Page 10 of Blood & Bond (The Bouchers #2)

Ambrose

“ I ’m fucking exhausted, Lucy,” Charlie snapped from the back seat.

“You’re not exhausted. You need to sit up and open your eyes and eat something. You’ve slept all day. You’re depressed .”

“So what if I am?” Charlie exploded, rising from the seat. “You have no idea what this is like. None . Leave me the fuck alone.”

“Sorry, can’t,” Lucy shot back. She was twisted in the seat, glaring at her brother. “Since, you know, I love you .”

When I glanced in the rearview mirror, Charlie was staring at his sister, expressionless.

“You think you’re the only one who lost Zeke?” Lucy continued.

I reached out to put my hand on her leg in warning.

“I lost him too. Ambrose is his brother . Look at us, we’re awake. We’re talking. We’re paying attention to our surroundings.”

“It’s not the same, baby,” I told her quietly as Charlie continued to stare at her silently. “Not nearly the same.”

“I’m not saying it’s the same,” she snapped. “And what’s with baby ? We’re not at that point. You can call me Lucy.”

“I’m not the one you’re mad at,” I reminded her.

“Well, I am now , since you’re so interested in adding your opinion.”

I opened my mouth and closed it again as she twisted back around and crossed her arms over her chest. I wanted to tell her that there was no way to fully describe the loss of a mate.

It went so far beyond normal grief. There wasn’t even a word for it.

I’d heard it referred to as soul crushing in the most literal terms. It was why, in Vampire culture, suicide after the loss of a mate was commonplace and even widely accepted.

Her brother was immortal and alone. No matter how much she loved him, he was alone . Neither of us could comprehend the weight of that truth. Only Charlie could.

So, if he preferred to sleep twenty hours a day, who were we to judge?

“At least eat something,” Lucy ordered. “You’re skin and bones.”

The car was quiet as we drove toward the setting sun, but Charlie didn’t lie back down.

He sat there silently until we found a drive-thru for dinner, didn’t bother to give his order because Lucy already knew what it was, and ate his food without a word.

I wasn’t sure about Lucy, but I would’ve preferred him asleep.

The grief that filled the car when he was awake was damn near stifling.

Gone was the man who’d smiled and laughed as I told him stories the night before, and in his place was a shell of a human. If I’d stopped the car and let him out on the side of the road, I was pretty sure he would’ve just laid down beside it and never gotten up again.

I didn’t know how to help him. I didn’t think I could help him. If Lucy hadn’t been there, pushing her way into his consciousness and making him see her and hear her, I didn’t think we would’ve ever found him at all. He would’ve already been lost to us, along with Zeke.

Hours later, long after the sun had set, we finally stopped at a hotel right off the freeway.

I wasn’t sure how we’d made it so far without any issues, but it was beginning to make me twitchy.

We still had two days on the road before we made it home, but the closer we got, the more careful I became.

The group that had killed Zeke and was probably searching for Charlie at that moment would’ve been fucking ecstatic to know that they’d get two mates for the price of one.

I was just thankful that the heat seemed to be staying at a manageable level as long as Lucy and I were touching. At any moment, that could change, and then my attention would be split much worse than it already was, and we’d be fucked. I needed to stay focused for just a couple more days.

“I’m getting my own room,” Charlie announced as we got out of the car.

“Oh, that’s real nice,” Lucy replied, throwing her arms up.

“Share with your mate ,” he snapped.

“It’s not like I chose this,” she sputtered, her eyes wide with hurt.

Charlie sighed tiredly. “I didn’t say you chose it, Luce. Just share with Ambrose, all right?”

He led the way into the office. Lucy fell in beside me, practically vibrating with suppressed emotion.

It had been a tough day for her, and I wasn’t sure why.

She’d been off since she woke up that morning.

More quiet than usual. Thoughtful. She’d also been more demanding of Charlie, and I wasn’t sure why.

It was almost as if she was embarrassed by how he was behaving.

When we got to our rooms, Charlie closed himself inside his without a word, and Lucy was near tears.

“What’s going on?” I asked as I locked us in for the night.

“He’s—” Her mouth snapped shut, and she shook her head angrily.

“He’s in pain,” I finished for her.

“That doesn’t mean he gets to treat other people like shit,” she blurted, throwing up her hands. “That doesn’t mean he gets to treat me like shit or you like shit. Charlie doesn’t do that.”

“He hasn’t treated me like shit,” I argued carefully.

“You followed us to Europe,” she spit out. “You found us, and you’re driving us across the country because I refused to tell you where Charlie is, and your brothers had to fly home without you…and he’s so ungrateful. He doesn’t even care.”

“I don’t want him to be grateful.”

“Well, he should be anyway.” Her voice rose. “You lost Zeke too! Charlie doesn’t get to act like?—”

“Let me stop you right there,” I interrupted carefully. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I don’t expect Charlie to do anything or act any certain way.”

She just stared at me.

“Did you know that it’s legal for Vampires to end their own lives?” I asked, moving toward her slowly. “Not only legal—accepted. There’s no shame in it.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“No, it’s not. It’s compassion.” Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned forward so all she saw was me. “Because the grief of losing a mate is so all-encompassing that it would be tortuous to force an immortal to live forever without them.”

Tears welled up in her eyes and dripped unhindered down her cheeks.

“He can’t kill himself,” she whimpered, her chest heaving.

“I don’t think he will,” I assured her. Charlie may be lost in a sea of grief, but I had no doubt that Lucy was his tether to the world.

He’d never leave her on purpose, no matter how much pain he was in.

“But I do think that you should allow Charlie to live his life however he needs to in order to survive. If that means he sleeps most of the day, then so be it.”

“I don’t understand it,” she rasped, shaking her head a little. “I just…I know that he loved Zeke, but?—”

“You will,” I promised her, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “At some point in the future, you’ll look at your brother and be amazed that he woke up at all, because just the thought of losing your mate will be that horrific.”

“Losing you,” she clarified dryly. She sniffled.

“Losing me,” I agreed.

“You’re pretty and all,” she replied. “But I doubt it.”

It may have been the most serious conversation we’d ever had, and none of it was funny, but I couldn’t help the chuckle that fell from my mouth. “We’ll see.”

“I’m not going to lie,” she said, her eyes crinkling a little at the corners. “I could go for a good kiss, though. With tongue. It’s been a shit day and?—”

I didn’t even let her finish the sentence.

I’d been dying to get my mouth on her, I didn’t even care where, and I’d never in a million years deny her a kiss.

The moment our mouths met, a surge of fire ran from the base of my spine, over my shoulders, and down my arms, and for the first time, it didn’t hurt.

Lucy’s arms wrapped around my neck as our tongues tangled, and my chest burned as I pulled her close.

Gods, she was everything. I’d never wanted anything as much as I wanted her.

Visions of her naked on the bed, her brunette waves just barely covering her nipples and her legs spread wide in welcome made my hands shake as I slid them down to grip her ass.

Fuck.

She tore her mouth from mine and took a step back as she dropped her arms.

“Okay, so you can kiss,” she gasped. “I’ll give you that.”

“Where are you going?” I asked, following her.

“First, a shower.” She held up one hand, ticking things off on her fingers. “Then to check on Charlie. Then bed.”

I nodded. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I’d beg her to kiss me again. As she moved around the room, I walked carefully over to the side of the bed and took a seat.

I’d been in control my entire life. When you grew up as the oldest brother of five, you learned how to lead from an early age. I was in charge. I made most of the decisions. I kept the rest of them from getting into too much trouble or into situations where they could be hurt.

Of course, as we’d become adults, things had shifted. We’d stopped spending every second of the day together and started our own lives. My little brothers had started making their own decisions and stopped looking to me for advice. But still, that part of my personality had lingered.

Who would’ve guessed that a woman would be my downfall. I wasn’t in charge of this situation. I had no control. Lucy held all the cards. She already knew that I was all in.

Flexing my hands, I stared at them as she carried her bag into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

After two days in the car with Lucy and Charlie, it was easy to see that while she may have been younger, she’d also had the same role in their family.

If I hadn’t known better, I would’ve guessed that Charlie was the youngest and Lucy was the oldest. She spoke for both of them, made decisions unilaterally, and Charlie didn’t seem to mind it in the slightest. It didn’t seem like it was a new thing, either.

Their roles hadn’t reversed when Charlie lost Zeke. They’d always been that way.

Lucy was protective and opinionated and stubborn and tightly wound.

I was fucking dying for the day when she’d give up that control to me.