Page 42 of Blood & Bond (The Bouchers #2)

“What’s going on?” she asked, wrapping her hands around my wrists. “Where is your head at?”

I’d been going through the motions since we found out that the perimeter had been breached at the house, and we’d been an hour away.

Focusing on the next thing I had to do, then the next thing, then the next thing.

It was the only way I’d been able to function without completely losing my mind.

That had transformed into my obsession with making sure that Lucy was okay, that she was healing, that she had everything she needed.

I’d sat beside her while she slept, changed and re-changed her bandages so I could check on her stitches, braided her hair back from her face.

Once she was awake, I’d been determined to give her whatever she needed to be okay emotionally.

A punching bag? Of course. I’d deserved every bit of it.

A shoulder to lean on. No question. A third wheel while she and her brother watched bad movies and talked about things I had no reference for? Any time.

Then we’d found Zeke’s files, and I’d been distracted by those. They were a tangible thing that I could work on. Another step closer to keeping Lucy safe indefinitely. If we could find out for sure who was funding the operation, we could take it out at the knees.

Follow the money. Follow the money. Follow the money.

It wasn’t until we’d stepped away from it all, and I’d watched her scampering through the woods, smiling and healthy, that the wave of guilt finally hit me.

It sat solid and unyielding in my chest. Too heavy to carry. Too big to ignore anymore.

“Oh Gods,” I mumbled, staring at her beautiful face. The freckle on her cheek. The big brown eyes and straight nose that curved up a little at the end. The plump lips that had started to tremble as she stared back at me.

I could’ve lost her.

“Ambrose, what ?” she whispered.

“I am so sorry,” I choked out. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“For what?” she asked, trying to shake her head. “You’re scaring me.”

“I wasn’t here to protect you,” I ground out, my hands tightening on her face. “I abandoned you.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did. I fucking left, and I was too far away to get back to you.”

“Stop,” she pleaded. “Just stop.”

“We came as fast as we could,” I continued. “I swear. Danny went twice the speed limit, but it didn’t matter. I was trying to get back to you. Did you know I was coming?”

At some point, I’d started to cry, and I couldn’t seem to stop. I blinked hard, trying to clear my eyes as her face grew blurry.

“Of course I knew,” she said softly, reaching out to slide her hand around the back of my neck.

“I got back as fast as I could,” I repeated. “I tried.”

“I knew you were on your way.”

“It took so fucking long to get home,” I ground out. “And you were here waiting, and I didn’t come.”

“You did ,” she argued. “You got here.”

“I was too late. You waited for me to come, and I was too late.”

“Stop,” she cried softly, pressing her hand on top of mine on her cheek. “Stop it. Where is this coming from?” She turned her head and kissed my palm. “Baby, you came for me. I know that. I always knew you were coming.”

“It happened again,” I rasped, staring into her eyes. “It happened again, and it was my fault this time.”

“Ambrose, let’s go inside,” she said, her hand on my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on. What happened again?”

“He waited,” I explained, my words tumbling over each other. “I know he waited for us to come get him. He knew we’d come for him. He was sure of it. I know he was sure of it, and we didn’t .”

“Oh,” Lucy breathed, her eyes filling with tears.

“I held him first,” I continued, the words so fast that they were barely understandable.

“My father caught him. He was so small. And he was covered in all this gross shit, and he went to hand him to my mom but she said no . She said, ‘Give him to Ulf. Ulf should hold him first.’ So I did. And he weighed less than my father’s axe.

He was so small and wiggly, and he was crying, and she said, ‘Don’t forget to protect his neck. ’”

Pulling away from her, I turned and vomited onto the ground.

I braced my hands on my knees as I heaved over and over again.

Protect his neck, Ulf.

Moments later, Lucy’s hand landed on my back, and she rubbed it in a slow circle.

It took a few minutes before I was able to stand up straight again. Using the bottom of my shirt, I cleaned off my face before turning to back toward her.

“Let’s go inside,” she said quietly, reaching for my hand.

The silence was deafening as I followed her back to the house. I couldn’t get my head straight. The pressure was so intense, I felt like I was about to implode. I’d messed up too badly. I wasn’t sure how she could ever trust me again.

I still had no idea how my parents had ever forgiven me.

When we reached the kitchen, Lucy pulled me to a stop.

I lifted my head to find my father leaning against the counter.

He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again, dropping his head. When he raised it again to look at me, my throat tightened.

“It’s not your fault,” he finally said. “You’re not all-seeing, Ulf.”

I struggled for air.

“None of us knew until it was over. That was your brother’s decision. He could’ve informed us at any point, and he chose not to.” He cleared his throat. “You need to forgive yourself for that. It was never your fault to begin with.”

Lucy’s arm slid around my waist.

“I’m going to take him upstairs,” she said.

I let her tow me to our rooms. Inside, it was cool and quiet. I stood inside the door, unsure.

“I want to talk to you,” Lucy said, her voice low as she walked toward the bedroom.

I followed. When I stepped through the doorway, she was taking off her shirt.

“I think this discussion will work better without clothes,” she said simply. She stripped completely bare and then came to me. I let her pull off my shirt and tug my pants and boxers down my legs. Kneeling, she peeled my socks off.

Without a word, she led me to the bed.

When I lay down beside her, she scooted in close, wrapping her leg around my waist. She tucked her arms between us and cupped my jaw in her hands. The comfort of her skin against mine was instantaneous.

“Are you with me?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied, my voice crackling and hoarse.

“You came for me, Ulf,” she said firmly. “I knew you would. Every second was a countdown to when you’d get here. There was never any doubt in my mind. Not for a moment. Okay?”

I nodded.

“I knew I just had to do my best to get to that point.” She leaned up and kissed my chin. “I had to outlast them long enough for you to get there.”

My stomach lurched. “I understand.”

“I don’t think you do,” she replied, her thumb coasting over my cheekbone softly. “So I need you to hear this next part, okay?”

I nodded again, bracing myself.

“I have never in my life been able to count on someone to save me,” she said, her eyes sad. “I’ve always had to save myself. Always. Even as a child. I learned how to fight, and I learned how to shoot because I knew no one else would.”

“Luce,” I muttered, my chest aching.

“Until you.” She smiled. “I knew you were coming. I railed at you about how you left me behind because I was angry. That was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I fucked up when I did that. From the very beginning, you’ve done everything you could to keep me safe.”

“But I didn’t.”

“No, you didn’t,” she replied. “I did. But that’s not the point. I knew you were coming, baby. Don’t you see? That’s the point. The fact that you didn’t make it in time means nothing.” She gave a quick jerk of her head. “I knew you were coming, and that means everything .”

“I’ll always come for you,” I promised, sliding my hand into her hair.

“I know you will,” she replied.

“I tried.” My voice cracked.

“I know you did.”

“I’m sorry I lost it outside.”

“Hey,” she said soothingly. “Everyone has their moments. I think you probably needed to get some of that out.”

“I have nightmares sometimes,” I confessed. “Zeke’s sitting in the room where they held him, and he’s waiting for us. Every time there’s a noise outside, his head shoots up because he thinks it’s us, but we never come.”

“You saw where they held him?”

“It’s how I found you,” I replied. “The prisoners had a little hiding place in the wall where they left things. You know, little pieces of proof they’d been there. He put a photo of him and Charlie inside.”

Lucy let out a little breath, her lips curling up in the corners. “Of course he did.”

“We didn’t even know he had a mate until we found that photo.”

“Figures,” she said, her hand sliding down to wrap around my chest. “Seems like he kept a lot of secrets.”

“It kills me that I didn’t know about any of it.”

“I know.”

“He couldn’t keep a secret to save his life when he was little,” I muttered. “Danny noticed everything, but we could generally count on him to keep his mouth shut. With Zeke, all you’d have to do is look at him and he’d start confessing to things he thought of doing.”

Lucy laughed. “What a little narc.”

“He was so cute, though,” I mused. “It was hard to stay mad at the little bugger.”

“It’s okay to be angry at him now, you know,” she said carefully. “He deserves it. I’m pissed.”

I smiled at her and pressed a kiss to the end of her nose.

“He made bad choices, and he paid too much for them. I’m devastated by that. Not angry. I wish he’d come to me.”

She tucked her head under my chin, and we lay quietly for a long time. Eventually, I dozed off. When I woke back up, she’d pulled the comforter over us and was watching me silently.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“I was just about to wake you for dinner.”

“Shit,” I grumbled, reaching up to rub my eyes.

“Have you slept in the past few days?”

“Yes.”

“I’m guessing not enough,” she said wryly. She’d tucked her hands under her cheek, and her hair was fanned out over her bare shoulder. “From now on, I hope you’ll come to me when things are too much.”

“I can do that.”

“I’ve been thinking?—”

“Were you watching me sleep this whole time?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes and leaned up on her elbow. “You’ll always come for me, and I’ll always be your soft place to land, okay? That’s what I wanted to say. I realize now that it sounds kind of stupid out loud.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” I argued, pushing her onto her back so I could lean over her. “It sounds perfect.”

“You just…you carry all of this weight, you know?” Her hands glided over my chest and around my back. “I can see it even when you try to hide it. But I’m here now. I’ll help you carry it if you let me.”

“My mate,” I whispered, running my lips along the tendon in her neck.

“We’re in this together now,” she whispered back.

“No matter what happens,” I promised. “No one will ever keep me from you.”

“I’m counting on it.”

Leaning back so I could look into her eyes, it felt like everything settled into place inside me.

All the good and bad that I’d done, every decision I’d made, every order I’d followed, every lesson I’d learned and relearned.

All of it had led me to her. If I hadn’t been a soldier, I would’ve never known to go back to search the facility where Zeke had been held in case we’d missed something, and I would’ve never found that photo.

If my parents hadn’t instilled the importance of family loyalty into us from the cradle, I may never have searched for Zeke’s mate.

Every piece of my life had been preparing me to find her.

Lucille Franklin was every dream realized.

“You’re my reward,” I said, cupping her cheek. “The best gift I’ve ever been given.”

“You’re welcome?” she said hesitantly, a little smile playing on her lips.

“I’ll love you long after I’m gone,” I said.

When her eyes began to glisten, I knew she remembered where she’d heard the phrase before.

“I love you too,” she said. “You’re worth every sacrifice.”