock the last few weeks. He was there to kick my ass into gear, but he also gave me the grace I needed when the darkness felt too heavy to breathe.
Charlie and I had a good talk after our last meditation session.
After the frequency, he hypothesizes that my body adjusted to an ancient animalistic way of being. Something more connected to the world around me, more connected to you, my mate. Our bond is deeper, not just during a full moon like other werewolves. It’s a way to sense each other, communicate, and protect each other. But stardust blocked that neural pathway, blocked my instincts. Now that it’s open again, I need to be more mindful of what I send down the bond to you. It’s my job as an Alpha to take care of you, and I want nothing more.
It’s my dedication to you. Us against the world.
Day 30Saturday, September 20, 2025
Hey Lathan,
I can’t believe I go home tomorrow.
It’s felt like an eternity since I last saw you. There’s so much I need to tell you, so much I want to know. Gods, I can hardly sit still to write this. I just wanna go to bed and wake up to your face.
Today was my last visitation day. Mom and Dad were pretty emotional. I see where I get it now. Spent a lot of time hugging and crying. They’re scared to let me go, but I can’t stay with them in Flagstaff. I need to finish my last year of school, I need to graduate, I need you. They gave my flight tickets to the staff, and said they’d give them to me on discharge. ARC even has a shuttle to take me to the airport.
I want nothing more than to see you, kiss you, smell you, feel you again. My heart aches just thinking about it.
I once thought I was nothing.
Worthless and bound for failure.
But then I met a vampire
Who changed my life forever.
I may have marked your body,
But you have marked my soul.
Written there, upon my heart
Is your name engraved in bold.
Now I think I’m something.
Terrified but bound for more.
All for the sake of a vampire,
My eternal paramour.