Page 36 of Blood & Bond (The Bouchers #2)

As she stood, I looked down at my legs. There were stitches along the inside of my thigh, a few inches above my knee, and another set low on my ankle, almost on the top of my foot.

As she pulled a little cart closer to the bed, I went somewhere else in my head. I stared at the gray sink in the corner, watching as a little bead of water lost its grip and ran slowly down the inside edge. Then another and another.

“All done,” Ambrose whispered in my ear, kissing the spot below it softly.

Alice put smaller bandages over my stitches to keep them dry, but left the rest of my healing cuts uncovered.

“You’ll do,” she said, pausing with her hands full of wrappers. She searched my face.

“Thank you,” I rasped. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for. I wasn’t even sure how I felt. Everything felt just slightly out of focus.

“Let’s get some lunch,” Ambrose said as he helped me pull the sweatpants back on. “Want me to bring you something, Alice?”

“I’d appreciate it,” Alice replied as she walked to the trash can.

I tried not to look at my arms as we left, but it was nearly impossible.

The scars were everywhere. I’d never be able to hide them without wearing a long-sleeved shirt.

Vanity had never been one of my vices. I looked like what I looked like—it was the reminder that I dreaded never being able to escape.

I’d remember that heinous night every time I got a look at my own skin.

“I don’t want bone broth, Erik,” Matilda snapped just as we reached the kitchen. “I want a piece of toasted bread with burrata, tomatoes, pesto, and basil on top.”

“I told you she was angry,” Ambrose said jokingly as we rounded the counter.

I froze.

Matilda stood in the center of the kitchen with my brother and Erik, wearing some kind of classy blue silk robe. Her hair was pulled into a loose French braid, and she didn’t have any makeup on.

She looked completely fine. Healthy, even.

Visions of her hand pressing against her dress as blood crept out from behind it battered me.

The sound was first, she’d dropped the shotgun, and then seconds later the thud when she’d fallen onto the hardwood floor.

The sight of the soles of her bare feet lying askew as I’d shifted and wrenched on that man’s neck.

I couldn’t stop them. They played in a loop. I jerked, trying to distinguish between what was happening in the present and what had happened before.

“Lucy,” she called, hurrying across the kitchen. “There’s my girl.”

Before I could brace for it, she’d wrapped her arms around me, her head going to my shoulder. I lifted my hands and patted her gingerly on the back. After a moment, I began to hug her back.

“You had us worried,” she said quietly, her hand smoothing down my ponytail.

“ I did?” I choked out. I swallowed against the urge to cry.

“You’ve been asleep so long,” she replied as she pulled away. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”

Was I feeling better? I didn’t remember feeling bad in the first place. I didn’t even remember when I’d lost consciousness, but I must’ve at some point because eventually, I woke up.

“Come eat,” Erik said gruffly.

“I’m not hungry,” I replied, looking over at Matilda.

She grinned. “You’re sweet,” she said. “But you haven’t had anything in days. You need to have something, even if it’s small. I’ll stop complaining and be a good girl.”

Erik made a noise, and when I looked at him, he was gazing at his mate in a way I hoped I never saw again. No one’s parents should go around throwing those kinds of looks at each other.

I planted myself on a stool next to Charlie at the counter while Ambrose went over to make me a plate.

“Do they hurt?” he asked quietly, looking at my arms.

“Not really,” I replied, dropping them to my lap under the lip of the counter.

“They’ll fade,” he murmured sympathetically.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“They looked a lot worse before?—”

“I don’t care, Charlie,” I snapped.

The kitchen went silent.

“They’re fine. They don’t hurt, okay?”

“Lucy?” Ambrose called questioningly.

I wasn’t sure why I was so angry, but I was . The longer I was awake, the higher the wave of rage built. The large kitchen felt like it was pressing in on all sides.

“Mm,” Matilda said with mock cheerfulness. “Broth. My favorite.”

“Come sit here, Mom,” Charlie said, patting the seat next to him. “You can at least pretend it’s a meal.”

My vision darkened at the edges.

“Do you think Charlie would be offended if I let him know he could call us Mom and Dad?”

My heartbeat thundered in my ears.

“Baby?” Ambrose rounded the island and moved toward me.

“I’m fine,” I said, sliding off the stool. I backed away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I said I’m fine,” I gritted out, still backing up.

“Lucy, stop,” he ordered as I bumped into the kitchen table.

“You stop,” I shot back, making him freeze. “I said I’m fine, all right?”

“You’re clearly not.”

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

BANG.

My hands were over my ears in an instant.

I could see Ambrose’s mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear him.

“Safe,” he repeated as my ears stopped ringing. “You’re safe, love. You’re safe.”

I started to laugh, my eyes watering.

“Lucy, come here.”

“I’m safe?” I asked doubtfully. “That’s what you want to go with? That’s the big declaration you want to make now ?”

“It’s over,” he said softly.

“No, it’s not,” I argued, staring at him in disbelief. “It’ll never be over.”

“We’ll find them,” he assured me.

“Who?” I threw my arms in the air and immediately regretted it. “Because I killed”—my voice cracked—“a lot of them, and they just kept coming. Waves of them. Like frigging zombies.”

“We’ll cut off the head of the snake,” Ambrose replied. “That’s how we’ll stop them.”

“You don’t even know who that is,” I screamed. “You don’t know anything!”

“That’s because we were searching for Charles,” Ambrose countered. “Now that we know he’s safe, we can research. Talk to contacts. Get to the bottom of it.”

“Oh, he’s safe?” I hissed. “Like I was safe?”

Ambrose’s expression fell.

“You left me here unconscious,” I said. “I woke up to Alice telling me that everything had gone to shit and gunshots going off outside. Do you have any idea what that was like? I’d been worried about you, not me!”

“I know,” Ambrose ground out.

“I wasn’t prepared,” I screamed, my hands shaking. “I wasn’t—you said I would be safe here!”

“I know,” he repeated, his eyes darkening.

“I wasn’t safe! None of us were safe!”

“I know,” he croaked, taking a step forward.

“I laid there, burning, thinking that I was keeping you safe, and?—”

“What?” Ambrose breathed, his eyes widening in shock.

“Oh, yeah,” I snapped. “That sedation? Couldn’t move. Couldn’t wake up. Still burned from the inside out .”

“No.”

“You didn’t feel it?”

“I—yes,” he sputtered, his brow drawn in confusion. “But it wasn’t so bad that?—”

“Well, I’m glad it wasn’t so bad for you,” I shot back. “But it didn’t even work, and you left me here helpless . What if Alice hadn’t been able to wake me up in time? What then? Do you have any idea what that was like?”

“Lucy,” Charlie called in warning as Ambrose’s face lost all color.

I ignored him as the heat inside me roared to life again at the worst possible moment.

“You fucked me, and then you fucked me,” I spat. “I told you to let that asshole find his own mate. I told all of you .”

Ambrose just stared at me in shocked silence.

Suddenly, the rage left me almost as quickly as it had come, and all I was left with was a hollowness. None of it mattered. They’d made a bad call, and things had gone to shit. There was nothing to do about it anymore. We couldn’t change the past.

Matilda set her mug down and moved toward us.

“I watched you die,” I choked out. “I—there was so much blood. You fell down and your feet?—”

“Come here, sweetheart,” she said, pulling me into her arms.

I felt like a little kid as she shushed me and smoothed her hand over the back of my head.

“You be angry if you need to,” she said. “Get it all out. He can take it.”

“He left me all alone,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. “It hurt.”

“I know. I know he did.”

“I was supposed to be safe here,” I replied. “If I’d known, I could’ve prepared myself.”

“No one can prepare themselves for that,” she soothed. “But I understand what you mean.”

“You were dead,” I whispered.

“Sorry,” she teased gently. “You’re still stuck with a mother-in-law. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

I let out a choked laugh.

“I want you to remember three things for me,” she said, rocking me from side to side. “Can you do that?”

I nodded against her shoulder.

“One, there are a lot of things in this world that are unpredictable, but Ambrose is not one of them. He’d protect you with his life, and he’d never willingly put you in danger. That’s not how he was raised, and it’s not how he’s built. He loves you.”

I jolted, but she held me tight.

“Two, he will always be your sounding board,” she said softly. “He’s the rock that you’ll crash against, the meadow you’ll relax in, the wind that pushes you along. But please remember that he feels things as deeply as you do, and be careful which words you use when you’re hurt or angry.”

Shame made my throat tight.

“And last,” she said with a sigh. “You were incredibly brave.”

I tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let me go.

“You may have been scared—I was too—but I’m so glad you were there next to me. We wouldn’t have made it without you, Lucy. You held them off until the boys got back.”

“So did you.”

“I did,” she agreed. “But without you, they would’ve overpowered us. It’s not an opinion. It’s a fact.”

“Can you remember those three things?” she asked, pulling away to look at my face.

“I’ll try.”

“Good.” She reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. “Charlie’s agreed to call me Mom, so you will too.”

I snorted.

“Hey, you didn’t make me that offer,” Reese complained from somewhere behind me.

I turned to find her and Beau standing at the entrance to the kitchen. A few feet away, Alice leaned on the doorframe leading into the hospital room.

“Of course, the offer is for you too,” Matilda replied with a smile.

“Good,” Reese said firmly. She looked at me. “I feel it all too,” she said sympathetically. “I just prefer to yell at Beau in our rooms.”

I nodded and glanced over at the table. Ambrose was sitting in one of the chairs, his elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

Agony was in every line of his body.

I’d wounded him. Remorse hit me like a slap in the face.

I was angry at what had happened. It wasn’t fair. I’d spent my entire life fighting. When did I get a break? I was so tired.

But what I’d ignored during my outburst was that I wasn’t even mad at Ambrose.

I knew, deep in my bones, that he would never let anything happen to me if he could help it.

He’d die for me without hesitation.

The same way Zeke had gone back into the viper’s nest to keep Charlie safe.

The same way I’d looked at the front door that night and known that I had to protect that entrance, even though I’d probably die in the process.

Ambrose and I were the same. A matched set.

I moved toward him and slid my hands into his hair.

Without hesitation, his arms encircled my hips, and he rested his face against my stomach.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was,” he argued, kissing me through my T-shirt. “But I swear it’ll never happen again.”

“We’ll stop them,” I said, tipping his head back.

“Fuck yeah, we will,” Chance said as he strode into the kitchen. “You’re done yelling now, right?”

I opened my mouth to say something when he hummed and wagged his finger at me. “I saved your life, so you have to be nice to me.”

I gawped at him.

“Unfortunately true,” Ambrose said as he rose to his feet. “He put pressure on your thigh until Alice could help you.”

“Why didn’t you ?” I asked in confusion.

“I was too busy carrying you out of the pile of bodies.” He winced as he realized what he’d said.

I tried to remember those moments, but it was just a blank spot in my memory.

“You were out of it,” Chance said, stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth. Pesto dropped down his chin. “Don’t worry, I won’t ever touch you when you’re conscious.”

I stared at him, waiting for him to realize?—

“You know what I meant,” he snapped uncomfortably.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He’d walked right into that one himself.

“Food,” Ambrose ordered quietly.

I tipped my head back to look at him, and he immediately dropped a soft kiss on my lips. “Never again. I promise.”

I nodded.

Alice had disappeared into the room with her mate again, but I thought about her as the rest of us sat down around the table to eat.

She had to have known that the sedation hadn’t stopped the heat.

She’d been monitoring us the entire time.

So why hadn’t she called the men back? Had she understood the look I’d sent her?

Had she known that I wouldn’t have wanted her to call Ambrose back, no matter how bad it got?

Maybe it wasn’t as simple as that. Maybe she’d just made the decision alone, knowing that they had a better chance of coming back safely if Ambrose and Beau stayed with the group.

I didn’t think I’d ever ask her. What was done was done, and she was paying for it, anyway. Her mate still hadn’t woken up.

I looked around the table. Someone was missing.

“Wait, where’s Danny?”